Submissions are invited of poetry to commemorate the life and mourn the death of DS2's guinea pig

[Threadworm]

Died yesterday after a mercifully short illness.

In Memoriam

So, farewell then
Beetle.
That was not your real name.

Internet paranoia has made me choose
An alias.
And Keith's mum says that Beetle is
A very good name
For a guinea pig.

Especially one that was black and fat.
That was probably what killed you.
Being so fat
I mean.

E. J. Thread, aged 17 and a half.

[lou031205]

Beetle, although your shape was one of a piggy,
Your worth was that of a thousand Guineas
We shall miss your furry self
But will fondly keep your ashes on the shelf.
We shall not cry, we shall not weep,
But will remember you as you sleep...

Departed but not forgotten. Beetle.

[Katisha]

Goodbye little cavy, now in your gravey
(I don't mean stew - we're not from Peru)

[Threadworm]

Lolol Katisha! And thank you, all.

[EachPeachPearMum]

These are so good! Esp Tsarchasm

[VintageGardenia]

A Tribute to Beetle and Burns

Thro' Heav'n's gate you pattered ere
I caught your glance this day.
Where guinea pigs a' frolic in
Th'eternal fresh-placed hay.

Aboon them a' ya tak your place
We'll ne'er see you mair.
We'll ne'er look upon your face
Nor stroke your sleekit hair.

Whate'er sleekit means, you chose
This day to limpe away,
Or crowl, or crepe, howe'er you left,
You've gan agley.

[Threadworm]

Absolutely brilliant Vintage.

And he was sleekit! How did you know?

[VintageGardenia]

Well I could hardly write a tribute poem to someone I didn't know. I used to meet him at the school gate, then we had coffee once or twice.

[Threadworm]

[PenelopePissedoff]

lfmao @ Vintage - and so timely

[Habbibu]

Home they brought the guinea-pig dead:
The dog nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All the fam'ly, watching, said,
?He must bark or he will die.?

Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet he neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a ds from his place,
Lightly to the cavie stepped,
Took the sawdust from the face;
Yet dog neither moved nor leapt.

Threadie, a MNer of xxx years,
Set a chewstick upon her knee?
Like summer tempest came his howls?
?Sweet dog biscuit, I live for thee.?

[Threadworm]

The dog has shed a salty tear,
That could not flow before,
In mem'ry of a foe so dear --
Your verse unlocked the door.

He barks of how it is now clear
That he whom he wouldst begore
Was ('spite their feud) held bosom-near --
A love played out as war.

[pagwatch]

farewell fat pig
you pushed your luck
you ate too much
now off you fuck

[Threadworm]

Tone is now officially lowered.

Splendid btw Hab (and pag). Deeply moved

[SheherazadetheBard]

pagwatch i am moved to tears by your offering.

[pagwatch]

well, you know I really wanted to get it just right....

[SheherazadetheBard]

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murdering pattle.
seeing as ye are deid an'all

[Threadworm]

[VintageGardenia]

Pile of sawdust, corpse amid it.
Who, like me, thinks the Threadworm did it?

[Habbibu]

Brilliant, VG.

[Threadworm]

I'm still sobbing from Habbibu's -- my last was a tribute to that one.

Pondering now as to whether we should have wormed him.

[ProfRichardDawkins]

Very sorry to hear about the GP, Threadie. Here's my ode to him. With apologies to Lewis Carroll

Twas sadly, that the guinea pig,
Was gently lowered in his grave:
All teary were the threadworms,
But the dog was outrgaed.

"Ignore the Guinea Pig, my friends.
The jowls all stiff, in frozen fat!
Leave sadness in the ground, and stroke,
My wire-haired comforting back!"

[Threadworm]

Excellent swedes. Fat frozen jowls startlingly accurate. To complete the poem:

Dog opened his vorpal jaws right broad:
Long time the plumpsome foe he sought,
Buried beneath the ornamental pear tree.
Dog dug awhile with paws.

And, as with wuffish growls he dug,
The plumpsome pig, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey soil,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
Its rodent teeth went snicker-snack!
He left dog dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

[Threadworm]

Oh. I had a wire-haired comforting back. And now I have a headless dog.

[Habbibu]

You're beginning to seem careless, Threadie.

[ProfRichardDawkins]

Habbibu - Do you have a Liverpudlian accent?