I'm coming back into this thread in the hope that someone has been through what I am going through. I am sorry if people see this as an attempt to hijack a thread. It's often the case. I can't post in relationships or AIBU or similar type threads as it will only get jumped on by the cyber bullies and i'll get judged from predisposed, fixed position.
I am yet to undergo diagnosis for aspergers.I've seen the doctor and have been referred but god knows how long it's going to take.
I was on the thread earlier on as so many of the quirks and experiences that people divulged were so familiar to me. I could relate. I suddenly wasn't the only one.
My partner in the past had suggested it to me that I may have it (after me joking to her that I did. Or half joking. I always knew there was "something ") . She sought advice on mumsnet regarding adult diagnosing of the condition and although I did see something in what the leaflets that she got hold of said, I'm aware that there are several traits to every condition , that you could say that loads of people have, without having that condition, so I didn't give it the attention required. Essentially, I buried my head in the sand and hoped the discussion would go away. Eventually, she returned to mumsnet but in a different forum. She was convinced by these people that my behaviours weren't to do with A.S (although , in fairness , the possibility wasn't even offered up) but were all acts of emotional abuse. My ex seemingly preferred to believe this version of events. The thing is my ex is very similar to me in so many ways it's untrue. Same tastes in books,films, TV , food , humour , attitudes. I actually think that she may also be somewhere on the A.S scale. Definitely not high , but tends to hear things or be told things, and without question , take them on as fact. Lots of people do this , I know, and I'm not just referring to the advice she was given on me being "abusive" as am example. Loads of things.
Cutting to the chase. Has anyone been dumped , due to circumstances relating to their "condition" and had to pick the pieces up or seek diagnosis afterwards?
Lots of people mention how accommodating their partners or family are towards their ways. I feel sadness and envy when I read this as since losing my partner (and child) I feel like I have no one I can actually open up to. I have no siblings , just 2 elderly parents who having such a conversation with is soul destroyingly difficult. I suspect that one or both of them probably suffers to a degree with the same "range" not sure if that's the correct phrase or not. But my dad is fairly introvert (unless on his own terms ,doing his own thing) my mother is fairly control freak ocd type. They are both worriers. At the end of the day. A diagnosis for either of them now would be utterly utterly pointless. They mock even the suggestion that there might be something there. (Mother does, unlikely that the conversation will ever take place in a civilised manner , with father) And as much as I see there relationship as fairly dysfunctional, on many levels, it actually DOES function. Maybe not emotionally but I can't deny, it does function. I think I preferred the days when I didn't have to start psycho analysing all this. He does all the practical jobs round the house. She rules the roost in terms of shopping , cooking , cleaning buying and washing his fuckin underpants. The thing is. MILLIONS of old couples are like this. Essentially, there is nothing abnormal about them at all. They are the norm, rather than the exception. It's only since I've been on this quest for knowledge,that i've even considered analysing the dynamics, and where , if indeed I did, get it from. It seems so much easier to label them "old fashioned" him "brow beaten or under the thumb" and her "bossy old woman or even a control freak" . Is it actually any better now that we assign a condition to every introvert, extrovert, loose cannon, loner, lothario, loose woman or short tempered sod?
Sorry I've rambled a bit there. For what it's worth, I definitely exhibit some A.S traits but have lived a more or less "normal" life despite of it. I did well (and should've done better ) at school. Got a degree (which I never used) I've never been a career person. Most I've been in a job is about 2 years. The jobs that I was settled and "happy in" have either ended due to relocation (once) or the company ceasing to be (twice) the countless jobs I've had in between or since have all involved a certain degree of headfuckery, public speaking, group based shite that I simply couldn't handle, mentally ,and as a result, physically. I would literally hide in toilets when I knew a group meeting was taking place and return to my desk 10 mins later when everyone had gone , claiming ignorance when they all returned an hour later.I struggle massively with group tasks or meetings or , especially , group organised social events. I've left my last 2 positions due to stress and anxiety. The most recent, I'd have probably persevered with , shit as it was , if my relationship hadn't broken down. I couldn't take the day to day bullshit coupled with the fact I wasn't going home to my family. I was going home to psycho analyse , or to drink, to delay facing up to the fact that I probably need some sort of psychological help or analysis.
Once again. Sorry for going on and on and on and on.
Anyone been thrown on to the shit heap by a weary partner and had to get diagnosis afterwards, alone? Was there any point? Did it help you move on or accept what had gone on? I personally, while can fully understand where she came from, initially, have nothing more than a massive sense of injustice and fears for the future of my ,her and my kids happy futures as a result of the fallout.
Sorry to anyone who actually read through all that and still has the will to live