Page 24 | Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

jewishorthomum · 2023-04-26T13:02:22+00:00

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life? Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment. (When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:19

MangosteenSoda · 26/04/2023 18:44

If you holiday, where do you go?

What sort of activities do your DC do and do they/would they join in any clubs outside the community?

What kind of education did you have?

Do you work?

Are you satisfied with the opportunities and scope of experiences your lifestyle affords?

I've just booked a weeks holiday in Wales for my family for August. I've been away with my husband to Venice, Barcelona, Israel, America, Prague. Jews holiday too😉However we have a lot more preparations to do before going away. We have to sort out kosher food. Either find out if there are kosher restaurants or shops nearby. Or we bring along a suitcase of food. Also my husband won't come on a poolside or beach holiday with me because of the exposure to other immodest women so if I wanted to go to Spain or canary islands I'd go with my girlfriends or sisters.
My kids are still young, but we have local swimming classes (gender separate), local football games for boys, dance clubs for girls, My brother went to a woodwork club when he was younger. But mostly they are within the community.

I do work. I'm a tutor at a Jewish college (Level 3). I don't want to out myself and say which subject. I also have a side home business set up with my husband.

Yes I am generally satisfied with my lifestyles and the opportunities it has given me so far. Judaism has a very selfless view on life. I am not in this world for the purpose of my own enjoyment and personal experiences. I'm here in order to better myself and give to the people and world around me.
Either way, I'm trying to think of what experiences my lifestyle may have deprived me of. I can't come up with anything. Do you have anything specific in mind?

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:28

Parkingt111 · 27/04/2023 01:07

Are orthodox Jews allowed to have botox or any other sort of invasive surgery just for cosmetic purposes?

Also what are the rulings in regards to having an abortion?

We have a commandment to look after ourselves. Judaism doesn't allow you to put yourself in unnecessary danger. Botox is definitely allowed as there is no significant danger involved (As far as I'm aware). A surgery which could have a significant risk to life would be more complicated as Judaism values life above all else. But I do know someone who has had her stomach stapled. Her mental health was at risk and therefore she could have surgery no problem. If one wanted surgery for beauty purposes they would probably go discuss it with their Rabbi.
Abortion is more complex. Once a fetus is formed we hold it as a life, and should be treated as such. Unless the mothers life is at risk, in which case the mothers life overrides the fetus. Again it is a complex subject and a Rabbi would be consulted in each case.

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Parkingt111 · 27/04/2023 01:32

@jewishorthomum we also have very similar beliefs and concepts in regards to cosmetic surgery and abortion too
So that is interesting to know
In Islam a mother's life also overrides a fetus

Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:36

Parkingt111 · 27/04/2023 01:01

What are orthodox Jewish views on the final messiah? Who is he and when will he come? What will be his purpose of being sent to this world?

There are varying views and I'm no expert in this area. The final messiah will come one day when there has been enough good deeds done within the world. His purpose will be to bring the world into a better state with no more suffering, hardships and clarity.
I understand Christianity focuses on the Messiah a lot. Judaism doesn't really (other than the Chabad sector) Messiah isn't the motivation for good deeds, rather our relationship with God is.

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Parkingt111 · 27/04/2023 01:38

Do orthodox Jews have a fixed amount of wealth they must donate to charity (how Muslims have to give 2.5% in zakat) or is it up to each individual

Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:38

OldFan · 27/04/2023 01:02

@jewishorthomum This is a shallow question but I've had that Jewish women wear wigs as a head covering. I was wondering where you all get such convincing wigs, as it's not obvious that they're wigs?

I find it quite hard to find decent ones. Is there a way to do so on a budget?

We have Jewish wig sellers who deal with and sell wigs. The good really natural wigs cost an absolute fortune. 1k+. My friend just bought one for £3K. They are ridiculously expensive. On a budget you can order from China aliexpress I think.

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:39

Parkingt111 · 27/04/2023 01:38

Do orthodox Jews have a fixed amount of wealth they must donate to charity (how Muslims have to give 2.5% in zakat) or is it up to each individual

10% off profit. And its called Maaser/Tzedaka. Similar to Zakut

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:46

Asvan · 27/04/2023 01:01

Thank you for such a fascinating thread. I am Muslim and from your responses there are a lot of similarities there seems to be a lot of similarities between the 2 religions. I have the following questions:

Are men and women segregated at the synagogue? Is any free mixing allowed?

What profession are you and your husband in and are your employees understanding of your faith?

Do your children have separate classes to learn about Judaism or do they learn everything they need to know at school?

If your children married outside of the faith how would you feel? Would their partners be expected to convert?

Yes men and women are separate in Synanagogue. Some will have a mixed lobby, most orthodox synagogues (shuls) will have separate entrances for men and ladies.
We both work within the community. I am a tutor in higher education, a Jewish college, and my husband and myself opened a home business servicing mostly members of the community and some non jews too but they aren't aware that we are Jewish. 3)The day is split into half. Half day is Jewish studies and half regular. Yes they learn everything in school.
I would be very (very) disappointed if my child dropped Judaism. Keeping the Jewish faith means a very lot to me as it does to anyone who practices it. Its a lifestyle, part of our identity and heritage. I believe its the right way for a Jew to live. How religiously committed is up to each individual but to drop it altogether I'd see it as a tragedy.

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 01:50

Betaalpha · 26/04/2023 18:34

To be fair op, waiting for ambulances being alone when old etc are UK problems (and some other countries) . There are many communities in the world, who aren't Jewish, but tight knit, helpful, with shared values. I'm from the Mediterranean and walk into villages you'll find the atmosphere you describe. It's a fascinating question. Does one have to be a religion and a tribe to have a tight knit community with thousands of shared rules? personally don't think so, it's cultural.

You're right that there are plenty of tight knit communities who truly care and look out for each other. Community in general is a very beautiful thing. Jews are a little different because we are not defined by location or proximity. When I meet someone noticeably Jewish, I feel a kinship with them regardless of where they live and their nationality.

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 02:04

Sotired1234567 · 26/04/2023 22:33

This may have been asked already but my mothers mother was Jewish. One of my children is interested in her Jewish ancestry- would she still be considered Jewish, would she have to convert if she was interested in joining a synagogue? Or would they accept her? How long is the maternal lineage considered? I am female too. Thank you!

Yes if you can trace her Jewish maternal lineage she would be considered Jewish. If she would like to join a synagogue your best bet would be to google the closest Chabad synagogue. Chabad are great at helping welcome those who are unaffiliated with Jewish lifestyle.

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Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 02:25

AngryBirdsNoMore · 26/04/2023 23:43

This is a wonderful thread!

May I ask a question that is not intended to be offensive at all, but I am curious: would it be foolish of a non Jewish family to go and live in Golders Green? Would you be welcomed by neighbours or seen as an outsider, so you think?

Another question: is the ritual bathing only for ultra orthodox?

Not offensive question at all. Honestly yes you would be seen as an outsider if you chose to live in a predominantly orthodox community although you would be (should be) treated very respectfully. Also house prices within Jewish areas are often inflated due to demand. But there are advantage of living among a heavily Jewish community, statistically there is less drug use and the area is generally safe from violence.

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TerribleInsomniac · 27/04/2023 02:28

What a really fascinating post.
It’s so interesting to be able to read these answers. I worked with a Jewish lady many years ago and we became good friends but I never felt I could quiz her on her religion. So this has been enlightening…Thankyou.

I have one query.
Regarding the no contact with your husband during and for 7 days after your period. That timing coincides with a point in the cycle when women are more likely to get pregnant. Do you think this is relevant.

Original poster

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 02:31

@TerribleInsomniac Yes the timing is intended to coincide with women's ovulation. Peak sexual libido, ovulation and "mikva night" are all meant to align encouraging procreation.

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socialmedia23 · 27/04/2023 02:35

jewishorthomum · 27/04/2023 02:25

Not offensive question at all. Honestly yes you would be seen as an outsider if you chose to live in a predominantly orthodox community although you would be (should be) treated very respectfully. Also house prices within Jewish areas are often inflated due to demand. But there are advantage of living among a heavily Jewish community, statistically there is less drug use and the area is generally safe from violence.

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Also this might be a generalisation but in most Jewish areas favoured by orthodox Jews, the non Jewish state schools are usually not very good..this is why I could not buy my flat in my MIL's area as I am not orthodox and would want to send my DC to a reform Jewish school or even just a regular non Christian school. I think this is why there is an unusually high percentage of privately educated children (regular private school) in my reform synagogue. It's not only because the parents can afford it, it's also because reform Jews often live in Jewish areas as well but don't want to send their kids to religious Jewish schools which are mainly orthodox (except places like Jcoss or akiva). But they also value education and don't want to send them to a mediocre school either. They can't pretend to be Christian either which is what a lot of middle class parents do if they don't live in a good catchment area. So they educate privately. For myself, I wanted to be within a catchment area and I must say, my area is not very 'Jewish' compared to the surrounding areas even though it is within the eruv.

sashh · 27/04/2023 02:45

Which is your favorite festival / holiday and why?

I always think Purim looks fun.

dittbtdity · 27/04/2023 04:24

highfidelity · 26/04/2023 23:35

If the child's biological mother is not Jewish, the child will not be Jewish.

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But babies and young children can be converted by a rabbi if the adopting parents are Jewish.

I think over the age of 13 (bar mitzvah) the person would have to go through conversion themselves, and it's a fairly long involved process.

dittbtdity · 27/04/2023 04:42

EconomyClassRockstar · 27/04/2023 01:06

Again, I would ask if you know anyone in Monsey. And also, are you aware that the Orthodox Jewish community is killing off some of the highest rated NY/NJ school districts by claiming their home is a religious house and thus cleared of taxes? Leaving public school parents suddenly left with a bill of $25 to 35k plus a year.

Why is this the OPs problem? Or of interest to anyone outside monsey?

Silene · 27/04/2023 05:17

What a fascinating thread. Thank you. I find the lighting of the candles at sundown by the mother, givingthe blessing, at the start of the Sabbath, beautiful.

Dodgeitornot · 27/04/2023 05:36

JeweyJew · 27/04/2023 00:41

Well of course. We were there first and Islam is based on our religion. So is Christianity but they conveniently had a single person who 'perfectly kept the laws', thus absolving everyone else.

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This is so interesting. Do you not believe in a Messiah though? I thought you did. You just believe he hasn't come yet.

Doingmybest12 · 27/04/2023 06:03

You mentioned going to Wales on holiday. Was it Llandudno. We went recently and found many orthodox Jewish families there . Is there a reason Llandudno is so popular among the community ?

MonumentalLentil · 27/04/2023 06:04

AngryBirdsNoMore · 26/04/2023 23:43

This is a wonderful thread!

May I ask a question that is not intended to be offensive at all, but I am curious: would it be foolish of a non Jewish family to go and live in Golders Green? Would you be welcomed by neighbours or seen as an outsider, so you think?

Another question: is the ritual bathing only for ultra orthodox?

I lived in Golders Green for many years. Not everyone is Jewish although when I bought one house the elderly lady next door came out to say hello and immediately asked if I was a Jewess. The other side, 2 men, a couple.

I also had an Orthodox family with many children as neighbours, and an older couple, the husband had the tattoo from the camps, as did many others. I never felt any different to them at the time but maybe because I was open to the way of life. I had moved there to be part of it.

Someone I knew from work lived in one of the big houses, his father had many properties which he had passed on to him. A lot of the property owners in London are Jewish landlords. In addition to this, Jewish people will live close to the synagogue, there are some large (expensive) flats in Central London, within walking distance of places of worship.

The young men who would call to collect money for Yeshiva would always look away when I opened the door. I had a mezuzah on the door post.

It isn't often that you see a non Jewish family move in there, unlike Mill Hill and Hendon which are a bit more diverse. I loved Golders Green. There have always been students and young people living and working there from all over, and plenty of Jews from Israel and other countries, some that I had originally met in Israel.

AtChoService · 27/04/2023 06:45

JeweyJew · 27/04/2023 00:25

It's a terrible tragedy that the holiest site for Jews, the place where our Temple stood for over 800 years, was later colonised by a foreign religion that erected their own house of worship there.

It's a travesty when people badmouth Jews for going up to pray on the Temple Mount or even when the Israeli police needs to enter the mosque. They portray it as a lack of respect to the Islamic religion. Yet ignore the irony of an Islamic mosque on the holiest Jewish site being as sacrilegious as can be.

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How do Jews feel about Muslims because of this? If a few moved in to your street for example, would you interact with them and welcome them into your community or would they be shunned?

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/04/2023 06:53

Thank you for a very interesting thread!

If your child lost their faith, would you disown them/stop speaking to them/stop seeing them? I find this the hardest thing to understand about closed communities like Amish, Orthodox etc.

GretaGood · 27/04/2023 06:56

Ortiguilla · 26/04/2023 18:48

@Guarentinaflo This does sound like a much better way of dealing with death than in other religions and very comforting for the bereaved family.

Yes, my heart aches for my non-Jewish friends and in-laws when I see them struggling with all the admin and decisions around funerals, as well as the long waiting times between death and the funeral, which is like a weird limbo. in a Jewish family, when someone dies, everything stops immediately. If you live further away you need to drop everything and travel immediately. When my husband's grandmother died, he had to carry on working for a week or two before he could go to be with his family for the funeral etc. It felt inhumane. No one is in a fit state to deal with that stuff when they've just lost someone.

I am non-practising myself (we do Shabbat at home, I go to shul on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and celebrate Pesach (Passover)) but I think I will re-join a shul just so that I know everything will be sorted when I die.

Synagogue membership costs money but it includes burial society fees so there are no additional costs when you die. It has all been paid for in advance.

I agree the way of dealing with death is better but are all Jewish people considerate and kind? Imagine you have a cruel parent or relative which seriously affected your life but you are supposed to sit and pray for them and, I presume, chat to other relatives and family for a week after their death. Can you cop out of it?

AtChoService · 27/04/2023 07:01

What are your festivals and holidays through the year and which is your favourite?

I saw street parties, or where everyone came out to the street and danced, that looked fun. Do you know what I mean and if so, what was it and why?