Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

drug dependant baby, advice needed

734 replies

EarthMotherImNot · 03/03/2010 15:20

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 27/01/2011 10:05

Oh EMIN.

What a wonderful woman you are.

This thread is an inspiration.

I would have that whiskey if I were you. You must feel so bereft. But what a wonderful thing you and DH have done.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 27/01/2011 10:14

Thank you GOML. Bereft is exactly how we feelSad

I had, without the aid of whisky I might add, pulled myself together somewhat when I had a text from one of our previous adopters saying she was thinking of me today.

Pass the damn tissues again!

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 27/01/2011 10:23

:(

Flippin' eck - I'm blubbing.

What a lovely person you are.

Well done - you gave the little madam the best start. :)

Cadmum · 27/01/2011 10:29

Blubbing here too not that it does your broken heart any good.

How ever do you mange to stay cheerful. Were the new mum and dad over the moon?

You are truly amazing. I hope ladybird's parents stay in touch with you Nd that your heart is not too broken without her.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 27/01/2011 10:48

I put her little jacket on and she got all wiggly with excitement because she knew that meant she was going out, then new mum and dad arrived.

She beamed her smile at them and new dad shook Dh's hand in a manly wayGrin

New mum spotted my red, damp, hastily wiped eyes and said "oh bless you" and she stroked my cheekSad

She has texted to say "please don't be sad, we'll visit soon" so fingers crossedSmile

OP posts:
Minnerva · 27/01/2011 11:14

She is happy and secure because of the love and care that you have shown her.

She will settle into her new home with her new mummy and daddy and go on to grow up in a loving and nurturing environment-and it's all thanks to you.You have made several lives all the richer for being a part of them.

M xx

EsioTrot · 27/01/2011 11:23

EMIN, I have read this entire thread in floods of tears. You and your DH are truly remarkable.

I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, but I am in awe of you. You've made such a difference to that little girls life and that of her adoptive parents too.

A huge well done. The world is a better place because of people like you.

I'll be thinking of you and the baby girl who will always be a little bit 'yours' Wink

Very best wishes and good luck for the future.

wannaBe · 27/01/2011 11:33

aww. Smile

Are there any new placements looming that will help take your mind off her going?

She will be fine, and you know you have done your very best for her.

p99gmb · 27/01/2011 11:53

Dear Emin & DH.

I went to bed thinking of you all. I awoke this morning and my thoughts were with you.

You have touched many lives - not just LO's and her new family. You have touched mine too. I can't think of what you've done and your pain without welling up.

I gave extra hugs & kisses to my 2 LO's today with the thought that they may move back home sooner rather than later. I cannot imagine how it will feel - they are my first FC but I know no matter how many I have it will always hurt. People already say they worry for me.

So - I'm banking on you all to help me when the time comes!! lol (ish) - can you have a col (cry out loud?)

I sincerely hope the family do keep in touch with you and continue the love you started.

HaveToWearHeels · 27/01/2011 12:13

Oh EMIN, I too am in floods here, it was your last post that did it !

"I put her little jacket on and she got all wiggly with excitement" I knew exactly what you ment as my DD is exactly the same at 16 months and I can't imagine giving away my little girl.

LO was your little girl for 10 months and the pain your are feeling must be like giving away one of your own.

Her new parents sound lovely and hopefully they will keep their promise so keep in touch and visit soon.

I have been tinking of adoption lately as the chances are I will not be able to have another child now, I have already decided that if I do, I would stay in touch with Foster Family.

Huge unMumsNetty hugs to you and DH.

ps Do most parents stay in touch ?

JessemyParkson · 27/01/2011 12:36

I've only just seen this thread, and I've spent all morning reading through your wonderful, if testint, journey. I managed not to cry until your 2nd to last post "She's gone".

What a gift you have given both her and her new parents.

I hope you don't mind, but God bless you, and Ladybird, and her new family

JessemyParkson · 27/01/2011 12:37

*testing

!

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/01/2011 12:38

Even though you must feel so sad, EMIN, what a lovely happy ending this thread has. A little baby who was in so much pain when she was born, has, thanks to you and your DH, been loved and nurtured into the healthy child she now is. And how happy her new parents must be.

I for one am glad that she didn't have to go back with her birth mother. At least she will be safe and well and loved.

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 27/01/2011 13:39

Thank you all, everyone who has posted support, each and every one of you have helped me through this.

From the first inklings of a drug dependent baby's arrival, to her leaving us today, you got me through it while I was getting her through it ITSWIMSmile

We've been blessed HTWH in that an awful lot of our adopters keep in touch and often visit us and I think I mentioned earlier one of them even texted me this morningSmileto wish us luck.

The ones who promise then don't keep in touch get pins stuck in wax imagesWink

OP posts:
SquidgyBrain · 27/01/2011 14:00

EMIN - (((HUGS))) It does sounds like the LO has been truly blessed, not only did she have wonderful foster parents to nurse and get her though the horrible early days, and then nurture her and help her grow, it also sounds like she has been gifted with a wonderful forever family :)

Hang on in there

Casserole · 27/01/2011 14:06

Emin I woke up this morning with my heart like lead, because I knew what this day held for you.

Can't type without welling up, so can only imagine a hint of how bereft you must feel today, and how quiet the house. I hope you can put some nice things in your diary over the next couple of weeks to get you out and give you some ways to pass the time while the pain is so acute.

You should be so, so, SO very proud.

Lots of love... and whiskey.

xxx

Aitch · 27/01/2011 14:53

oh EMIN, you have done so marvellously, so many lives transformed by your love and care. what a gift you have given to the world, there, fantastically well done. it must feel amazing/terrible, such a low and such a high. well done.

Katz · 27/01/2011 14:53

you and your DH are amazing - thinking of you and hoping the next few days aren't too painful, just remember what a fantastic thing you have done for this little girl and all the other s who've been through your care.

fostermumtomany · 27/01/2011 19:53

well done. you have done an extremely difficult and painful thing today but you know as do many of us that it will get easier.

the joy you have brought to the new family is an exceptional gift.

let yourself grieve, and then fill your void with tiny new arms that need you.

i know you feel so empty just now but it will get better.

again as everybody else has said be proud of yourself and your lo who without you probably wouldnt have made it.

huge hugs and love and a lot of awe.
xxxxxxx

HaveToWearHeels · 27/01/2011 20:45

EMIN, I can only think of the possitives for an adoptive family to stay in touch with foster family, especially with new borns like your LO's. You are sort of the roots to their growth, you gave them a good strong start and will always be the foundation of their new life.
I am pleased to that many stay in touch, and those that don't deserve pins sticking lol

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 28/01/2011 09:16

Good morning all. Well thats the first night over with, it was strange not being able to put her to bed and I kept finding myself listening for herSad

Mum sent me 3 mobile photo's of little one which, of course, made me cry all over againSadespecially one where she had fallen asleep in her mums arms.

I'm on here because I'm putting off stripping her cotBlush

It's official, Emin is a wimp!

OP posts:
Cadmum · 28/01/2011 09:56

Emin is not a wimp; she is a lovely, compassionate, fabulous person who misses someone that has been a very big part of her life for the past 10 months.

We would all worry about you (and your babies) more if you weren't feeling sad and putting off stripping the cot.

It must be bitter-sweet to receive the photos. It does sound as though lo has a lovely new family and the fact that she is able to settle in a new environment is down to the love she learned from you.

CMOTdibbler · 28/01/2011 10:01

Oh EMIn (((hugs))) - you do such an amazing job starting these babies off in life, and I know I could never do it.

I hope that the new families always remember you, and tell their children how you loved them till they were able to join their always family

Original poster
EarthMotherImNot · 28/01/2011 10:54

Well I walked in her room and trod on one of her dummies, so I walked back out again because that was a sign, it's not time to strip the cot yet, wasn't it?Blush

Dh has offered to do it but stupidly I feel I need to do it, just not right now!

I've contacted our placement service because we have to inform them when a child has moved from us. They asked, because it's very quiet on the baby placements at the moment, if I'd like to try mother and baby placements.

I'll talk it over with Dh but it doesn't ring any bells for me.

OP posts:
Aitch · 28/01/2011 14:03

oh emin, this will be a lonely time for you and dh and the rest of your family. hold fast to each other.