Submissions are invited of poetry to commemorate the life and mourn the death of DS2's guinea pig

[Threadworm]

Died yesterday after a mercifully short illness.

In Memoriam

So, farewell then
Beetle.
That was not your real name.

Internet paranoia has made me choose
An alias.
And Keith's mum says that Beetle is
A very good name
For a guinea pig.

Especially one that was black and fat.
That was probably what killed you.
Being so fat
I mean.

E. J. Thread, aged 17 and a half.

[Hassled]

lol at Chaucer and Boco's concern about impacted poo

[ruty]

and am loving rhyming onus with anus

[Threadworm]

When Boco says to grief-struck Thread
'Keep that nugget in your head'
The worm replies
(With rending cries)

'So many nuggets in my head
I know not why I be not dead.
My cranium is so be-facted
I am near fatally impacted.

This final fact
(That I'm to blame
for Beetle's death,
Oh endless shame!)
Comes to me like a fatal pox.
Farewell!
I enter my shoe-box.

[onebatmother]

Oh Threadie!
Do not take on so!
That shoe-box leaves
No room to grow.

[onebatmother]

The puzzled nose, the blinking eyes
The silent signal of surprise
at Wednesday's, Thursday's empty bowl.
'What have I done to make it so?'

[Hassled]

Yay! It's in Classics! Thanks MN, and thanks Threadworm. More importantly, thank you AKA Beetle. From what I have learnt of ALA Beetle through the medium of poetry, it is a well-deserved award.

[ebeneezer]

Threadie!Bury not your noggin in the sand!
Your hound clearly ate your cochondande.

[ebeneezer]

Classics? Good.

Threadie gets emotional...

I'd like to thank ds, for the spark that ignited this creativity. And the many, many people who worked on it while it was in production...you know who you are..thank you so much (thinks: good job they know who they are, I certainly don't). And special, heartfelt thanks to that amazin, talented, generous rodent, Beetle, ....(breaks down and is led away from the stage to great applause)

[onebatmother]

[Boco]

Disclaimer.

My theory here was well intentioned
Though it should be clearly mentioned
As veterinarian I've never trained
I fear that I am too small brained
I'm not remotely qualified
To open animals and look inside.
Although I've started NVQ
In 'Things Concerning Pee and Poo'.

[ruty]

Though Boco be into the scatalogical
And shitty poo is tautological
I thought it might be a la mode
To picture Beetle on his commode
Though of course he did have none
The carpet being his chosen one.

[atowncalledalice]

This thread is hilarious!

[Boco]

LOL Ruty

[WilfSell]

Sonnet for a cold, wet, slightly pissy Beetle

What nuts my teeth have munched, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what piss-soaked hay has dried, stuck to my fur, till longsince cleaning time;
But the teenagers are full of beer tonight, that huff and sigh away from the cage again And I squeak and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered turds that once again
I will step in at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the frozen water flow,
Nor knows what icy sills I lived on, one by one,
Yet knows its ice more solid than before:
I cannot know what kids have come and gone,
I only know that responsibility sang in them,
A little while, that in them sings no more.

[And apologies to both Millay and Threadworm's children who are in no way implied as negligent herein, since this was the best I could do to plagiarise the only poem I know in the face of all the Eng Lit PhDs]

[ruty]

[Threadworm]

Another splendid one, despite the slander.

[Threadworm]

This note was pushed under my door.

You've gained a lot of sympathy
From the death of your cavy

We've read the thread and, here's the gist,
We think that you're a fantasist

We need proof of your dead pig.
We've got spades and we will dig

For evidence that he's deceased
Fear us: we are the Troll Police.

[paolosgirl]

DD wrote a lovely ode to Rosie, our guinea pig who sadly passed on to pig heaven a few years ago.

Rosie, Rosie
You are dead
You are a dead pig

This could be repeated over and over and over, and was especially effective in making DS wail and sob more than was strictly necessary.

[ruty]

chilling.

[TsarChasm]

I will be writing to the Pope
To send a whiff of Holy smoke
Our GP must be canonized
Exhaulted, praised and realised

His life must not be lost in vain
Saint Beetle must rise up again
Welcome him and feel his touch!!

...Oh, I see you've sold the hutch.
(On Ebay)

[ruty]

Though not wanting to disturb your sleep
It is my duty to point out
That the fox unearthed up my dear cat's corpse
So I do hope you dug deep.

[ruty]

bugger without the 'up'

[WilfSell]

By the Dog

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where de body is?

[IorekByrnison]

Another sonnet (including further impertinent speculation as to the functioning of the little creature's bowels)

Poor Beetle soon departed from that cage
That was to him the earth in lattice barred
In hush he goes: no fearful squeaks of rage
Might be perceived, nor noisy mewling heard.

He fell asleep, his furry head laid low
And dreamt of virgin boards where he might make
A feast of currants: such a fruitful flow
No longer could he muster when awake.

Such was the joy of blissful memories seen
In Lethe?s dark waters that he longed to stay
Where peristalsis? alchemy was keen
And pellets fell ?neath bedclothes every day.

Think not that your neglect had been the cause
He wanted just the heav?n of bedroom floors.

[WilfSell]