Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

I didn't, unfortunately - DP followed me round town and through the pound shop while I slapped my hands against each other (it's a thing I do...) and shouted strings of swearwords because it was all I could say Then I went home and slept. It's really embarrassing afterwards.

Just been out bad idea was totally fine then suddenly just wanted to go home not helped by ds1 wanting a 18s game he's only 11! So in the middle of asda I was told I am mean and nasty and I am denying him his human rights that certainly earned me comments of passers by.

Sorry I haven't been around, had a bit of a meltdown/mega anxiety...thing this week. There was a big extrovert 'Welcome to New Company' for my new job last weekend and it was just horrible - it was held in the sports hall of a local hotel (they needed a big space) and it was so echoey and noisy

Also it was full of sub-Apprentice type motivational gubbins - so not me! I am so unambitious I enjoy watching The Apprentice but don't want to live it!

I am now, but missed a week of training - I couldn't work out why I felt so awful and then realised that it was that.

Oh no gumble hope you manage to get it sorted!

Hopeful sounds horrific!

Need a bit of advice! I have booked an AS assessment but dont know how to tell DP! Sounds ridiculous I knowbut I just dont know where to start!

He knows I suspect I have AS but I have only recently begun to feel the need to get an assessment! I was fairly happy with being undiagnosed but recently have made massive changes to my life and now feel it would be a good thing!

It's all sorted now, thanks, patience - thankfully it's a few weeks since that meltdown happened, and I have some lorazepam tablets that i carry everywhere with me now.

Maybe you'll get a letter confirming your referral patience - if you do, you could hand it to him and ask him what he thinks?

I think partly its my old friend guilt thats troubling me because I have to pay for the assessment (long story but I cant face the GP at the moment). I chucked in my job in the summer and feel bad about spending money on me!

Dd3 is quite used to me talking about not being NT so I think she will be ok but who knows!

I thought Dh would be funny about it, but he's been lovely.
I can't shake off the feeling that I'm being attention seeking, but loads has fallen into place having had the assessment.
Ds2 is quite pleased I think. He wasn't happy with his own diagnosis, and I think knowing he's not alone has made him feel better. Ds1 is going for his assessment on the 17th, which has also helped I think.

Thanks for that phil I will try to find a moment to talk to him this week!

Feel a bit sad tonight, and it probably doesn't even make sense.
Someone I was at school with had her 40th this weekend, had a big weekend party, seen the photos on FB which look lovely.
It's my 40th coming up. My twin will probably have a big party.
I like the idea of a big party, but in reality I know I don't want that, I've lost touch with too many people, even though some of them are on FB, now I never see them I find I'm not interested in them (which I know sounds awful).
We had a lovely joint 21st, which I really enjoyed - college was the first time I really had friends, but now, apart from family, there are only about three or four people that I enjoy spending time with.
And that feels a bit crap tonight :(
I want to be sociable and enjoy it, but I don't.

Yep totally understand that Phil :( I just try and remember that it's not quantity that is really important when it comes to friends.

hello again

If it helps Phil I could tell you about my 40th party that I decided to throw myself in some optimistic, but somewhat deluded, moment.

I have good friends but they are neatly compartmentalised and I told myself it would be a good idea if they all met each other . I quite enjoyed the planning and the several days I spent preparing food but when everyone arrived, in my small house, I just wanted them all to leave immediately. Seeing the crossover of friends actually made me feel queasy.

I drank too much too quickly and I remember feeling cross that all the delicious food was being eaten too quickly and trying to find a quiet corner to eat some myself. At some point I realised that a few friends of DP had brought drugs and that was it, I lost it.

I gathered myself enough to tell DP he should light the candles on one of the three cakes I'd made and held it together until everyone left, which was quite early. I'd imagined everyone having such a great time that they'd still be there in the morning, fully bonded and friends forever.

It was a huge relief to have an empty house, apart from my baffled DP and DC, and I haven't invited anyone over since. That was two years ago

Plan the birthday you know you'll enjoy and try not to worry about how others celebrate, difficult I know

Ineed I've booked an assessment too. It's expensive but I'm almost sure it's the right thing, I'm on an NHS waiting list but I can't really cope with all the unknowns involved in that.

Ideally, I'd have gone through the assessment and told DP afterwards but I don't seem able to keep anything to myself so I blurted it out while loading the dishwasher. He thinks I'm crazy spending that amount of money but he gets it too, the need to know that is. He is AS himself but has no interest in diagnosis.

Good luck

Where we live it's not the NHS who we go though. It's a charity you self refer to Autism resource centre where you go get an assessment done then if the assessment comes out your more than likely As or ASD then you go back to see a physcologist who works with NHS who just confirms the diagnosis and sends out the relevant letters. Our local NHS doesn't actually do autism assessment if you want to go all though the process with NHS we would have to drive to 3 hours to a different hospital. Doing it the charity way means no waiting list my Dh was done in 6 weeks.

I think my authority have outsourced adult diagnostic services to. You have to take a form to the GP and he has to ask someone for funding and then you can ask for an appointment! I dont think for one minute I would get passed my GP!

Virtually all appointments I have had with him have been for my children, I have usually researched the issue I need to talk to him about and if I need a referral I know who with and where I want it!

As far as he is concerned I am a highly efficient, knowledgable parent! He doesnt see what goes on behind the scenes and how I need to do all that preparation so that I can be confident and in control!

I dont even think I am trying anymore polter I put everything I had into getting Dd3's statement and holding on to my job and now both of those things are finished I havent got anything left for holding it together and pretending anymore!

Also I had such a massive bridge burning session in the summer that I feel like saying "You know what, I have a new life, so why not be the real me and not pretend anymore!" The new people I am meeting through home ed are the most accepting group I have come across in a long time, many of them have been through what we have been through with their kids and the system and judging others isnt high on their list of priorities. So it seems that now is a good time!

Ineed totally feel the same about home ed being a more accepting community, it's changed my life not just my DCs' :)

Sorry I still haven't actually read the thread properly yet so I will seem really rude now butting in

I am really upset because I spoke to my boss about the diagnosis - she already had seen it because I put it on FB (all my colleagues are FB friends, that's normal where I work) but told me off for not telling her officially and for not telling her I was getting assessed. I was diagnosed 6 days ago. I have spoken to her about it in the past but hadn't told anyone that I was getting the assessment this time.

I am feeling very tearful and anxious because it seems like YET AGAIN I fucked up