The Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother - Webchat with author, Amy Chua - Today 1 - 2pm.

[RachelMumsnet]

The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother was met with an avalanche of debate on its publication in January. We're delighted Amy Chua will be joining us at MNHQ on Tuesday 7 June, 1-2pm, to discuss the book and even more that Bloomsbury have agreed to give away 200 copies of The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother to Mumsnetters in advance of the discussion.

Amy Chua's daughters, Sophia and Louisa (Lulu) were polite, interesting and helpful, they were two years ahead of their classmates in maths and had exceptional musical abilities. But Sophia and Lulu were never allowed to attend a sleepover, be in a school play, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, and not be the #1 student in every subject (except gym and drama). And they had to practise their instruments for hours every day, as well as in school breaks and on family holidays.

The Chinese-parenting model certainly seemed to produce results. But what happens when you do not tolerate disobedience and are confronted by a screaming child who would sooner freeze outside in the cold than be forced to play the piano?

In The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Amy Chua relates her experiences raising her children the 'Chinese way', and how dutiful, patient Sophia flourished under the regime and how tenacious, hot-tempered Lulu rebelled. It was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how you can be humbled by a 13-year-old.

Put the date in your diary to join Amy at lunchtime on 7 June.

For more information about Amy Chua and The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother please click here.

I've received my book and I'm enjoying it.

I had read the extracts in papers and followed a bit of talk about it - and what comes across in the book which articles seem to miss is humour . It's actually quite funny.

I was trying to save it, but have already finished it

I thought it was great. Really funny and true. She sends herself up from start to finish. I would never have bought it myself, so thanks, mn and Bloomsbury

(god knows how many hours Amy Chua has in a day, though. She must be a three hours sleep merchant)

Last night DD1 (9 in a couple of months), very uncharacteristically said, "Tomorrow as soon as I come back from school I'm going to do some Maths, then practice my violin and finally some reading". I was a bit and said that she reminded me of a book I was reading. And she said, brightening up at once, "Did you read that part about the fight with Lulu?"

She had read the book . She was quite sheepish about it, I think she would have smuggled it into her room and read quickly because I had no idea she was reading it.

What surprised me the most is that, rather than be horrified she actually seemed to think it was something nice. Seems like she wishes she had a cool tiger mother like Amy Chua than lazy easy-going me .

Got my copy. Thankyou.
Have only just started it, but like southofthethames says - she doesn't seem nearly as bad as the articles I've read have made out.

I got my copy two days ago. It's very repetitive...

got one here too thanks

Not impressed by the techniques which Amy uses. I have 5 children (from 8-21); I work f/t - as does my husband. My kids have been brought up in a loving and close home; we take meals together the great majority of the time; they have been trusted with what we consider age-appropriate freedoms (I'm happy to provide examples if anyone would like as I understand this is all a bit relative!)... Both their Dad and I have several degrees and probably because of this we feel that uni is neither here nor there - so would absolutely NOT put our kids under the stress which Amy does. Our oldest was accelerated through school - having a reading age of 12 when she was 5. She left school with 9 Higher grades at 'a' (Scottish equivalent of A Levels). Our oldest son has followed this pattern - and the others are equally bright 'achievers'. All done without pressure from us. I saw first-hand the damage that pushy obsessive parents could do. I don't support that type of approach at all...

Ms chua what would you do if your children were dyslexic or hyper sensitive or autistic or worse? You cannot assume they are able to cope with such unfeeling parenting.

Finished my copy. I enjoyed it and Amy does have a sense of humour.

My parents regretted not pushing me and my sister. My poor kids have got me and their grandparents encouraging them now .

I particularly liked the bit when she complained to her dh that he didn't have a dream for the dog

Very witty and smart and self-deprecating. I thought it was well-written.

I think I like it because we do live seem to have embraced a 'culture of praise' when it comes to out children. Her point that children are stronger and more capable than we give them credit for is an interesting one.

Dear Amy Chua

I read your book with interest. I also live in a mixed culture family (English-Christian me and French-Jewish DP), in Paris, and am very frequently confronted with higher/lower parenting standards than my own, and with cultural/social emphasis on particular skills that is different to those I was brought up with.

Having read your book, I am not won over by your "Chinese" emphasis on piano/violin at the expense of gym, drama and sleepovers! In our highly stressed, overachieving societies, I think we often forget to teach the skills of relaxed self-expression and that we forget this at the expense of our mental health. Any thoughts?

I have a deep respect for Amy Chua and much admiration.

I am genuinely interested in this - how can a mother who publicly humiliates and bullies her children have a sense of humour? Not being prickly, just genuinely curious (disclaimer - i havent read her book but the extracts are illuminating reading)

Dear Amy Chua - I would like to ask how much "nature vs nurture" plays a role in being a tiger mother. Clearly in your daughters' case there has been a great deal of nurture involved in their musical and academic achievements, but do you think they were born with an aptitude for music and inherited intelligence from their parents? I'm just wondering if you think any parent could achieve similar results even if their children were not musically or academically gifted.

Dear Amy,

How did you fit it all in while holding down your own job?! In your book you mentioned that you were driving your children to violin lessons at weekends, practising after school etc. How much did your husband do, or was it nearly all down to you?

Did you have a cleaner, gardener etc? (Please say 'yes' and I will know you aren't superhuman ).

By the way, I have to say the quote that has stayed with me is "assume strength, not fragility". I need a fridge magnet with that on.

Dear Amy,

The passage where you say you "decided to write an epic novel" and cite Maxine Hong Kingston, Amy Tan and Jung Chang as women who "all beat me to it with their books" made me laugh.

But it also made me realise that the question of how gender is linked to achievement/expectation doesn't seem to come up as an issue in your book as it does in all these others.

So I wondered whether you had any thoughts on this (would you have done things the same way if you had two sons?)

I enjoyed this book, I had already seen the comments quoted in the newspapers before but after reading in full the context completely changes, most of the time she is being ironic and self deprecating.
There are many things mentioned in the book that I can relate to and understand as I myself am of chinese descent, I do have some very light shades of Tiger Mother in me which seems to be inbuilt behaviour.

I do think that in Amy's experience, despite not allowing her daughters to have sleepovers, watch tv, have other hobbies other than music etc - she still spent time with her kids(even if it was "drilling" them), went on holidays, had birthday parties etc.

My question for Amy is that although this approach to parenting results in making academically successful students, does she think that this can result in social skills and creativity being neglected? And that this can hold them back in adulthood?
I know many children whose chinese parents were too busy working and just wanted their children to focus on academics and nothing else, leaving out the holidays, birthdays etc.

I got a free copy of the book - thanks very much! I really enjoyed reading it, albeit with my mouth open for much of it.

I'd like to ask two questions:

1. If you couldn't have children, how do you think your own career would have developed? Would you have put your energies into raising your husband's profile (sorry, but I doubt he'd put up with it!) or would you be President by now? Did you ever think (before getting pregnant) what your career would entail? You seem to have planned your children's lives with military precision - would you have applied this to your own?

2. Where did you find the time to do all that you did with the children? You say a lot of the time you were travelling - how did you know they were working in your absence? You write as though you were a stay at home mum, but you had your own career. When did you do that work?

Loved, LOVED you blaming your husband for not having plans for the dog!

Hi Amy. I really enjoyed your book. I grew up in a Malaysian Chinese community and could totally understand the cultural influences on how you brought up your girls. I was surprised by how hard the life of a music (Chinese) Mum is, but could recognise much of your behaviour as I have dipped in and out of being a ballet Mum.

But what I would like to ask it how you view the impact of strict attitudes on creativity? Do you think children?s creativity could be suppressed, and how did you cultivate your own children?s creativity?

A very good family friend was an English teacher for years in Singapore, teaching at ?A? level and Oxbridge level, and much appreciated by his pupils. But he had to fight constantly to get his pupils to think freely, and outside the box, in order for them to reach the Oxford University English degree entrance exam levels of thinking. (There is a poem about him from one of his pupils who went on to Oxford and then the USA here if anyone is interested.) He was deported from Singapore airport when he last tried to visit ex pupils ? viewed as too radical for this highly regimented Chinese community!

Sorry weblink didn't work. Trying again here

From personal and observational experience, the typical Chinese or Asian parent treatment is very damaging to self esteem and psychological health. I don't need to read the book to realise the results. If a child rebels or asserts themselves, it's because they are 'bad', if they obey and are dutifully and robotically 'wonderful', they aren't being their true selves and sooner or later the pressure cooker will explode.

I think Amy has done a wonderful job of writing down her experiences. I write myself and I should know. I am also a mother of a vivacious, zesty, gifted girl of 6. I love Amy's book and must say that I could not put it down until I finished it in just couple of days of reading - took it with me on my holiday to Scotland and finished it on the train. Although, some of her strategies would not be very nice on my parenting "tricks of the trade" but I understand where she comes from and it is very natural she went to those heights to keep her girls in line and well grounded. It is also true that Asians are different in their parenting styles that most of the Europeans or Americans due to sheer culture and age-old traditional values or notions that have been passed on from generations. It is but hard to let it all go, nevertheless we should always try to strike a balance when bringing up children across continents and I can say that too, because I am an Indian, brought up in a metropolis, lived all over India and moved to the States a decade ago and now living in the UK. It is hard - believe me and there is nothing wrong in learning or unlearning a thing or two from others. Every bit of experience matters in parenting - you never know which trick might do the job! If Amy ever comes to London, I would love to invite her for a cup of tea!

Hmm, I must admit that I had based my opinion on the book by the reports in the press. I think I will download the book and decide for myself (I presume there is a Kindle edition).

Amy
Could I ask if you were happy with the press reviews? From what other posters have written on this thread, it seems that they concentrated on the shocking and missed out on the amusing parts of the book. Ok, they want to sell newspapers, you and your publisher want to sell books, so the debate was likely positive. I suspect that there are many (like myself) who would not read your book because of the negative press.