Been, done, knackered!
Yes, I fit the profile of a woman with aspergers and it feels a huge relief!
I was very worried about what to say, but she asked questions and I answered and it was fine.
A report will follow in a couple of months. She asked if I wanted to take it further, but this is enough. I wouldn't get a formal diagnosis in this area anyway, but it's enough to have spoken to her and know that my suspicions were right.
She was lovely, and also thinks she can help with ds2.
She comes to this area because it is one of the worst for ASD and related services.
Thank you for recommending her Eau . I'm glad I went.

Original poster

EauRouge · 15/06/2015 12:25

That's brilliant, I'm glad it went well. I know what you mean, it's a huge relief to have somebody else tell you even if you are already sure.

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Allofaflumble · 15/06/2015 13:05

Hello Juggling waves.

Well done Le Chien. You will have a few emotions to process no doubt. It is a relief though to have it confirmed by someone who is a professional in the area.

Does anyone else have really anxiety ridden complex dreams/nightmares?

I had one that seemed to go on all night. When I woke I actually felt like I did not want to go on. I was exhausted from all the emotion and physical energy used in it!

Once I had a dream/nightmare where someone karate chopped me between the shoulder blades. Next day I was aching in that area. Is that weird? My dreams are so vivid and can contain all sorts of nightmare scenarios. I don't think my brain ever really shuts down.

I am going for a second opinion assessment in July so will let you know the result. If it is a yes then this time I will really believe it and not care what other people think. (You don't look like you have autism comments).

PolterGoose · 15/06/2015 13:39

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BrittaTheNeedlesslyDefiant · 15/06/2015 14:11

Oh Poltergoose. The student loan deferment thing. Every year it arrives and I say to myself I WILL DO IT IN GOOD TIME. And then every year I find myself scrambling around with a week to go, printing out bank statements and getting DP to do a letter of third-party support. And the kicker is that at various times in the interval between receiving the deferment pack and actually having to do it, it swims through my mind in a tidal wave of dread and anxiety. And why? As you say, it isn't hard...it's just filling in a form and supplying some evidence. I've been deferring for years, I know what to expect and when to expect it. Yet somehow it blindsides me every time.

Anyway. Mine is done for this year. I had the confirmation through a few weeks ago.

I suppose this is part of that "executive function" thing. I read those links on the last thread (which I was on under a different name , just realised I'm typing away without saying hello or anything, sorry!) with a sort of sense of cataclysmic epiphany. THAT'S ME. I showed DP and he read them and just went "yep, that's you all right." Quite staggered that there is a name for the not being able to start things, or finish things, or figure out how to do things that other people just do.

Like when I signed up to Audible for some forgotten reason, even though I don't use audiobooks. It was costing me £7.99 a month and I never used the credits. I kept thinking I should cancel it, and got as far as finding the website, but it said I needed to phone up and cancel so I didn't get to it for eight months. How stupid is that?

Going to read the rest of the thread now, and hope to contribute a bit more. It is really helping. I have some major issues arising just lately, and the idea that I may be / probably am ASD explains them frighteningly well

A more pressing (but much less serious!) issue is that I have to go on holiday next month and am really apprehensive about that. I have to go as it's an extended family thing, and the DCs will love it of course, just, you know...I have to go on a plane. I have to stay somewhere else. I will be without my routines and comfort activities. It will be horribly hot. I will have to be with other people every day for long periods of time, going places, eating out, talking like a normal person . I'm sure I heard the crazy idea somewhere that holidays are a fun thing that people enjoy and find relaxing. Like I said, crazy

PolterGoose · 15/06/2015 14:27

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Original poster

EauRouge · 15/06/2015 14:46

Holidays are something you do because everyone else in your family likes it Having said that, I do enjoy our camping in Dorset, especially the second time we went; same campsite, same pitch, same ice cream shop... that's my idea of a holiday!

I'm starting to wonder if I should be doing something with my student loan...

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SouthWestmom · 15/06/2015 20:42

Well done LeChien.

Athenaviolet · 15/06/2015 21:22

I just hand DP my loan deferrment letter every year.

Mines even more annoying as I have to do it once for 2 loans then again 2 months later for 3 others.

A few years ago they thought I was 2 different people so sent them separately but I didn't defer them all on time so now some are 2 months later! I spend all year stressing about it, especially as we've been moving frequently so I worry it won't go to the right address and I'll get loads of fines (again).

I went on holiday to the same place 6 times. I have no desire for variety. I take my routines with me on holiday- ignore time difference etc.

It's the food I find hard. I end up just eating lots of chips!

Original poster

EauRouge · 15/06/2015 21:41

I don't think I've ever had any sort of letter from them. Do you think I should contact them? I don't want to get in trouble

I'm not bothered about food; other than not eating meat and not liking anything super spicy, I'll eat pretty much anything. DD1 is really, really rigid in her food habits though. Thankfully one of the things she will eat is bread, which is easy enough to get hold of pretty much anywhere.

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BrittaTheNeedlesslyDefiant · 15/06/2015 21:59

Holidays are something you do because everyone else in your family likes it

For sure . I am pleased the DC are getting a family holiday. We've never been able to afford one still can't so this'll be great for them.

I'm OK about food. I had a ton of issues around food as a child but forced myself to diversify and try things when I went away to university. I still won't eat fruit though , or tomatoes unless they are in the form of passata. My digestive system is temperamental (was v interested to read on one of the links that that may be more common in AS folks than in the population generally) but functions well enough if I take my probiotics.

EauRouge how strange about the loans. You have them but they've never contacted you about repayment? Eeek, I don't know if I'd contact them in that situation. They send me a deferment pack each year and if I didn't return it they'd start taking payments.

BatFoxHippo · 15/06/2015 22:03

Well done LeChien.

Thanks everyone. Yes I know Polter is very wise as I have developed an obsession with reading MN SN threads (!) and have picked up lots of things for her and other posters.

Yes Allofaflumble that is part of it, I'm a single parent too and it just gets a bit much sometimes. I would like someone to tag team with but also someone to discuss things with who knows the situation as well as me.

Yes on the vivid horrible dreams. And yes on the ridiculous agonising and putting simple things off. I torture myself mentally about things that wouldn't take that much time to complete and have also wasted money I can't afford to by fucking things up. And then feel guilty about being such a useless fuck-up. However, I have a new white board and put things on there when I remember them, so at least I feel things are contained and I won't yet again forget to do it if it is on there. I struck one off before coming on here tonight.

I actually quite like a holiday somewhere new but it has to be on my terms. I like to spend lots of time walking looking at architecture etc. This is partly because new transport systems terrify me, ditto interacting with people especially if there is a language barrier. Even buying food in a new supermarket I find really hard. Plus the walking means I am so knackered I might actually sleep in a strange place and I have an excuse not to go out on the razz. Sounds fun right?! Good it is so liberating admitting this!

PolterGoose · 15/06/2015 22:04

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BatFoxHippo · 15/06/2015 22:07

Eau, did you change your name when you got married? Maybe they can't find you? I think a lot of student loans are just written off.

Original poster

EauRouge · 15/06/2015 22:54

Yes, I did change my name but I'm pretty sure I told them. I haven't heard anything for a long time. I haven't earned any money for about 10 years and I don't think I've ever earned over the threshold so maybe they've just given up on me. Realistically I'm never going to earn enough to pay it back anyway. I just get paranoid about owing money, even though DH keeps reassuring me there's no such thing as debtors prison any more.

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Athenaviolet · 16/06/2015 00:18

The threshold depends on when you took out your first loan. The pre-1998 system is different from the post-1998 system.

Re: holidays, one of the things I put on my 'list' for the psychologist was that I find it hard to adjust to the change in traffic direction. Oddly I seem to find it harder when I come back than when I'm away!

My food rigidity is one of the most obvious things other people have commented on over the years. I didn't like typical kids foods and would never eat at a friends house. Flatmates in Uni halls would laugh at me having the same snack/meal 4 times a day. Plus I have sensitivity issues with crockery and cutlery.

DP oversees my diet and does most of the cooking now. I'd be ill if I was left to do it myself.

BatFoxHippo · 16/06/2015 01:09

I go through big phases of the same meals too and I take my own cutlery to work.

I will never drive abroad due to the traffic direction. I can only just manage to drive in my own quiet little area, only set routes and set parking spaces. I am crap at crossing the road on foot.

Right now I have an ulcer in my mouth and a sty coming a few mm down from where my last one has just disappeared. They are on opposite sides of my face so I will try to sleep on my back!

Athenaviolet · 16/06/2015 06:56

Driving is actually something I like. My car is my own little private bubble. I'm very car dependent and couldn't get anywhere without it. The thought of public transport and someone sitting next to me makes me feel like I'm about to vomit. Walking about I feel like I continuously have to be 'charged up' in case I'm unexpectedly required to 'small talk'.

I've got a couple of job interviews coming up. I'm so bad at them but I really need to get back to work. I know to make sure I do lots of eye contact but when I'm thinking about that it means I'm concentrating on doing that and not listening to the question or thinking about what I'm saying! I tend to go off on tangents and miss later parts of multi part questions.

Any tips?

PolterGoose · 16/06/2015 07:39

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Original poster

EauRouge · 16/06/2015 09:11

I also love driving, I love the sense of freedom and the feeling of chucking a car around the corners on country roads (was more fun when I had my Alfa, the Volvo I have now is not that chuck-able). It's too bad that all those pesky people ruin driving for me by daring to be on the roads at the same time . My children have learnt all kinds of swear words by being in the backseat while I'm at the wheel.

I'm terrible at interviews, so no tips, but I will send you lots of good luck

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JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/06/2015 09:47

Hi Allo Hi Eau Hi all. Thanks for the welcome
Just using NNT to mean non - neurotypical, as in neurodiverse.
But maybe I've made up that acronym!

Think I'm more ADHD without the H than anything else. As I mentioned I think DSis has some challenges too - possibly of an Aspie character. Growing up in the 70's I don't think these things got much attention or support, especially in girls?

Like many of you I like driving as long as I can avoid heavy traffic.
I love driving across the Fens on a Saturday morning taking the DC to band practice - taking the back Fen roads and listening to Alan Titchmarsh on Classic FM. Heavenly

Am also relating strongly to tales of being overwhelmed by the demands of forms and other paperwork. MOT used to be an annual nightmare but think some of it is online now hence don't have to find so much paperwork to show them

Original poster

EauRouge · 16/06/2015 09:54

Oh, of course, doh!

It is still very difficult for girls to get a diagnosis for either. The traits can appear quite different in girls and most people still think the male version is the only version. ADHD tends to be viewed as something that naughty schoolboys have so for an adult female to get a diagnosis can be very difficult, but there are people that specialise.

Ah, you're in the Fens, you must be near me. I have to say I prefer driving in the hillier bits of Cambs (yes, they exist!) to the Fen bits.

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JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/06/2015 10:03

For me I don't think I'll pursue trying to get a diagnosis for ADD, think I'll just read up on it more (have made a start with that) and try to understand myself better
If my DSis is Aspie though I do think she could do with more understanding and support. I've mentioned the idea to my DBro and he thought it was interesting and could be helpful for us all.
You don't want anyone to feel criticised though do you, only understood better, and helped and supported?

ALittleFaith · 16/06/2015 10:18

I love driving, that sense of freedom and independence! Especially on my own. I used to hate travelling to new places but generally with sat nav the stress has eased off.

Athena I recommend this TED talk to prepare for job interviews. It really helps!

I've just had a bereavement. My very elderly grandmother passed away on Sunday. She had advanced Dementia so it feels like we lost her years ago but are only just allowed to grieve her. I'm not sure what I'm meant to do? I kind of wish it was still like in Victorian times where I could dress in black and keep the curtains closed.

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