Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Well I can report that on asking my ADHD facebook group to do the test, I got about 50 tests back and it was split roughly into thirds between aspie/neurotypical and in the middle. Then I realised I had no idea what the typical results were over a whole population, so the test idea was a bit moot. I found it interesting, though.

Huh. I'm shocked that someone with ADHD got fully NT, actually. I know it's a spectrum, but affects much more than just paying attention.

What do you mean by processing time chronic and mountains? What were some of the hard questions? I'm just curious because I have autistic friends and family members, but I don't think they really talk differently.

I had to do a questionnaire and a computer test for adhd. It was a TOVA test, which I think marked me as more severe than I actually am. It made you stare at a square for 20-30 minutes straight and click a button when the square blinked or something. Anyway, it has no practical application as no task is ever that pointless, and I completely zoned out after a few blinks and started daydreaming, which screwed up the test anyway (or proved it who knows).

DH also came in and filled out a questionnaire about me, that was an interesting result to see from the outside looking in. Then I had to provide some practical applications about how I functioned at worked. But since I actually liked my job, and it was in my line of "special interests" it was only affected with stupid mistakes on tedious paper work and estimating time I needed for a project.

I was asked if, when upset, I would tend to seek comfort. I was probably silent for 5 minutes trying to picture myself being upset and what I'd done. I'm usually after analysis and solutions, and yes, I would seek that, if I had managed to identify what was bothering me in the first place.
My XP has commented a few months ago that when we discuss things, I'm silent and my eyes dart around the room, and as soon as he starts to leave the room (say to go to the loo, or puck up something) , I start to talk again. I had been completely unaware I was doing that until he told me. I guess I'm just thinking, and as he is about to go, Im prompted to update him on my thinking so far.
But that's when I'm considering something deep I don't know the answer to and i'm trying to work it out.
I assumed that's what the assessor meant? Minutes of silence and thinking? I wouldn't be like that at work or school gate for instance, because I never have to answer such questions about myself.

senpai maybe the zoning out was what they were testing you for...

The processing time was for open ended vs closed questions- open ended questions have a larger range of answers, closed questions 'invite' one response from a particular set.

For example- what difficulties did you have when you were younger?- led to a long delay/lots of umming and ahhing and false starts as I had to mentally process the question, decide what sort of things might be relevant, I don't think he wanted to hear about my ear infections, then I might rattle off a long list of things in not much detail or conversely perseverate on one particular thing such as the time I wanted a drink of milky hot chocolate but my mum said we didn't have enough milk but I said couldn't she make it with a mix of water and milk but she said that wouldn't taste right and I didn't get it because you can make instant hot chocolate with water...

Whereas when he asked me more specific questions like 'were you bullied when you were younger?' I could answer 'yes' and give a couple of examples. Then he asked whether I had tantrums and again I could answer pretty quickly and accurately.

I've been having a really bad patch and my GP has put me on sertraline. I'm finding that it seems to have blocked some of my obsessive feelings about certain things. It's kind of strange - I think to myself 'usually I would be feeling upset about X, y or z amd obsessing' and it's just gone. For now anyway! I just feel tired and spaced out.

Also my oldest daughter who has Classic ASD is at a point where her school isn't meeting her needs because she's just too complex. And dd3 who is 6 was diagnosed with dyspraxia in the summer and her paediatrician also suspects she has ADHD. It is so hard and I am trying to get her help but she's coming home very sad and saying she's rubbish and can't do anything :(. I'm going to see the SENCO on Friday to see whether we can try to get her statemented.

I'm going to read back over the thread now.

senpai maybe the zoning out was what they were testing you for...

I know they were testing for that. I just think it's a bad test because there's not really a real life application that it would apply to, you will always be doing more thought process at once, even with tedious things. Maybe something like a test where you're driving along a monotonous road would be better because it fits more real life scenarios where you have to multitask boring things. It just didn't really get an accurate read of my strengths and weaknesses which I think could have given me a better starting point with medication and fumbling around on where to start building good habits first.

That's interesting about the processing thing.

Chronic That actually does sound familiar with my friend. She put herself in a coma over the summer (her words) and ended up in the hospital. I asked what happened and instead of giving a general overview she focused on the dreams she had while she was dozing in and out of consciousness. I never quite did get the answer to what the hell happened, she didn't seem too concerned about it though. I just knew she had some really trippy dreams, which to be fair were quite interesting. I asked her why she went into a coma and all I got was "I was sleepy, so I went to sleep". Ask a question, get an answer. She's perfectly fine now. But for the longest time since she was the only autistic person I knew I thought autistic people could just randomly put themselves in comas. Then I found out they couldn't, and her summer still baffles me.

Boden, sounds like a lot to deal with

Does anyone else struggle with Christmas shopping? I know I've got to make a start, but don't know what to get everyone. I'm going to have to go into town at some point, but really don't want to and keep putting it off. At this rate everyone will have a crappy aftershave set, because that's all that'll be left!

Quick question - I had the first part of my assessment today. I was a bit of a nervous wreck by the time I got there but we talked for an hour and a half and I've to go back next week, partly because I blanked on the first question about what difficulties I had in my life and said I was coping quite well and because they need to determine if living in an autistic family has made me act autistic?!! They did put it a bit more delicately than that but is that even possible, that because my 3 dc are autistic and most likely my DP, that I've just taken on their traits??? I'm okay with going back, they were nice and at least I won't get lost next time, but I know I'm now going to obsess about this.

Yes, I agree polter and I have definitely put myself or found myself in the most uncomfortable situations like toddler groups etc for the kids and dealt with dentists, teachers etc I also think I've become the 'capable' one in the family, I make all the decisions. Lots to think about but I'm most definitely the same person as I was before I had kids. It's a weird set up because it's not therapy, it's not an interview, but there I was trying to tell perfect strangers the most intimate things, at least they feel intimate to me.

I've been to therapists a couple of times to try and help with an obsessive habit, which I now realise is stimming. It never helped and I think I masked my way through it. My mind goes blank and I start talking in five different directions at once.

boden sorry you're having a hard time.

And online shopping here too, just our family to buy for, and I go to a tiny fair trade shop nearby for treats.

That kind of thing is actually given as a weak point of ADHD testing, Senpai. Dr. Barkley talks about it a lot. Those kinds of tests are harder if you have ADHD, though, so perhaps it works. The problem is that on a good day you'll do fine at them, and with sufficient practice, they become easy, whereas tasks in the real world do not.

My untying a knot question was to show how we get obsessed with stuff, not to show we're not practical.
If you ask me to untie a knot, I will sit there and do it until that knot is untied. No point even giving me a time limit. That knot will be untied.

Same here Nickel, even if I have to use my teeth!

I hate untangling things. I treat every knot as a Gordian knot

Gordian knot wouldn't last long with me

Hi all! I get annoyed when people tell me everybody is on the spectrum. I know what they mean but somehow it belittles my issues. Perhaps this is the whole problem, perhaps these people don't really get autism or perhaps they are on the spectrum and like to normalise it.
Does it annoy you too and how do you deal with it?

Twice I've had that! Rather than saying "yes, we need to know how to support you " they go, "someone said" or "people reckon everyone is on the spectrum." Like they think it's a spectrum from nt to full-non-functioning.
It's belittling and very indicative that they don't actually give the tiniest shit and that have no intention of helping

I agree with this.I forget who said it but someone significant in the Autistic field said that not everyone is on the spectrum,only autistic people and that is in fact why it's called a spectrum.
I'm currently going through the diagnostic process and when I told a so called friend,she rolled out that bloody line.
I wanted to smack her.