Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

[EauRouge]

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

Well the doctors phoned today and barely let me get a word out before telling me I'll have to rebook for face to face. Means I'll have to pay 50 quid to put 2 ur old in nursery for the day. I guess I kind of get why as maybe they will want to see my reactions or something but its still frustrating plus means I'll have to psyche myself up for going out and I hate leaving the house

Just marking my place. Really suffering from my change in meds, so not really on th ball. Spending today in bed, reading my copy of 'the complete guide to aspergrs'

My assessment is tomorro aftrnoon :(

He commented how hard it must have been for me having to hide it for so long when he's been lucky to just be him for as long as he can remember.
What a lovely thing for your son to say, Polter, very validating I imagine

Has anyone here with AS kids dealt with agression in their kids, and do you have any tips for dealing with it? I feel more comfortable asking other auties etc than in regular parenting forums, as I feel you guys will possibly understand how I find it very hard to do what I've decided to do in the actual moment - when I want the tactic, it's just not there. Argh.

Oh I've missed quite a few posts while typing up my post.

I never knew what my crying episodes were about. I was shamed as a child for having them.- me too, flumble. Very good to have the insight now.

I think the insight comes from having to think through every interaction and process it on a quite complex level - well put Polter, what you've described is my experience.

Good luck tomorrow Bubbles & feel better soon Beyond

ACat and polter - I'm really hoping that one of the things my mum says tomorrow is what a drama queen i was, crying and gtting worked up over everything. They always made me feel shit for it (and it is still mentioned now), so i hope it doesnt get lost in the selective memories during my assessment...

Beyond - yup, I was that kid too. Also concerned about my mother's memory. She's on the spectrum so I think she genuinely doesn't remember in the moment. It's infuriating when remembering these things is so important!!

Dave, we use the explosive child book and the incredible 5 point scale.
I was coming on to say how effective we find them, but have since been punched, bitten and spat at, and the tv remote has been smashed, so I don't think I'm qualified to advise!
Ds asked for a straight jacket the other day, as he thought it'd be fun. I'm sorely tempted!

Good luck tomorrow Beyond and Bubbles whenever you have your appointment

Beyond very best for tomorrow. Bubbles I am with you on the leaving the house thing. Good luck though.

I hope it goes well today Beyond.

I'm delighted to report DD has bounced back this morning :)

Thank you for the lovely welcome ALittleFaith - I'm really happy to be here with such supportive people. Poltergoose is amazing as is Allofaflumble. Is anyone else a member of 'British Women With Aspergers' on Facebook? It's a bit odd, I used to post there, but most of them seemed to ignore me(?)

I didn't read the blog about parenting because I've no doubt that it would upset me. My DM was horrible during my NHS diagnosis and made me burst into tears, which is pretty standard for me these days anyway (I like the sympathy/tears female aspies vs angry meltdowns male aspie thing btw).

Good luck for today Beyond - come back (if you feel well enough, I was wiped out after my dx) and let us all know how it went. :)

Hey :)
Well it was crap. She asked me stuff about now and then asked my mum the same q about when i was young. Every single one my mum said she hadnt noticed it in me as a child. Need another appt to finish it as we had to have a short session while both kids were in school. I have no idea how it will go :(

Tbh though, rather than it coming across that i was a normal child, to me it sounded like my mum didnt pay me a great deal of attention when i was younger.

DH said my mum looked and sounded incredibly uncomfortable through the whole thing. I wonder if she is paranoid she will look like a bad parent if i get a diagnosis? Shes older, probably of the 'needs to be smacked more' thinking

Beyond, sorry it didn't feel like it went well.

Polter, I like the way you've put that :)

Good :)
I told all the dc this week (actually ds2 asked me if I had autism when we were comparing calming methods - both involving lines of one sort or another) and seems quite happy that he's not alone with it.
Ds1 and dd seem interested and ok with it, ds1 has had a bit of a lightbulb moment himself and thinks he is too (I agree), so all in all, we're being open and honest about it all which can only be good!

Beyond - I do feel your pain, my Mum blamed me for everything throughout my diagnosis. My late brother, who committed suicide aged 21 almost certainly had ASC himself, so she doubly feels like a 'failure' as a parent. She cannot cope with it all and just believes me to be me being unreasonable.

Well done for getting through it. Be kind to yourself though.

My assessment had to be done with just me as both parents are deceased.

I can't imagine my Mum being willing to come with me anyway! Most of the memories come from my elder sister. She recalls me being really weird around food and my Mum constantly taking me to doctors because of this plus my obsessions and behavior.

When I look back I can see my monologuing when I was in the company of one person. In groups I would freeze or get in trouble for some random remark!

Even now, after a conversation I may go back to the person to clarify something while they look on in bemusement.

There was one thing that my dh picked up on, i'm clinging to it at the moment! My mum said 'well every child does that' to one of the q's. I'm hoping that my psyc sees the minimising from that? Plus my mum was clear that with three children, she now gets the memories muddled up as to who was who. As i said all along though, i've lived out of there nearly as long as i lived there, there must be an age where my mums memories of me become irrelevant.
She did keep saying as well, 'oh ds1 does that'. Maybe that will mean something, if i recognise my own befhavir in ds1?

Anyway, next appt isnt for two weeks, so should prob try to stop thinking about it for now

They must see this sort of thing a lot Beyond.
I don't know how old you are, but it is only very recently where these sorts of difficulties are picked up in children, and even now sometimes it's near on impossible to be taken seriously.
When we were children our parents won't have known about ASD, so any quirks or differences won't have been seen as part of a bigger picture.
I'd hope that psychologists would understand and recognise this.

We had some news about ds the other day which dh and I were really annoyed with (following ds's private diagnosis, the cdc paed and psych have re-reviewed his reports and agreed with the dx, saying that they feel too much prominence was given to school obs) whilst it's a relief as we don't need to "fight" anymore, it's incredibly frustrating because I pointed this out to them and asked to review his case, but they wouldn't as it was a parenting issue (fuckers!).
I rang my mother to tell her, only to see if she replied as I predicted, she did. She was gushing "oh that's just wonderful, I'm thrilled", and completely glossed over the way we were treated by all the experts involved, when for us, this is something that we find very difficult to forget. She's lovely, but as long as everything looks ok it's fine! and fresh air will cure everything.

Too much prominence given to school obs, when they were the ones observing and writing his reports! The psych was the one who witnessed strange behaviour in school and completely left it out of the report!

Sorry to randomly show up again like this but these threads keep falling off TIO so I always end up missing out on loads .

Anyway I just thought I'd let you all know that the idea for our own SN/disability topic is being discussed at HQ here.

If you have any more ideas please feel free to add them. I've already added mine.

Sorry, link to the full thread here