drug dependant baby, advice needed

[EarthMotherImNot]

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

Wow, you are such an inspiration.
I've just read the whole thread on the verge of tears, but your post EMIN about the first smile sent me over the edge and Im sat here blubbing with a mixture of admiration, wonder, happiness and sadness.
Fantastic - you've given me faith in human nature and I'm so chuffed there are people in the world like you.
All the best to you both and may your fostering continue for years and years. Good on you.

Aw thank you, all of you

I've found the support I get on here has been so amazing, honestly at times, lots of times, it's kept me going.

The lo is my inspiration, she has come through something that most adults would cave in at and has come out (fingers crossed) the other end whole and happy.

As I type she is lying on the playmat batting at the baby gym kicking her legs like her life depends on it.

Just a few short weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to put her down without the, seemingly incessant screaming starting.

There is light at the end of the tunnel Minnerva

I have, and still do, struggle with the idea of her going home but, in all likelehood thats what will happen. Her mum is trying very hard and I have to accept that and hope she will continue to work on her addictions and have the strength to get through as well.

EMIN and Minnerva and your families,

Thank you.

You make this world a better place.

Just want to offer my admiration an respect at what your doing.

I hope the love, attention and affection will see these poor little babies on the right road.

You are priceless.

EMIN I think I remember a thread of yours when your last foster baby left to be adopted, it broke my heart (apologies if I've got the wrong person)

Thank god for people like you

x

just read the thread start to finish with tears all the way through

you're a strong lady emin!

yay for lo being a little fighter!

Lo weighing in at 10lb 3ozs

She is doing well apart from a reluctance to sleep after her late feed

This week her sw took one of the contact sessions which had been extended to 4 hours for parenting assessment purposes.

Lo's mum met sw and baby at a local shopping centre and she brought her own pram to push lo around in.

When sw returned with lo she remarked that seeing mum walk away after contact pushing the empty pram was one of the saddest things she'd ever seen.

I was , seriously? Baby born with heroin, methadone and diazapham in her tiny system, weeks and weeks of horrendous screaming and pushing an empty pram is sad.

I don't get it, I really don't.

Maybe she just thought the whole situation is sad.

Thankfully there are people like yourself who are able to care for these babies.

I hope to god she doesn't get lo back until she is well rid of the drugs.

Emin I know just what you mean......

At our lo's looked after child review baby's sw said ah-it's so sweet to see mum caring so well for the baby.................
this because she sat with her on her lap and fed her and burped her throughout the meeting.

I too thought 'are you for real?'-crack cocaine and heroin in her little body-it's taken her weeks to flush it through her system-only now is she starting to respond more normally.

Not a single one of us at that meeting said what we truly thought- not mum-sw-me-health visitor-we all had to be terribly PC and make the correct noises.This woman has already lost control of 2 children,both of which have suffered 'non accidental injuries'and we tell her how well she is doing because she can bottle feed a baby.....Sheesh!!

The good news is lo weighs 6lb 7oz-an increase of 8oz in 7 days-at long last some weight is starting to go on her bones.

I think I would feel terribly alone if I couldn't come on here and have a little moan and/or pick EMIN's brains for advice.The support system is brill here and I thank God for it every day.

Good heavens Minnerva, are you me in a different reality?

I know exactly what you mean about the meetings and the PC talk, I too sit quietly and seethe/listen to the waffling and despair.

Lo's sw is so over the top and, in my opinion, very biased towards the mum that it's a foregone conclusion that lo will go home at some stage.

Dh is now more or less retired from his working life and now takes a more active roll in fostering but there is no way I could let him go to a review or meeting because he couldn't sit quietly to save his life.

Glad to hear your lo is picking up, it's lovely when they lose the pinched look and when they smile for the first time, oh boy, keep the tissues handy

Great to hear both babies are doing well, and where ever you are some sw's just don't seem to get the big picture - ho hum.

What a fascinating thread to read. I am about to adopt a baby girl who has been through the same experience. I have met the foster mum, but it's been incredibly helpful - and moving - to read these posts. It's given me much more of an insight into my dd's early weeks. Thank you.

How exciting hester I hope it all goes well for you and the lo.

Aw..... that's wonderful hester-I wish you all of the love and luck in the world.
How old will lo be?.

Thank you both. She will be 10 months. EarthMother, everything you've said about your lo sounds like my dd's early months.

Fortunately she is now happy, smiley and sleeping, though I know there are many uncertainties for the future. Right now I can't really see past how we will all cope with taking her away from her foster mother - the only mum she's ever known. I've watched them together on DVD and the bond between them is clearly very strong. I can't believe I am about to traumatise my dd all over again.

It's a brutal process, isn't it?

Oh hester if you feel like this you are going to make a super mother

It always astounds me, when I move a baby on, and some of them are here from birth to 18 months, how very quickly they adapt to their new lives.

I always feel like they should miss me more (selfish I know) but deep down I'm relieved for them.

Spend as much time as you can on her level, ie the floor, during introductions. Feed change and bathe her as often as you can and, most importantly listen to, and be sensitive towards the foster mum.

If she's anything like me she will be silently grieving her coming loss.

Can I also add I usually enjoy, for the most part, getting to know the new family and helping them as much as possible.

You see, I don't worry about the ones who go for adoption, I worry about the ones that don't!

When do your introductions start, do keep us updated please

It does seem like a brutal process but she will adapt quickly and this match between you both is obviously the best thing for baby.

I can see what you mean EMIN about the ones that don't..........I suppose you know that the ones that do are going into a family that wants them very much and will love and nurture them always whereas the other choice is not probably not going to be quite such a fairy tale ending.

The prospect of yo-yoing back and forth into the care system is too horrible a reality but unfortunately too true a reality for some.

hester please give us an occasional update if you have the time-I am always interested to hear people's stories and we can all learn from other peoples experiences.

Good luck!!

You're both really kind . Our introductions start beginning August. The foster mother is actually not that silent about her grief, and she was a bit antsy towards us at first, but as soon as I saw that DVD of them together I completely got how she was feeling, and stopped taking it personally. She really, really cares about this baby and I would FAR rather be dealing with her and her feelings than with someone who felt cool and detached. Her loving care may be our dd's best chance of overcoming her very-far-from-ideal start in life. She'll have to really go some to make me feel she's anything less than a goddess.

Very reassuring to hear that babies usually adapt to the transition. I suppose it's very hard for us mothers to imagine that that could be possible (I also have a birth child).

Thanks so much for the advice; it's really appreciated. I'll let you know how we get on!

Baby has been for her LAC medical today. Her mum wanted to take her so I asked if the doctor could record his/her findings in her yellow book.

Baby came home and her weight is 7lb 4oz.

In the section for doctors comments it has been written, bearing in mind the medical took well over an hour, "No issues"

Dh put lo in her crib for a sleep and she started to cry, " now now" he said, "you've got no issues so go to sleep this minute" sadly she totally ignored him

Aaaw that is so sweet! I have followed this thread since it started and I really want to say how amazing you are Emin and Minerva - I don't think I could do it, I would get too attached to the lo's!
But now your lo has had such a good start thanks to you Emin, it's so fantastic to hear how well she is doing (no issues!! ) now and I really hope everything works out well for her. Also many good wishes for you Hester, you will be an amazing mother to your lovely new dd
Please keep updating about the lo's, it's so sad but also heartwarming to hear about their progress

Lo went for her 3rd lot of jabs today and the practice nurse made the comment "you both must feel enormously proud of how far she's come, and never forget, thats down to you two"

I have to confess I sobbed all over her lovely blue uniform, poor woman didn't know where to put herself

In my defence lo is teething and I'd been up best part of the night with her seemed cruel to be giving her injections on top of it all.

She will be 5 months old day after tomorrow and the nurse was of course right, we are very very proud of her

She is still tiny, only around 12lbs but oh what a treasure she is with her wicked little chuckle and huge blue eyes. It's been incredibly hard work but I'm so glad she came to us.

Earth Mother - I've been watching this thread for months. Your last post brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing thing you have done for her. She is so lucky.

Thank you walkbesideme, thats very kind of you.

I have to say I've never felt as knackered in all my life, she doesn't seem to need much sleep and she becomes very upset if she's left alone for more than a few minutes but I can't look at her without feeling a sense of achievement

I remember you as flower - am so pleased you have another baby to care for. I can't imagine anyone better to care for such a fragile being - seems like a weird thing to say when you haven't actually met someone but your kindness, compassion and nurturing comes through so much in your posts. This lo seems to be thriving. Well done dd was tiny so I know what it's like having such a teeny one. She was 5lb when she came home (born weighing 3lbs as 10 weeks prem). Her favourite position was the one your lo favours (against my chest under my chin). In fact that is the only way she would sleep. And she fed little and often - makes sense when they are small. It's lovely for you that her character is emerging and you are getting chuckles and smiles . Hope you manage to get some sleep soon - it's tough trying to keep going on minimum sleep.

Hi Ladylush, how lovely you remembered my old persona

Lo was under 5lbs and the smallest lo we've had so far. I found it scary how very fragile she seemed and with the constant screaming I was afraid that with such a tiny being it would be too much for her

Happily she came through it and while she is still small she is getting there bit by bit.