Submissions are invited of poetry to commemorate the life and mourn the death of DS2's guinea pig

[Threadworm]

Died yesterday after a mercifully short illness.

In Memoriam

So, farewell then
Beetle.
That was not your real name.

Internet paranoia has made me choose
An alias.
And Keith's mum says that Beetle is
A very good name
For a guinea pig.

Especially one that was black and fat.
That was probably what killed you.
Being so fat
I mean.

E. J. Thread, aged 17 and a half.

[iwascyteenagewerewolf]

I can't believe I missed this the first time round Am crying with laughter at my desk (and also really quite moved by schneebly's poem above).

[cherrymonster]

i have just read this thread in tears from laughing so hard, amid my children looking at me like i have gone off and wondering what the hell i am laughing at!

[GentleOtter]

Spike
You were, like
A cool cavy.

[oneopinionatedmother]

@pagwatch...

very Dorothy Sayers. Had me i tears of laughter, baby looking at me as though deranged, toddler laughing but not realy knowing why.

[RemusLupinInAWizardsuit]

Just found this again and has me rolling with teary laughter (also again).

Even my own efforts were shockingly good not bad.

Wonder if Daisy Goodwin saw this thread?

[Meglet]

Just found one of my g-pigs dead in the run . I felt I had to commemorate him here.....

Rest in peace snowy white Spike,
Off to hutch heaven towards the bright light,
I was sad for a while when I tucked your lonesome little pal into her bed,
Then cheered up when I realised I could do a piggy poem on this MN thread .

[schneebly]

I am no typist either

[schneebly]

Love this thread - just been given a link on my Guinbea Pig mourning thread. I am no peot but this one is for my Ruby.

Little pink ears.
Nut-brown fur.
Comical whistler.
Ruby.
You were.

[Northernlurker]

Bump - mumsnet has gone a bit mad and it's time to remember some good stuff

[Threadworm]

Oh that is lovely Habbibu. Thank you. Handsome Chris will be so pleased.

Time well wasted.

[Habbibu]

As requested:

THE guinea-pig with drops of his heart's blood
Had nourished the red rose, then came a wind,
And catching at the boughs in envious mood,
A hundred thorns about his heart entwined.
Like to the dog crunching bones, good
Seemed the world to me who could not stay
The wind of Death that swept my hopes away.

Light of mine eyes and cheek-pouch of my heart,
And mine at least in short-term memory!
Ah, when he found it easy to depart,
He left the harder exercise wheel to me!
Oh Great Run Maker, though the exercise ball start,
For God's sake help me lift my fallen sun,
And Pity be my comrade of the run!

My fur is seamed with dust, mine eyes are wet.
Of dust and tears the stripy firmament
Kneadeth the bars for joy's abode; and yet . . .
Alas, and weeping yet I make lament!
Because the moon her jealous glances set
Upon the bow-bent fur-whorls of my moon,
He sought a lodging in the grave-too soon!

I had not castled, and the time is gone.
What shall I play? Upon the sawdusted floor
Of Night and Day, Death won the game-forlorn
And careless now, Chris can lose no more.

[Threadworm]

I've just read the thread through properly now. There are lots of brilliant poems that I missed before, in the thread's rapid expansion.

On behalf of Beetle, thank you from my heart. I am deeply touched.

You will all get free advance copies of Beetle: A Life in Verse.

And now I enter deepest mourning. In Peru it is traditional not to post on internet forums for two weeks after the death of a guinea pig.

Farewell.

[cremolafoam]

Rabbie Burns( cas we arecose to Burn's Night)
Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an chase thee,
Wi murdering pattle!

I'm truly sorry man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union,
An justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion.
An fellow mortal!

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve:
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
'S a sma request;
I'll get a blessin wi the lave,
An never miss't!

Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!
Its silly wa's the win's are strewin!
An naething, now, to big a new ane,
O foggage green!
An bleak December's win's ensuin.
Baith snell an keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an waste,
An weary winter comin fast.
An cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell,
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro thy cell.

That wee bit heap o leaves an stibble,
Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble.
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An cranreuch cauld!

But piggie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o guinea pigs an men
Gang aft agley,
An lea'e us nought but grief an pain,
For promis'd joy!

Still thou art blest, compar'd wi me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e'e,
On prospects drear!
An forward, tho I canna see,
I guess an fear!

[ruty]

[sorry Beetle]

[ruty]

To be eaten by a setter
Is surely nobler and better
Than, after eating too much grass,
Getting all impacted up the arse.

[vacaloca]

Oh dear lord. Stop it now. I have a tax return to fill and I can't see the screen through the tears.

[onebatmother]

Yes.

[Threadworm]

(...which is pretty much what happened to Beetle)

[onebatmother]

Though at least his little whorly life ended on a high point. It would have been sad had he grown old and fat and addicted and died on the loo.

[AmIOdetteOrOdileOrABagpipe]

The once was a pet named Beetle
He looked like a rat a leetle,
Though much cuter I found
He?s now underground
Poor stone dead little Beetle.

[onebatmother]

oh my GOD Boco.

[mollyroger]

oh Boco, sorry but ROFL!
That's so black, you couldn't make it up!

[talulasmumII]

lol TW, arn't ferrets bigger than jack russells?

[GivePeasAChance]

An ode to Beetle:

To honour your life, I have been thinking
About all the good things you did
It's hard because there is not much to remember
All you did was shit, piss and linger

[Threadworm]

A year or so ago an MP's jack russell ate a ferret at a country show. Or did I dream that?