Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

[EauRouge]

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

That sounds like it was a very valuable experience, Polter, and the room sounds lovely, I'd quite like a turn in there . What a drive but probably very helpful to process it all afterwards.

Fantastic polter and I hope it helps!

Sounds really good Polter :)

I'm very jealous of the sensory room, it sounds lovely. I was in a draughty village hall!

I did the EQ/SQ test and scored EQ - 12 SQ - 42.

We have a room like it at work, alas I'm not supposed to use it on my own, I have to take some kids in with me, and, you know, work with them.

I have decided I can't do school holidays. First few days were terrible, then got the hang of it, until went away and then DH took some time off, which put me off the routine. We are in the last week now and I'm falling apart again :( the problem is that I have forgotten to organise stuff to do, and we have run out of money for fun things, so I end up getting into hyper focus and DS interrupts me which makes me cranky, he's bored, I can't engage him in anything because he gets hyper and silly, we just wind each other up. Now my emergency strategy to sit in my bedroom with the door held closed is no longer effective because he has sussed it out. Perhaps because I overused it. I accidentally hurt him today, not badly but it's bad, you know? And then I'm this horrible split person afterwards where half of me feels awful and half of me wants to shake him and go look what you made me do. Not that he ever gives a shit anyway, he will go and repeat the same thing that made me lose it another time. Feeling like a bit of a failure of a parent at the moment, I'm sure part of it is to do with the ADD, but they have told me it is a 4-5 month wait just for an appointment.

DH is home tomorrow and Thursday morning and Friday afternoon is the big event, so I (and he!) will be okay but I am feeling very battered by these last five weeks.

Thanks Polter. Yes, next year I will be more sorted with childcare. It's difficult though because I didn't realise you have to book them up so early, and it's also likely that I won't know by Christmas what childcare I will need come the summer, because I teach part time and my timetable has a tendency to move around over the course of the year. So it's a total pain. I could arrange childcare to cover the classes I have now and hope for the best, which is probably what I'll have to do. DH can take half days or full days as work at home. I did ask for some childcare swaps but nobody seemed very keen.

And I'm reading that thread about the 6yo hitting and it's niggling at me that something isn't right with DS's overall behaviour, again. :( He had a 45 minute tantrum the other day because he wanted to say goodbye to his friend but then refused when given a chance and we had to prise them off each other and then drove around the corner but he refused to put his seatbelt on, and kept undoing it when DH forced the issue, so we had to sit there and wait until he calmed down. He was pulling my hair pretty hard as well (I got out of the car!)

Yep. I think what holds me back is that niggling thought that I probably haven't been very consistent! But there are more and more things that you'd think he'd understand even so, by now, and I have got more consistent. So waiting to see if anything is flagged up at school and/or on my own assessment, though I am having these guilty feelings that we shouldn't wait for either of those. DH did mention last year that he was worried about DS and perhaps we should consider seeing a child psychologist if he hadn't improved in a year's time but I can't remember exactly when that was except that it was to do with having a shower - every single time it was shower time he would consistently act terrified and try every extreme delaying tactic in the book including falling asleep an hour early to avoid it, we had tried bribery, a chart so he could see which days were shower and which weren't, threat of losing something, offering him choice of bath vs shower, going very slowly to make it less scary, letting him choose own shower gel - and not different things every time but each one consistently for a while. In the end what worked was DH saying he could get in himself or he'd put him in fully clothed and then getting I think one clothed arm in the shower. I was totally against this and was really upset by it but actually after the fact DS wasn't upset or traumatised at all and thought it was fine and we didn't have a problem again. (Well, as in the normal "You won't have time for a story" warning worked)

Sorry again I don't want to clog the thread up talking about DS, which I think I said last time.

Hi all. I never got round to resetting my password since the hacking drama but I was aware that come September POLTER would be having the assessment and I would be so excited to see the result.

One of us.....One of us. Congratulations. I know it has been a loooong time for you to take that step. So pleased for you.

Plus, muchos admiration for the long drive. My asp affects my ability to make unknown journeys so I am in awe of people who do it.

BERTIE sorry you are having such a tough time.

Now I've got my new password I can start posting again. That's procrastination for you!

Group hug but not actually touching anyone!

Gumble :o

POLTER I know what you mean by not feeling it is "proper" but maybe this assessment could open the door for an NHS diagnosis if you want to take it further?

I still struggle even with the assessment and diagnosis. My son has to remind me when I am losing it..... "Mum..you have Asperger's.... That's why you feel like this".

I have been quite low lately, lonely but unable and not wanting to connect either. I feel false when I am talking to or attempting to listen to someone. Just treading water until a semblance of me rises again!

I saw a vid on YT of some goldfish swimming around. There in the centre was a lone goldfish swimming in a glass, unable to join them. I think it portrayed how Autism can feel her well.

very

Hooray :)

Actually I still haven't changed my password a second time I was never forced to so I just haven't.

Are you all open with your dc about it? (If you have dc, that is).
I'd like to be able to explain a few things that could make life easier all round (eg. When dd talks at to me, she's so loud and talks so quick I can take any of it in, and my ears go into shock) but it almost feels self indulgent to ask for a few changes, because I've managed so far.

Sorry you've been feeling low flumble, hope it passes soon.
I can completely identify with what you said about driving somewhere new, Polter I am in complete awe of you driving for 9 hours into unknown territory! I feel shaky on your behalf, and very grateful that I only had to drive to my parent's village!

Thanks LeChien, I appreciate that. I'm off work this week and being very reclusive. I find the less contact I have with people, the more I get accustomed to it.

Polter is a legend for taking that journey!

lechien my Dd is only 2, so there's a limit to her understanding. I haven't actually used the words Asperger's/autism to her, but I have explained things like 'that noise hurts mummy's ears' or 'mummy needs quiet time'. I'll add extra as she gets older, I certainly won't keep it a secret.

I don't work, but I'm really resenting any social contact I have to have at the moment, I want to be at home on my own in silence.
Except there's a bloody cockerel in a neighbour's garden that is crowing constantly and I might have to go and wring its neck!

To be honest, polter the person who did your assessment was probably more experienced than mine so I would say your 'diagnosis' is equally as valid as mine or even more so. In fact, according to the people you went to see my diagnosis probably wouldn't count!

I don't mind people like on here that genuinely feel they have AS but either haven't had the courage to go for diagnosis, or have been dismissed. What does annoy me is when people say things like 'I'm a little bit autistic' or claim to have AS when they know full well they don't, it's just a trendy diagnosis to have.