Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

[EauRouge]

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

Well I didn't go and she emailed me back to say it was next week. Score :)

Was it today, Bertie? I'm with everyone else. I'd rather go too early.

I have scars too, ALittleFaith. It's really nice to know I am so not alone in this.

Question, does anyone else just not feel like an adult? Like everyone else got some manual you didn't?

No it was next week. I don't feel at all like an adult. But I don't think that's uncommon - I remember in year three visiting the upper school and thinking "Wow! The year sixes can do really good bubble writing. I can't wait until I'm in year six and can do bubble writing like that."

Then when I was in year six I discovered that I couldn't magically do great bubble writing. I felt exactly the same but I was just older. It was quite a profound moment.

But yes - I've seen threads on this in the past and many people feel the same way. Although it has to be exacerbated by Neurodiversity. Because you're literally watching other people effortlessly navigate their way through life while you're constantly stumbling on the little things.

For example :)

I still feel really young inside in the sense that I am as naive, gullible, and akward (inside) as I was at say six years old.

Yes, I'm not an adult at all, and I can't believe that I have little people who are dependent on me. Poor things!

Glad you haven't missed it Bertie!

I've just lost it with two of mine (I have 3 under 5) and I feel terrible. I did actually scream that I couldn't do this and I am hating myself for it. I rarely lose it but I am coming off 2 nights of sleep deprivation that I couldn't catch up on for fear of being late to pick up 2 of the 3 at 2 different times plus PMT.

I just feel so stupid and worthless and I don't want the younger 2 to think of me as the scary screamy mummy. I try really hard not to shout though I don't always manage and I try to follow the How to Talk book plus I'm still bfing both of them which I hope does to an extent show a bit of love even though I really struggle with nursing aversion with DD2.

And I feel like I have no one to talk to and that even by writing here, I'm being narcissistic and making it all about me. Anyway, as you were.

Oh no ISay :( Actually we had a support thread going for a while to support with trying to be better at parenting/feeling that we shout too much/etc - you would be right on topic there :) It's due a revival anyway. I'll get you a link.

I had counselling so I feel fully adult! I think there are a lot of things that go into not feeling like a grown up, regular stuff in society and of course a delay in understanding of things. But it took me until my late 30's so....!

ISaySteadyOn I was absolutely terrible when ds1 was little, in fact I think that's why the neighbours were awful to me, because of all the screaming and shouting. He's 11 now and we have a wonderful relationship. Some things aren't how you mean to be and the bits in between can more than make up for it.

I used to be shouty, but have had to stop as it made things worse with ds2, and ds3 has sensitive ears and hates loud noises.
I actually found things much easier when my dc were younger. I think it's because I was in control and knew exactly what was happening. They ate what I fed them (until ds3 came along ), they went to school, I picked them up, playing out with friends was arranged by me.
Now, with teenagers, they miss the bus, they announce that they're going out, plus the issues we have with ds2, I am very much not in control and finding things very difficult. I want to shout but I can't, so it all sits inside.

I know that shouting is counterproductive but I can't seem to stop myself if I'm right in that moment. I find that I get into a panic state where I don't know how to react. When I look at it later I can see exactly what I should have done, but I didn't manage it at the time. So frustrating.

Here's the thread if anyone is interested (no obligation!) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2307544-Come-and-be-a-Better-Parent-with-us-in-the-Virtual-Village

In fact I listened to a really fascinating talk today about ADHD, by Russell Barkley. He put ADHD into terms I've been trying to articulate for ages, and one of the things he said was that skills workshops often don't work, because people with ADHD do understand what they are supposed to do, but have a problem getting from that to the actual doing of it. It really blew me away actually, and now I am looking for more from him! The talk is here: (It's long)

www.additudemag.com/authorID/245.html

I can get very shouty with DD, she can go on and on about something or start whining and I just feel my blood pressure rising. If I've tried all else and feel myself about to shout I put my headphones on and once the noise is muffled I cope a lot better. I do feel guilty about the headphones but it's better than losing it!

I think it's a control thing, she goes on about something out of my control (eg the car windows don't go all the way down and she doesn't understand that and keeps asking for it down) I can't stop her asking but I can stop myself listening which helps.

Oh yes. When you can't fix something but they keep going on about it. Very frustrating.

Think I overdid it yesterday, I'm shattered now. Had a presentation thing at work, I was on technical duty (sound and projector). Then to a friend's house, we were supposed to be taking the kids to the park but the heavens opened so we never made it and we just sat chatting while the kids played. Then I went to do my hobby with my brother and some guys from his work turned up so I had to chat some more! And to top it all, when I went to bed last night I kept ruminating so I didn't get as much sleep as I'd have liked either.

Only 2 more days till the weekend...

I love that link polter!

Brilliant blog :o

Errrrm, interesting.
Problems at school, he asked for a part in the school play (to fit in with his two friends) and was given one (despite my warnings that he should have a tiny part), and is now having many meltdowns about it. But it's ok, the teacher reckons he's being manipulative about it, which is helpful.
The psychology report came back today, and one sentence stood out for this bloody school play debacle - "he may not understand the consequences of his choices" which is the most accurate thing I've ever read about ds.
Got a meeting next week so I'm printing off loads of evidence, which is a pity because I hoped we were now past the days of having to prove it.
On the plus side, the county council don't seem to be having any problems accepting the diagnosis, and if the CDC have a problem, I'll ask to be transferred to another local hospital which has a better reputation for ASD.
Sorry, this thread isn't for moans about children!

Thank you.
Hope ally's still well for your ds in school? It's all sounded so positive so far.

All, not ally.