Hi ladies, I'm sorry I haven't read the thread but do you mind if I join you all?
I don't really know what to say, I'm married with 1DS, who's not long turned 2.
Back story (I'm sorry, this will probably be very waffly, I'm in bits and tend to waffle when upset):
We have been having issues with DS's behaviour (namely, aggression) for about 6 months. It started to flit across my mind that maybe DS is HFA (his speech and movement is fine, aside from jumping/ride on toys).
Then - absolutely bizarrely - a couple of months ago on my 30th birthday i realised that I have aspergers. A couple of days before a friend had been asking whether her husband could be aspergers. It struck me that I have a few traits. My family then all forgot my birthday, including my mum, and it really upset me. (Who forgets their daughter's 30th birthday?) I don't know what prompted me to really, but I started googling female aspergers, & realised that mum and i are on the spectrum. Over the weeks in between I've realised that my husband, my son and all the other members of my family are too (apart from one granny, and my half brother). I hadn't realised, despite previously worked with autistic young people & even thinking how like me one of the aspergers girls was.
My birthday happened to coincide with the documentary about autistic girls on the BBC. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. It felt like all the pieces of my life were coming together. The whole thing was such a coincidence - the friend asking about her husband, my family forgetting my birthday, and the programme being on the BBC - that it really knocked me sideways. If those things hadn't happened I'd still be none the wiser. (i can't explain why the coincidences make it more of a shock, but they do.)
DS and I have been referred for assessment via GP & HV.
The thing is I feel such a huge sense of sadness, loss and grief. I wish i had known at DS's age. Life has been such a struggle. I'm very lucky to have my DH and DS but aside from that I have failed in education despite being very bright, struggled to maintain even a low paid job, have spent several years out of work due to poor mental health, & was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in the early 20s (i now believe incorrectly). I feel so sad and angry. How much of this could have been avoided had we only known?
I'm glad to know for DS, but for me it feels like it's too late; it's good to know but how can the knowledge make any difference now?
We moved to a new town 6 months ago, and it was because we moved that I realised - my mental health has been awful since we first realised we were moving (& DH started a new job), and I was expecting it to resolve after we moved, only it didn't, it just got worse. I left all my support behind - my counsellor, friends, everything. We don't have any family here.
Just finding life so bloody painful. I wish it didn't hurt so much. Tell me it will get better as I adjust to the move, find support here, and accept this information! Our house is a state, DS is neglected & I'm spending most of my days sitting under a blanket on my phone while DS watches TV, and I'm eating crap & getting fat. This isn't what I want for him!!
We had DS via IVF and had planned to try for a second this autumn, i don't know whether I can and whether this would in fact be a terrible idea. It will cost us a lot to delay it (hundreds of pounds) as would need to extend storage on frozen embryo. I just don't know whether I'm coming or going at the mo.