Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Not quite that unusual!

When I get new clothes I either take to them straight away and wear them almost non-stop, or I don't take to them and they sit at the back of the wardrobe, to occasionally be brought out and tried on, at which point I remember why it is I don't wear it. And it goes back in for another 6 months!

However, I can't ever throw clothes out unless they actually fall apart or have a particularly noticeable stain on them. I get rid of them in stages- first I take them out of my wardrobe and put them under my bed/in the loft/give them to someone I know. Then when I don't miss them they can be taken to the car boot sale (we go about once a year). Anything that doesn't sell on the car boot gets left in the garage for months on end until someone takes them to charity or one of those 'clothes recycling' places (that pay £5 for a kilo of clothes).

For the most part I wear the same outfits over and over. The past year it has been jeans and (oversized) hoodies, before that it was leggings and long dresses for quite a while.

At work I have several of the same trousers and tops in different colours.

Work and home outfits are kept separate in my wardrobe, and if I go out after work (eg to parents' house) I usually take clothes to change into or go home to change first. If we have a dress down day at work and I wear home clothes, there is a definite difference in my behaviour, I stim a lot more and my body language is different.

I make sure I don't wear anything new if I have an important appointment or event.
When we had ds's assessment, I wore brand new socks and ended up,having to throw them away, as obviously the assessment went badly because of them
Rationally I know it was nothing to do with them, but I couldn't wear them again.
Same with the clothes dh was wearing when he had a stroke, couldn't bear to see them again so they had to go, and the clothes ds3 was wearing that day.

Coats are a pain! I can wear one but not over a jumper. And not in the car.

I'm very impressed with your knitting Polter.
I knitted some holey disaster squares for woolly hugs a while ago. I don't know how people,can knit so competently!

Nice, must be good to be able to make things like that :)

My mother tried to teach me but I can never remember how to start and finish, no matter how many times I've done it.

My mum tried to teach me to knit but apparently I am a left handed knitter and my knit 1 pearl 1 looked like all knit. My mum hasn't found a left handed knitter to show me to do it what she calls the backwards way.
I wanted to sew got patterns machine but stuck trying to find mind perfect material would love to make my dc's unique clothes that they would probably hate

Never thought to let them choose the fabric that would take the stress out of making the decision. I think I will try see if they will. Thank you for that idea

On the subject of clothes I own hoodies, jeans and polo shirts! The hoodies and t shirts are various colours the jeans are blue or black! Thats it. Cropped jeans in summer. Always walking boots, trainers or crocs. Never any make up. Coats but usually mens waterproofs or snowboarding jackets! I love not having to choose what to wear, these are my clothes, they are what I wear, end of! If there is an occasion that doesnt fit my outfit, tough I dont go

To be fair though, it took a long time to get to where I am! I have tried to fit in with the whole dressing up for occasions. I never would have thought I would have had the bottle to wear a hoody and jeans to a tribunal but I did because I needed to feel confident and the only way I can do that is by being me and wearing my clothes! In fact I did it 3 times and not one single person even seemed to notice!

People are weird, they lay down all these expectations for others but when we dont follow them they are not actually that bothered anyway

Hoodies and jeans every day, for me. My mum wears jeans and a t-shirt every day and always has. Ten almost identical pairs of jeans she has. In my mind that's the normal thing for women to wear. Neither of us spends much time on our hair or wears any makeup.

We're both going to have to get dressed up for an important family wedding next year. It's going to be hilarious.

I always wear some hand-me-down big shirts and jeans.
I never wear makeup (hate the feel of it), never brush my hair, try to keep it short but battle between that and not wanting to go to the hairdresser's.
I don't really care that I'm scruffy, but it does bother some people.

I wear long tops and leggings. I get told of Dh and my mum when my clothes are looking to worn that need to go shopping. For occasions I try to get away with justhe wear a top with sparkle on with my leggings. I don't do make up I have shoulder length hair at the moment has I have managed to avoid the hairdressers for a year now at my mums dismay.

Am I the only one who loves the hairdressers?! I love having other people comb my hair and massage my scalp. It sends pleasureable tingles all down my neck. Imagine what a dog looks like when you scratch the sweet spot between their ears- that's what I'm like!

I just can't be arsed with doing my hair myself, so I just tie it back 99% of the time. Sometimes I straighten it in the morning but it never a stays looking nice.

I struggle with the hairdressers small talk makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I also have a really sensitive scalp and can't stand anyone brushing or running fingers though my hair. Ds2 likes to run his fingers though people's hair for comfort I get really upset with myself because I get so annoyed when he does it.

Hate going to the hairdressers. I have to take my glasses off, so I can't see (-11 prescription, all I see in the mirror is a pink fuzzy blob with a yellow fuzzy blob on top), and my headphones, they make me choose a haircut to get, they touch my hair and my head, get really close to me, scrape me with a comb, pin my hair up in positions that pull on the roots the wrong way, want to make conversation, spray water on me, use products that smell different, use scissors that make a horrible CRSSS noise as they go through my hair, use loud clippers close to my ears, and once, a hairdresser snipped my earlobe. I go for a spray cut with no blow-dry as I hate it when someone else washes my hair and I can't stand the feel of the ceramic sink against my neck, and hairdryers make me shrivel up into a ball (though they always want to do a blast off anyway).

And I have to smile and pretend I'm enjoying being pampered

I forgot to say - they make me sit in the world's least comfortable chair, with various unpleasant rubber mats and towels round me, in a salon that smells of product and makes me want to sneeze, with awful local radio playing in the background, and all the little bits of hair get down the back of my neck and inside my bra - I have to get home, whip all my clothes off, and have a bath right away.

A few weeks back I had a horrible meltdown at the pharmacy in Asda, when they told me my lorazepam prescription had expired - I was panicking and needed it NOW as I'd been to the GP in the morning for a persistent headache, where she'd insisted on noddling about with all my head and neck muscles, saying "You're incredibly tense!" yes that'll be because you're digging into my head with your fingers, followed by the hairdressers, with no chance to go home before having to go to the opticians at Asda to have glasses fitted (more fiddling about with my face). The optician was lovely and put me in a side room to pace about and cry and yelp and slap my hands, and shared with me that she had anxiety and took antidepressants, but by then I really did need something to take the edge off, and had no idea that prescriptions for benzos would expire after only a month.

Another hairdressers hater! I have a lady who comes to the house, I have known her for yrs. In the summer my friend clippered my hair so it was an inch long all over! I absolutely loved it but had it spikey and that doesnt work in the winter with hats and stuff!

Have the hairdresser coming on monday and will ask her to go as short as she can without it standing on end

gumple did you manage to get your prescription in the end?