Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnetters with disabilities

Please see our webguide of suggested organisations for parents to support children with learning difficulties.

Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

986 replies

EauRouge · 10/06/2015 16:45

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

OP posts:
iamaboveandBeyond · 13/09/2015 10:46

I'm reading through the AQ and cambridge behaviour scale for her to fill in now. Some things are fine, for eg i have no doubt that my mum will strongly agree with "when she speaks on the phone, is she unsure when it is her turn to speak" (although pedant alert - that is a question not a statement!). I'm worried that she'll say things like "she enjoys social chit chat" though, as i dont tell her how bad it makes me feel and how hard i work to avoid it. Will she remember that as a child and a teenager i would hardly ever see 'friends' outside of school? That i didnt keep in contact with anyone after i stopped seeing them at school, work or wherever? Or will she have rewritten that in her memory as she wasnt the one it was happening to? Iyswim?

And for example i said something recently about dh needing to speak to someone for me, and she didnt get why. She is really supportive with my depression, she can deal with that, but there seems to be a mental block with everything else (short of agreeing that i was a drama queen growing up).

Urgh.

iamaboveandBeyond · 13/09/2015 10:51

I know i said i'd scan it over, and will if you do want hug, but now i've looked at it, it is basically the AQ test (one for me, one for a relative), cambridge behaviour scale (one for me, one for a relative), a leaflet explaining what asd is and the triad of impairment (i would guess that with ds1, you wouldnt need this!), and then the leaflet i have attached here (other side is just contact details) :)

Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD
rivierliedje · 13/09/2015 17:15

Stray That sounds tough, to deal with reactions like that.

I've just done that AQ test and got a score of 35. I'm not sure what to do with the information though. For a little while (about three weeks, 3 years ago) my mum tried to convince me that I did have Asperger's and then hasn't mentioned it since. When I told a friend that, expecting to commiserate about meddlesome mothers, she just asked what I thought, so I never did find out what she thought (my oh so brilliant conversational skills on show there).

The first bit of that leaflet would scare me to death iama. How on earth do you answer those questions?

BertieBotts · 13/09/2015 19:06

I suppose that they are just there to prove that you've thought about it and haven't just decided on a whim.

So, most likely all of your answers will be on this thread Wink

The reasons why - I'd talk about what has brought you to the point you are at now, whether it's been a slow burning thing or a sudden development triggered by a specific event.

What problems - Again these should be easy enough to find by scrolling back through the thread, keeping a diary for a few days, or look at a list of ASD symptoms and pick a few which are relevant to you and provide examples.

Why will it make a difference? - That is fairly simple, I think. Either it's for extra concessions at work, to be able to access appropriate treatment (for something like ADHD which can be medicated, or in terms of therapy, seeking out self help strategies and literature, etc) or just for your own peace of mind and/or self image.

Pros and Cons: The first which comes to mind is better legal protection, better able to find appropriate resources to help self, but risk of becoming "labelled", risk of "othering", risk of depression when diagnosis does not solve all problems.

What assessments - I should think it would be okay to say none, or list any you have had including assessments for depression.

What support - This one is difficult, I suppose you could say that you're not entirely sure and you would like to ask them what the assessment process involves as you're not sure what sort of support would be appropriate. I think I'd like to be assured that I'd have an appointment with somebody to be able to talk through the results afterwards and discuss options (including the option to do nothing) rather than just be given a yes or no kind of result.

mjmooseface · 14/09/2015 12:37

Shit.

I hadn't heard of the Cambridge Behaviour Scale or the Empathy Quotient before. I just scored 12 out of 80... :/ Feels weird seeing it in red and black like that. I guess I didn't realise as such until I read the questions but I can never work out why people get upset at things that I think they shouldn't be upset about, as an example.

Needless to say, I am trying to speed up my assessment. At the minute I am just being assessed and treated for depression and anxiety... Urgh.

iamaboveandBeyond · 14/09/2015 12:53

I got 4 on the EQ, i'm weirdly proud of that score Grin

If i'm not autistic, i must be a psychopath Confused

mjmooseface · 14/09/2015 14:14

Haha I think that's what I'm worried about. Not being autistic but psychopathic! Just watched an episode of 'House' where the woman being treated was a psychopath! lol

But wow, 4! The problem I have is with overthinking, jumping to conclusions and thinking I know how someone is going to react and getting it horribly wrong; and trying to think how other people are thinking and feeling and getting it really wrong. Something DH says to me a lot: 'There are other ways of thinking than the way you think. Your way isn't THE way. I'm not wrong just because I don't think like you or react the way you think I will react.' Blush I also ask him to please give me the script when I don't do things as he expects. Oh, the joys of an autistic relationship! ;)

HugAndRoll · 14/09/2015 18:24

Thank you Beyond

I'm not sure what my mum would make of the AQ. I'll ask her when I next speak to her. She sort of agrees with ASD for me, but whether she'll be helpful in getting a diagnosis, I don't know.

LeChien · 14/09/2015 18:33

I've just read a very informative book about psychopaths, called The Psycopath whisperer.
I don't think either ds2 or I are psychopaths, which is a relief.
Some of the behaviour of someone written about in the book does make me very concerned about ds though.

HugAndRoll · 14/09/2015 18:53

I just did the AQ - 44 EQ - 17.

If anything I'm too empathetic, I absorb the feelings of the people I love.

HugAndRoll · 14/09/2015 18:54

Oh, umm, maybe 17 isn't as high as I thought...

onlyoneboot · 14/09/2015 20:18

Blimey, I didn't know about the EQ either, just did it and scored 22, pretty high I thought having seen above scores, but "out of a possible 80". Like Hug, I've always thought of myself as too empathetic Confused.

LeChien · 14/09/2015 21:36

I scored 15 out of 80.
It suggests that anything under 30 could indicate AS.

Gumblebee · 14/09/2015 21:43

I think I got a 16. I thought of myself as fairly empathetic too Confused

rivierliedje · 14/09/2015 21:45

I got 22 as well only. I also have that feeling Hug describes of feeling too empathetic and absorbing emotions.
I've always felt I can feel what other people are feeling, I pick up on tension very quickly and it makes me feel awfull.
What I'm terrible at is showing the other person that I feel what they feel and am sad/happy/whatever for and with them. They will have no idea that I've even thought about them. It took me a while to work this out. For the longest time I just thought I didn't have emotions, because I didn't show them.

Every time I come to this thread I think, hmm maybe I do belong here. It's confusing.

LeChien · 14/09/2015 21:50

I'm empathetic (or at least I thought I was) when I can identify with the situation.
If I can't, I'll pretend.

iamaboveandBeyond · 15/09/2015 08:29

Weirdly (with my score of 4 lol) i think of myself as over empathetic too. I bawl my eyes out at films and often at video games but i do wonder if its to do with knowing it is supposed to be sad etc? And then it is almost overwhelming how much i feel what i feel, iyswim?

And yy, agree with being awful at letting people know i care when they are upset. Often i dont actually care, but even if i do, i just dont know what to do to show that.

onlyoneboot · 15/09/2015 08:34

Told DH my score and he raised an unsurprised eyebrow, maybe I'm not as an empathetic as I thought, or rather what you describe rivier I absorb emotion but store it. Interesting.

I'm on a waiting list for possible assessment, good to have an idea of what might be involved. Not sure about bringing my mum though.

Gumblebee · 15/09/2015 08:40

Can I just say that as a child, I did not cut up worms to see what would happen? I was the child who would run up to the gaggle of bigger boys surrounding a "bloodsucker" (as they would call large earthworms) and rescue it from them, carrying it to somewhere safe Grin

iamaboveandBeyond · 15/09/2015 08:56

Yeah i was a worm saver too. Still do it now!

iamaboveandBeyond · 15/09/2015 08:58

I actually got quite annoyed at that question, it is way too specific for my liking. So if you, say, pulled legs off a spider to see how many it could still move with (i remember someone doing this but have no idea if it was me?), then the answer would be no.

PolterGoose · 15/09/2015 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onlyoneboot · 15/09/2015 09:44

Polter, congratulations (if that's appropriate), how did it go? Hope you have a gentle day planned today Brew Flowers

PolterGoose · 15/09/2015 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 15/09/2015 10:23

I got 34 on the EQ, and 17 on the AQ.