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Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

986 replies

EauRouge · 10/06/2015 16:45

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

OP posts:
Athenaviolet · 25/06/2015 08:34

molly yes, to the lying! I just don't get it. Why can't people be honest? It seems to be such a normal part of NT's lives. It's so alien to me. It's one of those 'skills' I've had to learn because I kept being too honest to my own detriment but I find it so hard and feel so bad afterwards.

Athenaviolet · 25/06/2015 08:36

lashes yeah I've had that, it's horrible. Noise isn't as big a sensory thing for me as it is for some others but I still have had times where I've had to go and shut myself away and been really upset. It's a pretty distressing thing to go through. Hope you are feeling better this morning.

ALittleFaith · 25/06/2015 09:09

noeuf how as you feeling now? Relieved? Anti-climax?

Welcome Orelly. Sounds like you'd fit in here.

I've had a revelation. I always assumed I'm an extrovert but reading some threads on MN and doing this test made me realise I'm actually an introvert, albeit a sociable one!

I hate liers! I too taper down my honesty because it upsets people but why lie?! My colleague lied about something last August, I found her out, I don't see her in the same way any more. She was trying to save my feelings but finding out she lied made it worse!

Orrelly · 25/06/2015 13:00

Thank you for filling out this questionnaire.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 100 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 128 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

I found lots of the questions a bit daft though so just went for the middle option. ( there wasn't a "depends, doesn't it?" or a "what a stupid question!" option Angry Wink

Does anyone else ever think that when they fill out these things, they could probably do it again a week later and perhaps give a diffferent answer to the first time and therefore get (maybe not massively?) different result?

LashesandLipstick · 25/06/2015 13:04

Thanks Athena. Feeling better today!

Orrelly I got "both" as well on that questionnaire. Because I also put the middle one on a lot because I was thinking "well depends on the situation!". I'm bad at questionnaires lol

Orrelly · 25/06/2015 13:25

Lashes Smile I think there were dozens of questions where i could have written an appendix to describe how there would be numerous situations when it was (2) or (1) , or (0) or (1) , and even some cases where it could be (0) , (1) or (2) . I don't know if that makes me better or worse IYSWIM? Also some questions it felt like i was looking for the "right" answer rather than the "real" answer. I suppose there is no wrong/right/better or worse.

I don't even know if any of that makes sense to anyone but me Confused

EauRouge · 25/06/2015 13:30

Hahaha, there was much debate on the last thread about not being able to answer yes or no to the vague questions. I can't remember what it was I was reading recently but it was all about Aspies need specific questions rather than open ones. Things like 'do you have negative thoughts?', I mean wtf. How am I meant to answer such a vague question with yes/no/sometimes?

OP posts:
LashesandLipstick · 25/06/2015 13:37

Orrelly I get it. One of the ones that bugs me is when it asks "do you have a taste that's different from convention?" WHAT'S CONVENTION? I THOUGHT PERSONAL TASTE WAS PERSONAL SO HOW IS THERE A CONVENTION?

I remember in my diagnostic I was asked "would you rather go to a party or read a book?" and I answered "well depends what book and what party doesn't it"

EauRouge · 25/06/2015 13:57

"well depends what book and what party doesn't it"

Absolutely! I did one quiz, I can't remember which, but it asked "would you rather do X or go to the theatre?". I hate the theatre. I would rather clean the loo than go to the theatre. But replace 'theatre' with 'cinema' or 'stand-up comedy show' then that might be a different decision, depending on the movie, the comedian, the company, the mood I'm in, how far I have to travel etc etc etc.

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Orrelly · 25/06/2015 14:03

YES lashes. The sense of humour one threw me. I like things like the league of gentlemen , the young ones , alan partridge , vic and bob. All of these are popular in their own way but at the same time occasionally twisted and dark and considered 'alternative'. I don't find "mainstream" comedy such as Michael Mcintyre, or Lee Evans , who both sell out stadiums on a regular basis and have prime time TV slots and selling millions of DVD's in the slightest bit funny (in fact they make me want to strangle kittens)

I think i answered that I had a 'normal' sense of humour though. Which probably means something completely different to 'most people'.

LashesandLipstick · 25/06/2015 14:07

Eau, I get stuck on those, when I can see what it's referring to but the actual question is one where I dislike the example!

Orrelly me too, I'm similar to you, I find Stephen Fry, Frankie Boyle, Peep Show, The Inbetweeners, Top Gear, Mock the Week, QI etc funny. But not sure if that's "normal" or not, I mean they're all popular but not necessarily mainstream and sometimes controversial...so I dunno!

I hate questions about what;s "normal" it's like how would I bloody know lol.

Orrelly · 25/06/2015 14:10

Would you rather read Jeremy Clarkson's autobiography or go to a fancy dress party?

I'd rather die , thanks.

Orrelly · 25/06/2015 14:15

Cross Posted there. The Clarkson wasn't aimed at you liking top gear! He was just the first and biggest tithead that popped into my head while typing. you have a good list there by the way ( the first 3 especially) and can't believe i forgot blackadder and Fawlty Towers and Python , Life of Brian anyway.

LashesandLipstick · 25/06/2015 14:22

Orrelly that's fine Grin Life of Brian is one of the best films ever. One of my friends named his pets "bickus dickus" and "incontinentia". Luckily they were fish so he didn;t have to shout it in the garden...

CrohnicallyAspie · 25/06/2015 15:01

With the 'normal' sense of humour etc, I think they mean do you find things funny that (some) other people find funny, or do you find completely random things funny? Even if you find unconventional and alternative comedians funny, the fact that they are comedians means that your SOH is not that different.

Contrast with a small boy I know who is autistic. He doesn't really get jokes, unless they are 'toddler level' ones (pretending to put on his coat, that sort of thing) but the funniest things in the world to him include a tissue blowing across the floor.

SouthWestmom · 25/06/2015 16:57

Hi Faith.

Slight anti climax tbh! Same when DS was diagnosed. I think I expected some kind of 'thing' to happen.

Nice to see all the new people joining.

EauRouge · 25/06/2015 18:42

I hate the myth that if you have a 'normal' sense of humour then you can't be autistic. Dan Aykroyd is an Aspie and last time I checked he is an actual comedian. This is a real bugbear for me, it was the thing that made my CBT therapist convinced that I didn't have ASD, just social anxiety.

Having said all that, DH is always saying that I don't have a sense of humour. Grin I can watch any number of sitcoms without so much as cracking a smile. I understand which bits are the jokes but they are not bloody funny. I really don't get all the fuss about TBBT, it's just the same joke over and over again. But put on Charlie Brooker or HIGNFY and I damn near pee myself.

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CrohnicallyAspie · 25/06/2015 19:02

Yep, I guess 'not having a sense of humour' can be one way in which you can fit one of the diagnostic criteria (social communication- using language in a literal sense) but having a sense of humour does not rule out ASD.

Athenaviolet · 25/06/2015 21:42

One of my most obvious 'problems' I've had socially esp in office environments is my complete lack of a sense of humour. I just don't get comedy.

I can watch blackadder and fawlty towers but that's about it.

I see no appeal in stand ups.

I've been told in work to 'lighten up' and not be so serious but that's just what I'm like! I don't know why people feel the need to make a joke out of things. I find it really immature.

Today hasn't been good. We have a lot of stress atm. DS had 2 meltdowns and picked a toy apart to calm down. I then had a meltdown because I'd got so wound up by everything, I stood on something sharp on the floor and was hysterical with pain, even though it didn't even cut me or leave a mark.

Do other people find there hypersensitivity goes into hyperdrive when they are already anxious/stressed?

LashesandLipstick · 25/06/2015 21:54

Athena yes that happens to me. If I'm stressed things I could put up with suddenly become bloody awful

Athenaviolet · 25/06/2015 22:04

Thank you for filling out this questionnaire.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 168 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

I keep reading all this stuff about how asd people have such low employment rates compared to other disabled people. Starting to think I'm on the scrap heap and will never work again. I wish I could go back and just do a maths degree. I need to find a job that doesn't involve people/office politics. All my experience & qualifications are in 'people/communications' type work. I think I have to give up on that now.

I'm waiting for my referral. I hope it doesn't take long. I really need equality act protection if I have any chance of getting/keeping a job.

BatFoxHippo · 26/06/2015 07:17

Eau, good point about Dan Aykroyd! I think Charlie Brooker is one of us btw, loads of stuff in his columns about feeling like an alien compared to the human race, social anxiety etc, plus you know how addicted to screens he is...

My son doesn't 'get' jokes and tends to cry as he is confused by them. I'm training him up though and I feel we are making progress. Sharing humour is really important for social bonding type reasons. I also think its a good stress release to be able to let go of tension.

Athena, yes I'm exactly like that. You could chart how well my life is going by how upset I get at trivial things.

Unfortunately lots of jobs involve communication/people. Personally I think I do better when I know what I'm talking about. Can you look at your skills, special interests etc and try and pick a field you would feel confident in. I am on the scrap heap career-wise because of ds but previously I picked a job I wanted to be in, in the future, and worked backwards. What traineeship/experience could I start doing alongside paying work/degree to get there. Better to be on the road to somewhere you want to be than just stuck. And autistic traits can be a positive eg attention to detail.

I came on to say I'm reading up on SPD (for ds) and lots of things are jumping out that have been discussed on this thread about organisation skills, concentrating, memory etc to do with visual and auditory processing issues. Also says SPD is commonly mis-diagnosed as ADHD. Might be worth a look for anyone trying to work out what is going on with them. Out of Sync Child has lots of specific examples of behaviour rather than the vague 'do you like X' type question discussed above.

LeChien · 26/06/2015 08:00

Noeuf, interesting you say it's a slight anti-climax.
Ds got a diagnosis yesterday, PDA (or atypical high functioning autism with demand avoidance). I told my parents and they are surprised I'm not celebrating and thrilled with the diagnosis, because after all, it's what I wanted.
But it's not what I wanted, I wanted ds to go through life without the difficulties he almost certainly faces (not to be doom and gloom here!). Getting a diagnosis means we don't have to prove it to anyone any more, but it doesn't feel like cause for celebration.

LeChien · 26/06/2015 08:01

And it's weird, I always imagined I would feel like celebrating.

EauRouge · 26/06/2015 08:19

I'm glad DS got a diagnosis. It will help to protect him and give him the extra support he needs. But I do understand why you don't feel like celebrating. Extra protection at work and school is one thing, but the world is still set up for NTs. That's going to take a long time to change.

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