Page 19 | That annoying guest - what is their christmas crime?

MrsWhites · 2025-12-14T13:54:15+00:00

So everyone has a guest or someone in the family if you don’t host who will do something seemingly innocent that will piss everyone off? Who is yours and why? I’ll go first - My sister because she uses all the gravy and doesn’t get off her arse to go and make more! No matter how much gravy we put out she will always use most of it! It’s got to the point now where we put the gravy boars furthest away from her so everyone else gets a go first!

Original poster

MrsWhites · 15/12/2025 17:03

I can’t believe the check of some of these people - some of you have the patience of a saint!

OP posts:

Betterbeanon · 15/12/2025 17:09

Scout2016 · 15/12/2025 17:02

I'd be interested to know how many of these BILs are your other half's sibling, and how many are married to your siblings. It must be awful having a sibling married to a knobhead.

I do think vetting In Laws before marrying is important. I know it sounds daft but I knew there wasn't going to be a future with some exes when I met their families and couldn't relax. Says more about me than them I'm sure (I'm awkward) but still.

I think it is easier when the BIL is married to your sibling, as the 'I have to impress the inlaws' isn't there. The BIL is simply a bloke that is married to your sister (or brother if a same sex marriage) and should know his place :-D

When the BIL is your OH's sibling, you have less clout and you become the dutiful pleaser.

Either way, BILs tend to be as irritating as hell and are usually a carbon copy of the FIL.

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 17:17

MyDeftDuck · 15/12/2025 17:00

Mine is a non - guest gripe……..let me explain. OH brother is getting divorced, he also rarely phones my OH and only then when he wants something. OH has been quite poorly recently and his family know this. He’s had contact from them all……apart from the pending divorcee who just happened to phone yesterday to ask what WE were doing for Christmas but didn’t bother to enquire about his health……..OH explained that we were going away, which we are…….pending divorcee immediately cut the call short ! Do you reckon he was hankering after an invite?

That is so awful

Baital · 15/12/2025 17:18

EasyLifer · 14/12/2025 14:25

The person who stands right in the middle of the kitchen "helping" me but is really just getting in the way and chatting shit while I'm trying to conentrate on getting my timings right for dishing up.

This (yes, DM, looking at you!)

Anjo2011 · 15/12/2025 17:23

The one(s) that come for a ‘few’ days with no leaving date and bring a jar of pickled onions as their contribution. They don’t like turkey but hate it so much they are looking in the fridge at midnight to see if there’s leftovers for a turkey sandwich. True story.

Parry5timesbeforedeath · 15/12/2025 17:25

I like people chatting to me in the kitchen.

But my DM 'helps' by saying 'shall I get the plates out? Do you prefer these plates or these plates? Do want them all to match? Does DS1 want a full sized plate? Do you have any other plates? Do you prefer them to be laid out on the table now? Would you like me to heat them up in the oven? Well, the turkey has to rest so there is time probably to heat them up. Heated plates are much nicer aren't they? Do you have oven gloves so i can carry them? Are you sure you want these plates? They don't quite match and it is Christmas after all. Oh, those ones are Spode, do you have a full set? Are you sure you want to use these... your father tends to scrape and the glaze might come off....' and on it goes.

But she gets offended if I say 'Please just go and sit down. I have it under control'.

Snowangles · 15/12/2025 17:27

@Scout2016 totally agree it's so important !

In laws can make or break a marriage

SpaceRaccoon · 15/12/2025 17:28

TheDenimPoet · 15/12/2025 16:44

My dad's sister will consistently (not just at Christmas) tell people what they "should" have done, instead of what they "did" do. Whether that's in person, or on social media, there's always an opinion about what you've done wrong, and should have done better. It sounds mild when compared to some, but it's worn me down over the past 4 decades!

My stepson is also a pain when he comes round - as he will pick up on every single thing my grandparents say wrong. They're in their 80s, and sometimes use the wrong words, things we're no longer allowed to say etc. Let me be clear, they're lovely, they would never offend someone intentionally, they're just saying things they were brought up saying. I know this sounds like the typical "but I have black friends" statement, but there are people in our family from all walks of life, all colours, all sexualities, disabilities etc, and my grandparents have always treated them the same - as of course they should. It's just the words they use sometimes. Stepson will correct them and explain why, but in a very nasty, condescending way, as if he knows best. Neither of their memories are particularly great anymore, so they will never remember what they've been told anyway. I feel like if they were 20 years younger they'd have actually taken it on board, but their confusion is just too great now.

This has actually upset me - I wouldn't want the condescending little shit near my precious grandparents.

Monty34 · 15/12/2025 17:29

Parry5timesbeforedeath · 15/12/2025 17:25

I like people chatting to me in the kitchen.

But my DM 'helps' by saying 'shall I get the plates out? Do you prefer these plates or these plates? Do want them all to match? Does DS1 want a full sized plate? Do you have any other plates? Do you prefer them to be laid out on the table now? Would you like me to heat them up in the oven? Well, the turkey has to rest so there is time probably to heat them up. Heated plates are much nicer aren't they? Do you have oven gloves so i can carry them? Are you sure you want these plates? They don't quite match and it is Christmas after all. Oh, those ones are Spode, do you have a full set? Are you sure you want to use these... your father tends to scrape and the glaze might come off....' and on it goes.

But she gets offended if I say 'Please just go and sit down. I have it under control'.

You have my deepest sympathy. Seriously.

Elsvieta · 15/12/2025 17:32

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/12/2025 16:45

What a bellend. Just frown and say, 'sorry I don't understand what you mean?' And make him explain the 'joke'. Repeat that you still don't understand so he has to explain it again and look even more of a tit.

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Yeah, and then when he mentions your achievement, look confused and say that you don't even remember that, with the face and tone you'd employ if someone kept going on about that time you ate a cheese sandwich twenty years ago. Act like he's very odd for remembering this, let alone still thinking about it.

Alternatively, think of something to say that implies you've REALLY let your supposed halo slip since. Like, gone to the bad in a BIG way. Think of something that seems to imply both criminality and something embarrassingly sexual...

Cherrysoup · 15/12/2025 17:39

Chiefangel · 15/12/2025 12:45

I just fume every year after doing all the cooking and clearing up to find that the same person year on year has eaten all the green triangles in the quality street yet again, knowing that they are my favourite. Just upsetting. But this year I’ve taken them all out so I can enjoy them in peace .

I love this!

bert3400 · 15/12/2025 17:44

My in-laws who stayed for 5 weeks ( we live overseas) and didn't bring/buy a single thing for Christmas day or for the whole time they stayed...not one bottle of wine...no contributions at all . They are coming again this year and I'm going to struggle to keep my mouth shut

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 15/12/2025 17:45

RememberHowYouMadeMeCrazy · 14/12/2025 15:18

A relative who insists on commenting on every single persons portion size of everything we eat and telling us that she ‘couldn’t possibly eat that much’. No matter how much we serve her, it’s always ‘too much’.

Last year every time I gave her something to eat, my daughter got in first and said ‘yes we know it’s too much, we know you couldn’t possibly eat our piggy portions, but no one minds if the dog or foxes end up getting extra if you waste it so no need to comment.’ 😂 Loved her for saying it but I was cringing because everyone was smirking. 😬 My son said if she starts this year with dinner, then he’s literally serving her a tiny teaspoon of Xmas pudding.

Good on your daughter! We’ve had one of those and in all seriousness, it hugely triggers all the feelings I had during a teenage/early adult eating disorder. I could barely eat around this person, knowing we were all being judged for our gluttony and every time I heard “just a tiiiiiiny bit for me” or “just one little potato…” and the killer “I don’t know how you do it, I won’t need to eat for a day/week/month…” I wanted to scream “WE FUCKING KNOW! YOU TELL US EVERY MEAL TIME AND HAVE DONE FOR OVER 20 YEARS. YOU’RE RUINING HOURS OF PREP AND COOKING, JUST SHUT IT”

So much praise for your daughter @RememberHowYouMadeMeCrazyand I wish I’d had the guts to say this. Why do they bother getting up to the table?!

TallShip · 15/12/2025 17:46

Elsvieta · 14/12/2025 16:35

It is though - that's just the fancy term for normal tea

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No, it’s not. We don’t have “normal” tea at home - DH doesn’t like it and it makes me 🤢

KilkennyCats · 15/12/2025 17:47

bert3400 · 15/12/2025 17:44

My in-laws who stayed for 5 weeks ( we live overseas) and didn't bring/buy a single thing for Christmas day or for the whole time they stayed...not one bottle of wine...no contributions at all . They are coming again this year and I'm going to struggle to keep my mouth shut

Excuse me, 5 weeks??
We live overseas (to our families) Nobody on either side ever stays more than a couple of days
Are they retired?

KilkennyCats · 15/12/2025 17:47

TallShip · 15/12/2025 17:46

No, it’s not. We don’t have “normal” tea at home - DH doesn’t like it and it makes me 🤢

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English breakfast isn’t the equivalent of builders tea!

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 17:48

bert3400 · 15/12/2025 17:44

My in-laws who stayed for 5 weeks ( we live overseas) and didn't bring/buy a single thing for Christmas day or for the whole time they stayed...not one bottle of wine...no contributions at all . They are coming again this year and I'm going to struggle to keep my mouth shut

Surely 5 weeks is too long? Can't you politely say 2 weeks is fine?

TSnewbie · 15/12/2025 17:49

My DM hasn't cooked a full meal in 40 years but continuously comments on me cooking healthy/from scratch and not in a nice way. The comments will start when she enters the house 'you aren't going to do something too elaborate are you' and continue throughout the day. It is as if I'm being shamed for trying to put something nice on when I 'could have just picked up a ready made meal from the supermarket'.
Also, when we were kids my grandparents would do this unspeakable dentures thing already mentioned higher up on the thread. My DM knows how disgusted we always were with that. Lo and behold, in the last 10 years DM herself shows up at every meal with a blue plastic toothpick that gets employed between all courses and not in a discrete manner. It is vile. She will also lick her cutlery instead of just putting it down on her plate once finished.
Before starting the meal, she will put on a big show of putting all her medication in order next to her plate. While my children were younger, I asked her not to do that as I was afraid the small pills would go missing. Inevitably, one would roll off the table and half the family is scrambling to find them back. I've tried to say something about this, in a gentle manner, but she cannot accept any criticism and finds that 'I've become such a cold/hard person'. No mum, I've just learned all the table manners that you've neglected to teach me over the years and I sure wouldn't want my kids to pick up.
My fairly narcissistic DH tends to use Christmas dinner to settle disputes with me as he knows I will try everything to avoid a big debate over dinner with guests. He will look triumphantly around the table as if me avoiding arguments means he is winning them. One year he had been riling me up all evening and then had the nerve to ask me to serve him first and cut his meat for him. I will never forgive him for that. Luckily, my kids are getting older and together with other guests will now actively attempt to make him behave.

LaLaBall · 15/12/2025 17:50

My in-laws who have no concept of Christmas at all so they really aren’t at fault. But they’ve no appreciation for why they should watch their granddaughter open her presents that they saw me preparing since October or why they need to sit down for dinner on time (for which we have very close family friends and their children joining). I live in north east China (my husbands home town) and my in-laws are of a generation where Christmas, even as a commercial idea, is alien. But i celebrate and give excitement to their holidays and festivals- why can’t they, just for the sake of their multicultural granddaughter?? But alas no, they ruin it and create a disjointed day because, ‘They don’t understand’. bullshit. The they just don’t want to make the effort and it makes me sad that i carry such the mental load of keeping my daughters maternal side of heritage alive with no effort from the in-laws when i am also the one who actively plans and crafts the Chinese new year festival. I’ve told them this year if they can’t actively participate then stay away.
Also to note, although i myself am catholic and it is a religious holiday for me, i refrain from forcing this on them and share it only as a holiday of thanks and appreciation for family. Still, they manage to ruin it with their nonchalance.

bert3400 · 15/12/2025 17:55

KilkennyCats · 15/12/2025 17:47

Excuse me, 5 weeks??
We live overseas (to our families) Nobody on either side ever stays more than a couple of days
Are they retired?

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Yes and only come at Christmas as it's too hot the rest of the year

ticklyfeet · 15/12/2025 17:57

Parry5timesbeforedeath · 15/12/2025 17:25

I like people chatting to me in the kitchen.

But my DM 'helps' by saying 'shall I get the plates out? Do you prefer these plates or these plates? Do want them all to match? Does DS1 want a full sized plate? Do you have any other plates? Do you prefer them to be laid out on the table now? Would you like me to heat them up in the oven? Well, the turkey has to rest so there is time probably to heat them up. Heated plates are much nicer aren't they? Do you have oven gloves so i can carry them? Are you sure you want these plates? They don't quite match and it is Christmas after all. Oh, those ones are Spode, do you have a full set? Are you sure you want to use these... your father tends to scrape and the glaze might come off....' and on it goes.

But she gets offended if I say 'Please just go and sit down. I have it under control'.

My stomach was in knots just reading that. There is no way that’s helping you, she’s just adding to the stress. 🤦‍♀️

bert3400 · 15/12/2025 17:59

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 17:48

Surely 5 weeks is too long? Can't you politely say 2 weeks is fine?

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It's actually not the amount of time, we have an annex that they use, it's the lack of contribution and the expectation that we will provide EVERYTHING...they are not poor infact they are rolling in it ...but I guess I know why 🙄😂

KilkennyCats · 15/12/2025 18:00

LaLaBall · 15/12/2025 17:50

My in-laws who have no concept of Christmas at all so they really aren’t at fault. But they’ve no appreciation for why they should watch their granddaughter open her presents that they saw me preparing since October or why they need to sit down for dinner on time (for which we have very close family friends and their children joining). I live in north east China (my husbands home town) and my in-laws are of a generation where Christmas, even as a commercial idea, is alien. But i celebrate and give excitement to their holidays and festivals- why can’t they, just for the sake of their multicultural granddaughter?? But alas no, they ruin it and create a disjointed day because, ‘They don’t understand’. bullshit. The they just don’t want to make the effort and it makes me sad that i carry such the mental load of keeping my daughters maternal side of heritage alive with no effort from the in-laws when i am also the one who actively plans and crafts the Chinese new year festival. I’ve told them this year if they can’t actively participate then stay away.
Also to note, although i myself am catholic and it is a religious holiday for me, i refrain from forcing this on them and share it only as a holiday of thanks and appreciation for family. Still, they manage to ruin it with their nonchalance.

Do you live with them? If not, why not just let them come in time for the actual meal, and let your daughter enjoy her Santa experience in the morning?

Mum23plusC · 15/12/2025 18:06

menopausalmare · 14/12/2025 14:02

It is very difficult to eat whilst MIL and FIL have a snotty dew drop hanging from their nose. Even when you offer them a tissue, they'll pocket it 😯

Oh god I shouldn't laugh, but that's enough to put you off your sprouts!! LOL

Ilovecheeseyah · 15/12/2025 18:07

The lady who was a house guest and shat in the bidet.