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Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

986 replies

EauRouge · 10/06/2015 16:45

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 04/07/2015 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BatFoxHippo · 04/07/2015 19:23

what if he's chatty?

Oh god I know what you mean, my boiler hasn't worked properly for 4 years because I can't deal with tradespeople. I also hate taxis and would rather walk in the rain carrying all my bags than have to get one.

LeChien · 04/07/2015 20:38

We have our boiler serviced occasionally, and the man who comes to do it is so chatty. Luckily we have a bonkers dog, so I have the perfect excuse to shut myself away.
When dh was ill we had a cleaner come in to blitz the house, whilst it was lovely to not have to bother, they moved things around and made organised chaos look tidy, it was very unsettling!

AntiquityIsDotDotDot · 04/07/2015 21:40

Our boiler is being replaced a week on Monday. I've been dreading it for months. He'll be here two days. He's come yearly to do gas check & other stuff & does nice brief chat then focused. But so long at a time & with ds2 around for some. I don't know etiquette. I literally said to him "and it's okay to leave you here while I do nursery pickup because you're not going to steal anything are you?" He took it well thankfully! I constantly worry about burglary because when I was 9, that's 31 years ago we were burgled while out! Have to always check everything.

Orrelly · 05/07/2015 01:23

I'm coming back into this thread in the hope that someone has been through what I am going through. I am sorry if people see this as an attempt to hijack a thread. It's often the case. I can't post in relationships or AIBU or similar type threads as it will only get jumped on by the cyber bullies and i'll get judged from predisposed, fixed position.

I am yet to undergo diagnosis for aspergers.I've seen the doctor and have been referred but god knows how long it's going to take.

I was on the thread earlier on as so many of the quirks and experiences that people divulged were so familiar to me. I could relate. I suddenly wasn't the only one.

My partner in the past had suggested it to me that I may have it (after me joking to her that I did. Or half joking. I always knew there was "something ") . She sought advice on mumsnet regarding adult diagnosing of the condition and although I did see something in what the leaflets that she got hold of said, I'm aware that there are several traits to every condition , that you could say that loads of people have, without having that condition, so I didn't give it the attention required. Essentially, I buried my head in the sand and hoped the discussion would go away. Eventually, she returned to mumsnet but in a different forum. She was convinced by these people that my behaviours weren't to do with A.S (although , in fairness , the possibility wasn't even offered up) but were all acts of emotional abuse. My ex seemingly preferred to believe this version of events. The thing is my ex is very similar to me in so many ways it's untrue. Same tastes in books,films, TV , food , humour , attitudes. I actually think that she may also be somewhere on the A.S scale. Definitely not high , but tends to hear things or be told things, and without question , take them on as fact. Lots of people do this , I know, and I'm not just referring to the advice she was given on me being "abusive" as am example. Loads of things.

Cutting to the chase. Has anyone been dumped , due to circumstances relating to their "condition" and had to pick the pieces up or seek diagnosis afterwards?

Lots of people mention how accommodating their partners or family are towards their ways. I feel sadness and envy when I read this as since losing my partner (and child) I feel like I have no one I can actually open up to. I have no siblings , just 2 elderly parents who having such a conversation with is soul destroyingly difficult. I suspect that one or both of them probably suffers to a degree with the same "range" not sure if that's the correct phrase or not. But my dad is fairly introvert (unless on his own terms ,doing his own thing) my mother is fairly control freak ocd type. They are both worriers. At the end of the day. A diagnosis for either of them now would be utterly utterly pointless. They mock even the suggestion that there might be something there. (Mother does, unlikely that the conversation will ever take place in a civilised manner , with father) And as much as I see there relationship as fairly dysfunctional, on many levels, it actually DOES function. Maybe not emotionally but I can't deny, it does function. I think I preferred the days when I didn't have to start psycho analysing all this. He does all the practical jobs round the house. She rules the roost in terms of shopping , cooking , cleaning buying and washing his fuckin underpants. The thing is. MILLIONS of old couples are like this. Essentially, there is nothing abnormal about them at all. They are the norm, rather than the exception. It's only since I've been on this quest for knowledge,that i've even considered analysing the dynamics, and where , if indeed I did, get it from. It seems so much easier to label them "old fashioned" him "brow beaten or under the thumb" and her "bossy old woman or even a control freak" . Is it actually any better now that we assign a condition to every introvert, extrovert, loose cannon, loner, lothario, loose woman or short tempered sod?

Sorry I've rambled a bit there. For what it's worth, I definitely exhibit some A.S traits but have lived a more or less "normal" life despite of it. I did well (and should've done better ) at school. Got a degree (which I never used) I've never been a career person. Most I've been in a job is about 2 years. The jobs that I was settled and "happy in" have either ended due to relocation (once) or the company ceasing to be (twice) the countless jobs I've had in between or since have all involved a certain degree of headfuckery, public speaking, group based shite that I simply couldn't handle, mentally ,and as a result, physically. I would literally hide in toilets when I knew a group meeting was taking place and return to my desk 10 mins later when everyone had gone , claiming ignorance when they all returned an hour later.I struggle massively with group tasks or meetings or , especially , group organised social events. I've left my last 2 positions due to stress and anxiety. The most recent, I'd have probably persevered with , shit as it was , if my relationship hadn't broken down. I couldn't take the day to day bullshit coupled with the fact I wasn't going home to my family. I was going home to psycho analyse , or to drink, to delay facing up to the fact that I probably need some sort of psychological help or analysis.

Once again. Sorry for going on and on and on and on.

Anyone been thrown on to the shit heap by a weary partner and had to get diagnosis afterwards, alone? Was there any point? Did it help you move on or accept what had gone on? I personally, while can fully understand where she came from, initially, have nothing more than a massive sense of injustice and fears for the future of my ,her and my kids happy futures as a result of the fallout.

Sorry to anyone who actually read through all that and still has the will to live

Athenaviolet · 05/07/2015 08:43

That boiler/bath thing would have ruined my day too!

I can only have a bath when DP is in the house because it's one of those situations which can easily lead to a meltdown. The temperature changes gets my hypersensitivity going and I get stressed about the unpredictability of the water (amount & heat). Often I can't find something I need so go into panic mode. Or I'll forget to make sure there are enough clean big enough towels handy. It's just a very stressful experience even when nothing goes wrong. I can't go through it more than once a week which freaks out the clean freaks on mn.

I really hate having work people in too. I delegate that to DP and stay well away or hide in my bedroom.

Does anyone else feel that they are unhealthily dependent on their DP? I'm already worrying about 30 years time, if he dies before me and I'm left this helpless heap. I worry I'll become this huge burden on dd. I can't see me being able to live independently. DP isn't here today and I've no idea what I'll eat. I just don't have the imagination to think up meal plans. He was away yesterday too and all I had was bread, crisps, dip, juice, milk & tea. I got heartburn which I never get.

Allofaflumble · 05/07/2015 13:01

Hi Orrelly. I can relate to lots of your post. Painful as it is, maybe this is your time to face up to your fears about being alone without a partner? Sometimes relationships just dont fit and no one is to blame.

I think you should pursue your diagnosis and concentrate on what is truly right for you.

Orrelly · 05/07/2015 20:16

ThankYou allof.appreciate your comments.

I'm feeling really guilty about unloading all of that on here. Please everyone just ignore the post and carry on. I was feeling low and had had a few drinks and just felt the need to vent. Probably the wrong thread on the wrong forum at the wrong time.

In my mind now , I'm thinking that people can't continue with the original discussion for fear of being seen to overlook my babbling. Like a big massive selfish elephant in the room.

BertieBotts · 05/07/2015 22:58

Oh don't worry. We ignore each others' posts and continue previous conversations all the time Grin

TBH I did not reply earlier, because I felt uneasy about the fact that your DW has sought advice on this forum, and it is a common tactic that partners will come on and attempt to garner sympathy and I feel it invades the woman's safe space. However, I do appreciate that you thought that through and hence chose to post here, where you've lurked in the past, rather than start a new thread, though I bristled a bit at the choice of the word "cyber bullies".

If you don't mind me asking (and you don't have to reply of course), are you a man? Only you referred to a wife and "my kids" and I have never heard a lesbian couple referring to "my kids" after a break up unless they were actually only hers to begin with (e.g. from a previous relationship.) in which case surely they would be with you, not your wife. But perhaps I'm overthinking. It was just - you hadn't mentioned your gender in posts previously, and it does say in the title that this is a thread for women, and while I appreciate the thread is open for anybody to read, it would be nice to have a heads up in case any posters were expecting the thread to only have women posters. It's not that you aren't welcome, I just think it's polite to say so.

As for advice (I am in an advice mood so I thought I'd add some after all, and this is gender neutral Grin) - I agree with flumble in that you should try to see the breakup and potential ASD as separate issues. It might be that the issues which lead to the break up were ASD related, but even if that's true, a diagnosis is not going to change overnight how you handle these issues. You'll still be the same person. I firmly believe that no amount of posting on an internet forum is going to push a person to close the doors on a perfectly satisfactory relationship, so there must have been some issues there, suspected EA or not. In fact, it wasn't that she decided "He's definitely EA, that means I must leave immediately." Abuse victims just don't turn around that quickly and decide that everything is wrong and they must leave. It takes a really long time. Conversely, somebody who is unhappy with their relationship might decide that EA is a nice, clean, personal explanation for what's happening, but the bottom line is that they are experiencing issues which are directly impacting on their happiness quite significantly, that they don't see any way to change these issues, and that they don't feel able to live with this person's personality.

Which, by the way, is not a reflection on you. It doesn't mean that your personality is wrong or defective or that you will never be able to have a successful relationship with anybody. It just means this one wasn't right. Plus, even if the problems were caused by a part of your personality that you can't help, that doesn't actually mean that she has to make allowances for you. It is totally her choice who she wants to be in a relationship with and where that line of "I can't do this any more" lies. When there are children involved then that does make things a whole lot more painful (for everyone involved), but it doesn't mean that a relationship should stay together when unhealthy dynamics are playing out.

What you need to look to now is the future and right now. You need to get to a point where you can be amicable with your wife and you need to be the best possible you that you can for the children, and for your own life in the future. Whether those things would be helped by a diagnosis is really for you to decide, not anybody else. A soul searching time. It might be that with some time apart you can work on your differences and there may be a possibility you could get back together, but I would caution against using that as a motivation - firstly it will lead you to tend towards what you think she wants to hear rather than to actually follow your heart, which will mean that long term the relationship is doomed as you won't be able to keep up the pretence forever no matter how much you think it's what you want. And secondly because if it doesn't happen, you'll slump and undo all of the work that you have done. So you need to be working towards better communication with her for the sake of the children, and then towards whatever is right for you for your personal development/journey/whatever.

Orrelly · 06/07/2015 00:57

Hi Bert. Thank you for your well thought out and detailed response. I appreciate you taking the time to write all of that. It all makes sense.

Yes I am a male species :-) and would hope that shouldn't make too much difference. I apologise if it does make a difference to anyone , and am happy to bow out if that's the case.

I was lead to this thread by another similar thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2409982-diagnosed-with-aspergers-as-an-adult? Which basically faded away once the link to this one was added , so this place seemed the right place to reply rather than that thread.

All I'll add is that I am struggling to adapt to the change in my life and the absolute chaos (to me, it is chaos) that my life, and all I do since, seems to involve. Lots of stuff I won't go into but a phrase I hear a lot is "you just need to . . . . . It's usually "make a decision" but can be "just need to do this" or "just need to do that". All pretty simple , obvious , helpful stuff, but stuff I can't get my head round or despite the simplicity, seen massively complicated or daunting to me. A total headfuck if I'm honest

Allofaflumble · 06/07/2015 07:43

Orrelly I was trying to communicate with someone recently who told me that if I put a smile on my face then happiness would follow! Oh if it were so easy. Think all the "you should" and "you just need to" put you off attempting to be open.

No wise advice i am afraid. I definitely empathise though.

CrohnicallyAspie · 06/07/2015 20:04

I came across an interesting article earlier.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-33362472
I have to admit, I have noticed that I sniff bad smells, often on purpose, because I have to try and work out what exactly the smell reminds me of! And sometimes, a bad smell is kind of nice, in the same way that picking a scab feels nice, (please tell me someone else does this, otherwise I'm going to look like a right idiot!)

ISaySteadyOn · 06/07/2015 20:15

Crohnically, so glad am not alone with the scab thing. I think I read it's a form of stimming? I pick at scabs and hangnails a lot. There, now you know there are at least 2 right idiots on the threadSmile.

PolterGoose · 06/07/2015 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 06/07/2015 20:24

There is a nice part to some kinds of bad smells, but I definitely sniff differently. I don't know if you were taught how to smell chemicals safely at school? (So you don't knock yourself out) I tend to use that technique. I really dislike bad smells and will walk around sniffing until I isolate the source and then feel very pleased when I eliminate it! I really can't stand to be in the room when somebody has farted and I get really annoyed when DH cooks oily food. But if it's a smell I like, like curry for example, or onions or garlic, then I don't mind it lingering at all.

BertieBotts · 06/07/2015 20:34

Here's an ADHD dilemma for you: I have my second doctor's appointment coming up since the last one where she suggested I make a timetable. And I can't remember when it was for. It's either tomorrow or in about two weeks. I know it was roughly six weeks from when I had the last one, but I can't remember when that was either! I tried phoning this morning but got an answerphone and my German is too terrible, so I sent them an email instead, and they haven't replied!

Aaaargh. So now I am stuck not knowing if I should go in tomorrow morning. If I do, I'll have to drop DS off early. The only thought I've had is that I should look back at my posts to see when I went last time and see how many weeks ago it was (I have no idea.)

BertieBotts · 06/07/2015 20:37

Tomorrow is exactly five weeks. Hmmm.

AntiquityIsDotDotDot · 06/07/2015 20:57

Oh gosh. I do the bad smell thing too! And at the weekend ds1 (who I'm almost certain has Aspergers) was talking about the good kind of bad smells! Some bad ones are pleasant others I just get obsessed with knowing where they're from.

When dysentery was going round my first school we had that string hand sanitiser & just the mild whiff wasn't enough for me to smell it so I did a really deep one & nearly fainted!

AntiquityIsDotDotDot · 06/07/2015 20:58

Strong not string!

LeChien · 06/07/2015 21:22

I pick at things constantly. I'm covered in little scars.
When I was young I discovered that I could pick a scab, let it bleed a bit, then put baby powder on it, which stabbed it up nicely again so I could keep picking it!
I have no idea how I didn't get some awful infection Blush
I often don't have a sense of smell, but I can always over-smell those candles like Yankee candles, then I can't get away from the smell. I hate perfume too.

Allofaflumble · 06/07/2015 21:49

I loathe fruity smells like passing Lush or Body Shop. As a kid I loved the smell of petrol and certain types of glue.

I pick my cuticles all the time. Pull out my hair, feeling for the kinky curly ones. Adore scabs and used to drive my parents crazy by popping bubble wrap!

Allofaflumble · 06/07/2015 21:52

Bertie I think I would have to go to be certain. If I missed an appointment, I would feel so guilty and awful, especially if scolded for it.

PolterGoose · 06/07/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 06/07/2015 22:03

But I don't know for sure what time it is either Blush I think it's 8.30 but can't be sure. And I really really hate getting up early. Argh.

Why didn't I write the date and time down somewhere else? I was bound to lose the appointment card Confused

ALittleFaith · 06/07/2015 23:22

Bertie I missed something yesterday because it wasn't in my phone. I'd go in personally, I'd rather go in on the wrong day than miss it.

I pick too. I have scars from picking scabs (mosquito bites in particular). I also chew skin on the side of my thumb nails.