Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

One minute I'm saying that I wish people would just come out and tell me when I'm getting it wrong, the next minute I'm posting all upset because someone did Ah well.

How is everyone's day going?

Apart from my mil turning up unaunuced (I hate it when people do that) it's been a good day.

Unexpected visitors!

Glad you had a good day I am not.

Ugh. I mean Iamvery.

I know she's a dab hand it doing it as well never thinks to phone ahead put phones us wanting to know where we are of we aren't in.

Awww anything you need to chat about? ( apologise now if that over steps the mark )

There are ways of saying it though Gumble.

I'm knackered today, in hermit mode still. Nearly blew my top this morning when the playroom was upended to put carpet in and have a sort out (this is done periodically, then gradually ends up a shithole again). I had to go and sit upstairs with ear plugs in and avoid it all, so didn't help at all .

I have got a letter written about ds2 for school. I barely slept last night for stressing. Writing it was cathartic and I've pushed it out of my mind now.

My breathing has been terrible lately, probably connected to anxiety, but I discovered buteyko breathing a couple of days ago, and I can already feel a difference and feel more in control. I've given up sugar and gluten too, see if I can get myself feeling better.

How about you, had a good day?

I'm okay thanks, just headachey! I was just remembering the time my parents turned up to "surprise!" me... and then messed up your name AGAIN, Iamvery. Oh well.

The playroom upheaval must've been really stressy, PhilPhil. Nice one dealing with that and the letter for your DS on the same day.

I am not / Iamvery same thing

Have a question sorry if it's to private and it's OK if people don't want to answer.
One of things that stops me from moving forward to assessment is one of the thought process in my head. I am a big lady did lose lots 0r weight 3 years ago but had ds2 in 2013 and ds3 in 2014 I put a lot of it back on. Part of my thought process believes that if I lose all the weight again a become a more acceptable weight that my anxiety will be gone and people will socialise with me. Part of me honestly believes that people avoid me due to my looks. Do you think I could be right or am I completely missing the mark?

I used to be twenty stone. I'm now sonewhere around 11.5 stone and unfortunately am still the same person. I won't lie, people do treat me slightly differently at this weight - but the anxiety is still there. But if you feel your weight is affecting your confidence I can't say whether you're right or wrong that your weight may affect how you feel in social situations.

Am not sure if it is as I have never had any confidence last time I lost 10 stone it never really affected my confidence. I think my heads just working though what alternatives could be to autism I suppose we all go though something similar when we are told that it could be AS.

Iamvery, I have the same theory, if I lose weight (I am big) everything will magically fall into place, I'll be successful, have loads of energy and be amazing.

I've lost weight in the past, and have been able to find nicer clothes that are comfortable, but as soon as I hit a stressful patch, it goes back on. I was always still the same person though, which is always disappointing.

I was a fat child, always wanting to eat. Ds1 is similar (but chubby rather than fat). I read something about eating being another sense in autism, the feel of eating is something some people can crave to help them feel calm (I can definitely relate to this). There was a brilliant article about it, but I can't find it.

People take me more seriously when I'm thinner, but I see this as a reflection on them rather than me!

I always have been a fat child too. I tend to do really well dieting lose lots of weight get obsessed with it actually goes on for about a year then I will eat something as a treat seem to link it to a good memory fall in love with food again and gain pretty much all the weight back till I hate myself and start the cycle again.

Yes, same, but my losing cycle lasts a few months.
I get obsessed with it too, tend to eat the same things over and over, and I always feel better in myself because I'm in control.
Actually I'd happily eat the same thing over and over anyway.

I'm hoping that giving up stuff will help. If I have sugar I end up having palpitations, which frighten me, so I'm hoping the fear will stop me wanting it.

I'm almost the complete opposite- my looks don't affect my confidence, I couldn't really care what I look like because I don't have to look at myself! I mean, I leave the house looking fairly clean and presentable, but I have the kind of hair that messes itself up, and I attract dirt and grubbiness, and it never occurs to me to put makeup on or redo my hair or check for drips after I eat my lunch!

I'm heavier now than I've ever been (except when pregnant) but I'm still (just) in healthy BMI. I would like to be a little slimmer but that's just so I can stop outgrowing clothes and stop getting the 'are you pregnant?' comments!

Interesting regarding the eating to calm, I think I do comfort eat a lot hence why I'm heavier now, it's been since having dd that I've really gained, and that's when things started getting on top of me.

Thank you for replyingetting. Was sure if I was being to personal. I am trying sort though this big battle I have now got going on in my head. Other than my Dh it was clear yesterday people around me think it's ludicrous and aren't going to support me so thank you for letting me just say what I need too

My appearance is one of my obsessions and I'm a gym addict. I'm obsessive about food and eat the same thing every day. It didn't really occur to me until recently that it's not that normal to eat the same thing every day. If I go on dates I tend to focus so much on how I will look and trying to create the perfect impression in terms of what I'm wearing. And then so many times I actually offend people with something I say

I've managed to offend quite a few guys who seem really keen then suddenly say 'look I don't like how anxious you are when we're eating dinner' (I hated people watching me eat)

That's a good way to set a goal. Hope Poltercat isn't too heavy :o

Yeah, more energy would be nice! I'm always so freaking tired! We're not sure if it's a physical health issue or mental health (why are doctors' answers to everything always depression?) or med side effect.

Get fat, then the doctors' answers to everything are "lose weight!"

Does anyone else get attached to clothes?
I have an old coat with a broken zip which no longer does its job, but I don't want a new one as it won't feel right.
I wear my jeans for far too long, because they're not comfy when freshly washed.
I wear crocs all the time (and slip loads) because they're comfortable.

My relationship with clothes is an unusual one. I can't allow my do or Dh to wear second hand clothes but I can allow myself. If they children get sick what ever outfit they have worn that day I can't put on then again. If I have a bad day I can't wear that particular outfit again I can however wear the top with different trouser. I haven't a clue when or how my relationship with clothes got the way it did I just recall my mum being upset I wouldn't wear particular outfits again she thought I looked good in and I refuses to tell her why.