Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

I thought DP might be one of us so I got him to do the RDOS too - here's his chart next to mine. He looked at mine and said, "Bloody hell!"

(He's an ex-software engineer with no real friends or acquaintances who has spent the last three months obsessing about the innards of a particular model of car and who makes a spreadsheet every time we need to make a major purchase, so I thought... but no!)

I call him a "spergie bastard" after about twenty minutes of listening to him go on about just how many bolts hold on the wheels of a particular coupé or comparative engine displacements and co2 figures. That's allowed, isn't it?

I love him really. He loosens my sock-toes for me when they're too tight, hugs me when I need it and lets go as soon as I yell "nggggghhstopstopstop!", stands in front of me to guard me when I freak out in the supermarket, and only whinged a little bit when I used to borrow his shirts but had to cut the labels out first

Did anyone else used to put their hairband over their eyes so they could be like Geordi LaForge?

I used to put it around my forehead like ninjas did.

We can do imaginative play!

I am behind as usual but Dd3 has taken to wearing one of my Auty not Naughty hoodies this week!

I think she is trying to tell the world something! Being home ed is making her much more able to be herself!

My friend bought me a "Normal people scare me" top but its a vest top so unlikely to ever be worn, I might look for a hoody

Oh and just over a week to my assessment and I still havent told Dp!! The longer I leave it the harder its getting!! I might have to tell him I am going on a course and confess afterwards!

Its not as simple as that though is it polter "Oh darling I am going to drive a 150 mile round trip and spend ££££'s just before xmas when I havent earned anything since July to find out if I have Asd or am just a psycho!

Forgot to...."

He is but as usual I am lumbered with this massive guilt thing. I really need to do this and I know he will support me in theory its just really hard to just come out with it! I suppose if I was going to the GP for a check up it wouldnt be any different really! I need to get past it not really mattering if he doesnt agree! This is about me isnt it! I just dont do stuff that is just about me!

Yeah I know that really! It just seems to get lost in translation!

Try writing it down- letter, text or email. I find things like that much easier dealt with in writing- I find it physically hard to talk about emotional things, plus with writing I can re read and edit as necessary.

I had thought about that crohn thanks, I am determined to try to talk to him later and if I dont manage it I might go down that route!

I was in a charity shop the other day and had a thought that the girl on the till was an Aspie. Later on I noticed her sweatshirt had "I may have Aspergers" on it.

I would love to have chatted to her but it was very busy at the time.

I had been invited to a Christmas do with a lot of people I barely know. I was dreading making an excuse or worse actually going!

In the end I spoke to the invitee and was totally honest. I said I found out I had Aspergers some time ago and found any group situation very stressful (even family) so while being very touched they had asked me, I would not be going. I actually used the words "I don't want to go"! Which is a miracle in my case!! I also told her she was welcome to tell the others why.

Hey I'm coming out! I think it is important that you don't have to " look like" you have Aspergers! They need to know that too.

She didn't seem that surprised either!! it was good.

My last relationship was with someone who I am 99.9 certain was autistic. I had undiagnosed Aspergers. I ended the relationship after many years but have felt a lot of sadness that I just did not have that knowledge and would have understood better.

He totally ignores me now and that hurts. I do feel a little envious of people who have partners that accept their AS.

Ineed tell your man. Its important you spend this money on yourself.

Thanks guys, I have told Dp!

I did struggle and I am sure we will revisit it another day but at least he knows now.

As usual he was supportive and knows that he will need to do something with Dd3 on the day of my assessment.

all I am sorry your relationship didnt work out. My DP and I have had our ups and downs over the yrs but things are pretty good for us at the moment.

Well done for being able to say no to the Christmas do, one thing I have learned as I have got older is that you have to be kind to yourself and to learn to say no when you know you are going to hate something!

Thank you Indeed it is a weight off my mind.