Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

[EauRouge]

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

Today was good thank you, but I'm shattered now. Been out with the kids all day so all socialled out. Started a new knitting project (yet another hoodie). Don't know whether to be pleased or not- the place we went to offers discounts and free carer tickets for people with SNs. I emailed to clarify if it was just for people in receipt of PIP etc but they said they just needed to see a doctor's letter.

So I photocopied it, highlighted the relevant bits and took it with me. When we got there, I asked for a SN ticket, they asked who it was for, and then waved me through without asking for further documentation.

So does that mean they're trained in invisible disabilities, or do I 'look autistic'?

Hi all.

crohn I would think its that they're trained not to think You don't look disabled! Glad you had a good day.

After a mad week involving a wedding, a 5 night stay with the in-laws and a beer festival at my sister's house last night (so much home brew drunk!), I am so happy to be home! I've had a bath, in my pjs already, DD is already in bed. I'm sitting in my 0000 spot - like Sheldon's spot in Big Bang Theory - watching TV while DH is watching TV in the bedroom. Bliss! I am socially exhausted.

I'm back! Oh I have missed this thread! I save my mumsnetting for that brief window of time when DH has left for his second shift of the day and my son is napping. Well, due to renovations being done at DH's work, he hasn't been in for his second shift of the day for over 2 weeks! I can't mumsnet with other people around! I hate the change in routine and our bus routes/timetables/numbers were changed yesterday so I've been in a state of confusion all day!

So I'm going to go back a few pages and see what I've missed!

nickelbabe congrats on getting your assessment! But what/who is KAT?!

As for sympathy/empathy... Using your example CrohnicallyAspie My sister had a stillbirth when I was maybe 13? At the time, I was just very sad for her but didn't really understand it or what to do/say or how to be around her for a while after. Now that I've been through the childbirth process myself, I can appreciate it a bit more. I know what it is like to give birth to a live child, so I can imagine what it might be like to have a still birth and how horribly tragic and heartbreaking that would be. I think sympathy is mainly about saying the right things to a person, but I also don't think it is always un-genuine. (I know that's not the right word but I can't for the life of me think what it is!) Whereas empathy is more understanding what the other person is going through. I'm not sure the examples you gave demonstrate the difference either! And I'm not sure which is better either! But I do know I don't like it when I know someone couldn't possibly know how I am feeling but say they do.

I have a headache.

Ineedmorepatience That is really sad! :( It's something I always think about too, though... With the few people I message, I always feel as though I contact them first and ask them questions etc. And I always wonder if I never sent the first message, would they have messaged me eventually? I always feel I am easily forgotten about. I am quite content doing my own thing, tbh. To the point my DH has had to say 'hey, can we watch tv together maybe'?! lol

Also with friendships... I never really had friends at school. I flitted between groups but never felt like I fitted in anywhere. I was girly girly. And I could never work out why girls would call eachother babe/chick/hun etc etc and I never even called boyfriends that either. It's weird to me. I mostly spent time with the other social outcasts who were actually the least complicated and nicest bunch at school. I felt safer to be myself there but never really was.

I'm just reading that article you shared LeChien and I know I do that copying thing. Maybe not as obviously as copying what they wear. But if I talk to someone long enough, I start to sound like them. The inflections in their accent, the colloquialisms they use... it's weird when I notice it. I also copy facial expressions when watching tv programmes/films. Particularly emotional faces. And I catch myself pulling this really sad face and stop and wonder if anyone else noticed. But no one has ever mentioned it to me in my life ever! lol Maybe it's too weird to point out to me?! lol

I don't like things in my ears or not being able to hear. But I will listen to music with headphones sometimes at home to drown out the noise. But then my music annoys me and I get super frustrated with all of the noises I can't control. DH playing on the xbox? I can't sit in the room with him because he has noise cancelling headphones so can't hear himself shouting!!! lol

Playnicelyforfiveminutes you make an interesting point about not wanting to officially recognise your symptoms and instead choose to see them as character traits. I too sometimes worry about what a formal diagnosis may do but I am pursuing it because I have to know the answers. I, too, do silly things unintentionally and am laughed at like I am a child and I don't always feel I am taken seriously and I want to be.

nickelbabe I can never remember things very well either and I constantly worry I am not remembering them right and whether that is because I am rewriting it how I'd like it to be or creatively filling in the blanks or blagging it a bit. Not always doable with an ASD DH with near-perfect memory!!! lol

Moose we notice it with ds2.
At home he is mostly expressionless, and when he does do expressions they are very exaggerated, so very happy or very angry.
At school he does normal expressions.
We can tell who he's played with because he comes home talking like them.

Faith - good to hear someone else has a spot. I hate it when someone sits in my place.

Are everyone's dc back to school yet? Mine are back tomorrow. I feel bad that I'm looking forward to having some peace!

Hi, I hope you don't mind if I join you.

After yet another breakdown over the summer holidays, two mental health crisis teams have said they think I have ASD. I score 37 on the Asperger's test (which puts me well into the diagnostic category) and have suspected as much since researching a lot about female traits.

I've been referred to psychiatry, but am wondering what happens once there. I've been through the process with my eldest son, but I assume it's different for adults. This is on the NHS if that makes a difference.

Hello HugAndRoll! You are more than welcome here! I'm at the very beginning of my journey, too, so can't help you, sorry! But I'm guessing you're on the right track. :)

LeChien I'm not at the school child age yet. And DS has been at Nursery over the summer to keep his routine so I've not had a change! Don't know what I'll do in a few years when he is at school!! lol

Hey hug :)

Weird slight coincidence - i actually copied and pasted the link for this thread ready to send to you this morning, then forgot to send it never mind, you found your own way here!!

Hi Hug. I think the NHS process is different in every area - I could tell you what happened for me to get my diagnosis, but unless you happen to live where I do it maynot be very helpful for you. I did post earlier in the thread describing it, and I think a couple of others have too.

I'll read up thread then Gumblebee just to get a rough idea.

I really hate not knowing what's going to happen. I need to know the process, I need to know dates, who I'm seeing, what they are going to do, and how long it will likely take, or I'm just going to have constant anxiety over it.

I am so glad school is back in. I have a breakdown every summer because I can't deal with the big change in routine. Neither can DS1 who has an ASD diagnosis; we're a right pair.

Iam Jason posted the link, but thank you.

Hello everyone. Not really been on here much since I got my Aspergers diagnosis.
I hope everyone is well and sorry in advance for derailing conversation.

I was wondering how people cope with different reactions. I have only told close family and have gone from feeling relieved to have a diagnosis to feeling deflated by the way my family have reacted.

Initially they seemed to take the news well and seemed supportive. However my mum has since been sending me links and titles of tv programmes and books to read about how I can "cure" my Aspergers with diet. I know she means well but its not helping.

My dad has now said to me that he believes everyone is on the spectrum and that he's not sure why I'm making such a fuss and his long term partner has said she doesn't even believe I have aspergers.

Im in my thirties and I suppose i hoped they would react differently and be more supportive especially as in my mind at least its explained so much of why my life has been a struggle .

I wrote about my assessment in a post dated 01/08/2015 at 19:40. For me it's on page 23 of 33.

Crabby also wrote a good post on
06/08/2015 at 10:09 describing the process as it is where she and I both live (page 27 of 33 for me).

Stray, I've had a few different reactions - my mum is taking it on very well and I think agrees with it as an accurate description of both her and me. My dad is more confused about it, I think - he keeps saying things like, "but you could always get anyone to do anything you wanted as a child" because I was cute and guileless and that there's nothing wrong with me. Some people I've told at a support group have said that I didn't seem "like that", but staff I've told at college have instantly believed me without judging or saying I don't fit some stereotype.

I suppose disclosure of the diagnosis is trusting someone with some very personal information about who you believe you are as a person, and to have that doubted or minimised or denied feels almost dismissive. I'm sorry your family havent reacted the way you'd hoped. How long has it been? Would they maybe be interested at some point in learning some more about ASD?

Hey Gumble,
I went back and read those posts thank you, its been a couple of months since i got my diagnosis and I guess the strange thing for me was that my mum and dad almost seemed to accept it more when I first told them but i guess maybe they were in shock.

I doubt my dad would be interested in learning more, my mum maybe.

I wish I had a reply for

"but you don't look like you've got aspergers"
"everyone is on the spectrum, just some more than others"
"you look so normal though"
" its just more attention seeking behaviour"

I cant think of any others at the moment

For the 'you look normal/you don't look like you have Asperger's' type comments, try saying 'well you don't look ignorant!'

I have an appt for my official assessment, three weeks tomorrow.

She wants me to take my mum, i am worried about that. I'm worried i will put on my act in front of her and it will affect it. And i'm worried about her denial of there being any issues with me, even though she does agree with the individual 'quirks'
:(

I've completely fallen off this thread but have a massive headache, so am just quickly posting to mark my place again and will be back tomorrow probably.

Do they have to see your parents? I don't feel comfortable with that at all, and I'm not sure getting a diagnosis is worth the mental discomfort of having them part of it.

I got my diagnosis without parental input, it was based on me telling him my life history, filling out questionnaires, and my mannerisms during the interviews.

Okay, thank you. I've also read the two posts as suggested by Gumblebee so I have a rough idea of what to expect.

I'm being seen by the mental health team again in October, I'm not sure if this is the start of assessment, or whether they will just continue with saying it's depression with anxiety.

Hug, i know we're not actually the same health board, but being quite close it may work similarly? I can scan over all of the paperwork they have sent me ready for my assessment, if you want?

I'm gonna get DH to give them a call , explain that i am uncomfortable with it (and why) so can they ask that my mum stay outside for the first bit and be called in when needed. If they ask it, it sounds like its just how it is done, rather than me being awkward.