Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

Also what do orthodox Jews believe about masjid ul aqsa? Do they really believe it belongs to the Jews as opposed to Muslims?

What does Judaism believe happens following death?

I've got 5 mins, so will just answer a few that I can answer quickly:

@SleepingStandingUp no, completely the opposite - we believe you don't need to be Jewish to have a share in heaven. We believe that if non-Jews follow the 7 Noahide laws, and are generally good people, they will get a share in heaven. For example, Yad Vashem (holocaust museum) has a memorial project dedicated to honouring the Righteous Among the Nations - we certainly believe those people will have a share in heaven. One of the reasons we don't proselytise is because you can earn heaven without becoming Jewish, so why would we encourage non Jews to take on the huge task of all the laws etc?

@worktired i didn't watch strictly kosher, too cringy for me. i know people in it though and DH watched it.
On Shabbos - various things, read a lot, socialise a lot, now I am not in the UK, we go to the park nearly every week, where they do a Shabbat party for the kids, DH conks out on the couch part of the afternoon, then he takes them so I can have time out. The kids get together with their friends as well. Long meals where we sing together, my family really enjoy singing and sometimes on a friday night if we eat with my family, the whole family will have sing for hours. My kids like to play games, like Catan, frustration, uno, monopoly, exploding kittens. I play with them on friday night before the meal but leave them to it in the day.

I'm not bothered by lack of knowledge about the community, I wouldn't expect anyone to know much about our way of life; we are insular, how would people be expected to know things about us? I am bothered when ignorance feeds into anti-semitic stereotypes, e.g. you're Jewish, you must be rich (erm, point out my secret bank account please, I could do with this mythical money).

@fink yes, we have the same prayers. Jewish woman can and do pray daily. It is just the degree to which they are obligated to pray that is different, (there are different opinions on the degree of obligation). Many women enjoy going to shul (synagogue) .

Very interesting subject op. I must apologise because I haven't read all 21 pages. However I have a food related question. My father was Jewisph, he arrived in the UK aged 10 in 1939 and I shall say no more. He wasn't orthodox and didn't practice but my childhood was peppered with Jewish references and he had Jewish friends he kept up with and he always insisted on having a mazzuzah on the door (I may have misspelled it).

What I remember are some of the Jewish dishes he made: latkas, salt beef, having matzo in the house, bagels and smoked salmon in the 60s. He used to make chicken lokshen and as far as I remember it was a boiling chicken, boiled and skimmed, onion, carrot and vermicelli. It was delicious but I have been completely unable to recreate the flavour. He died in 2000 and I can't ask him. I wonder if people being so helpful about many things on the thread could advise please. I have no idea where I'd get a kosher chicken in Surrey.

Thank you for an interesting thread. Definitely learned something!
I was wondering whether there was a prevalent opinion within Judaism as to why there has been so much systematic anti Semitism through the ages. I was raised a Catholic, and could never understand why Christians would be anti Semitic as almost all the early leading figures in our faith were, and would have considered themselves, Jewish. But then I guess our childhood parish priest consistently referring to Jewish people as "God's chosen people" may have been a positive influence.

Some answers, in no particular order:

We keep the laws because that's what Hashem commanded. Whether we understand or not. The overarching theme in Judaism is subservience. We serve Hashem as a slave serves their master, whether we 'feel it' or not, and whether it makes sense to us or not.

That said, our sages did give reasons for many laws. These reasons serve mainly to help us connect to the laws/commandments and keep them, rather than knowing the actual reason Hashem so commanded. It's beyond the capability of a mortal mind to know the 'thought process' if you will of G-d.

A reason given for niddah is to constantly refresh the marriage with the same love as a newlywed. After not being able to touch at all for almost 2 weeks, the sexual tension is extremely high, and each spouse longs for the other.

The very strict niddah separation laws are only for spouses. So a husband and wife won't sit next to each other on a bus while niddah, but he would sit next to his sister say, even if she's a niddah (not that he'd know).

Covering hair is part of the overall commandment of modesty for a woman to cover her parts that should be clothed, and that show off her beauty. This is anything above the elbow, below the collarbone, and above the ankle. The thigh (above the knee) must not only be covered, but also not defined, hence why trousers are prohibited.

Married or once married women must also cover their hair. Using someone else's hair as a cover (ie wig) is something of a workaround, and is indeed frowned upon by some of the more religious communities. Especially if it's indistinguishable from the real thing.

Many women only wear shorter wigs, and with hats or bands.

In Judaism we believe Hashem put us here for a reason. There are clearly defined gender roles, some codified in the law while others are more cultural. But the basic idea is that we're here for a reason, so our lives should be set out to achieve our purpose, rather than pursue individual wants and whims.

That isn't to say that people can't have their own pursuits, but overall there's a sense of duty.

Men are commanded to study Torah. Some do it as a full time thing, and in those families it'll often be the woman only who works (in addition to bursaries given by the study institution, which they raise from charity).

Other men just set aside a fixed portion of the day to study. Anything from minutes to hours. And the rest of the time they work at jobs. This is actually the majority of men (outside of Israel).

Shabbos is complex with many laws and restrictions. However, by and large, it's far more pleasurable than restrictive.

We have long family meals Friday night and Shabbos lunch, where we interact with one another without distractions. Imagine two dinner parties a week but with your own family, no phones, no TV, no running errands or work. Just chilling together, talking about your week, sharing Torah thoughts, laughing and singing together.

Men have to pray 3 times a day in the synagogue. Or rather in a quorum (minyan) of 10 adults. It's morning, afternoon and night, but the exact timings can be flexible.

Mothers will usually do at least the morning prayers, depending on how busy they are. Unmarried girls/women would often do the afternoon prayers too. These don't have to be done in synagogue.

Before and after eating or drinking we say a blessing. Also after using the toilet. We can also pray at anytime in our own words, and this is encouraged. Hashem is with us at all times.

I use an Duchy Organic chicken from Waitrose. It tastes exactly the same as my mother's which did use a kosher chicken.

The missing ingredient is a Telma chicken stock cube - this will make it taste as it should.

How long are you cooking the soup for?

Heaven forbid is this were to happen to one of my kids I would cut all contact with them. That is a betrayal of the worst kind.

Lastly I'm not sure if I understood correctly but if you are only considered Jewish if your mum is a born jew then does that mean you can't convert into Judaism?

I can't sleep, too busy thinking about the thread. I'll answer a few more if they haven't yet been replied to.

It's a terrible tragedy that the holiest site for Jews, the place where our Temple stood for over 800 years, was later colonised by a foreign religion that erected their own house of worship there.

It's a travesty when people badmouth Jews for going up to pray on the Temple Mount or even when the Israeli police needs to enter the mosque. They portray it as a lack of respect to the Islamic religion. Yet ignore the irony of an Islamic mosque on the holiest Jewish site being as sacrilegious as can be.

Hands down the best thread I’ve seen on here. I’ve read every single post on the 22 pages so far! Thank you so much OP for starting and to other PPs answering. Albeit late in the day, I’m staying awake a little longer to educate myself further.

You can be Jewish either by birth or conversion, and you can't opt out.

If your mother is Jewish, you're automatically Jewish until your last breath. If you weren't born Jewish you can convert to Judaism.

Conversion is only valid if accepted by a Jewish court of law, who in turn will only accept converts once they're satisfied of the person's sincerity. Since conversion is a bell you can't unring, it's better to make the process harder and longer, rather than have renegade Jews.

The actual process involves circumcision (for men), accepting all the Jewish beliefs and laws, and immersion in a mikvah. Once a person has gone through all the steps, they are bona fide Jews.

No, you can convert although some might not consider you a Jew. A ritual bath completes a conversion ceremony so one can be reborn a Jew.

But, for some this isn't enough. I've come across some snobbery about blood lines, and I know a few women who really struggled to find Jewish husbands because their mother had converted.

I have always lived in north London and I have never had an orthodox Jewish man even look at me or acknowledge me. Nor make eye contact. I’ve had one man step out of a lift as I stepped in 😔 I dress well, entirely covered usually, long skirts and tights. No heels or anything. Although I make my own scarves so do wear bright ones. I now live near a Jewish cemetery and I spoke to a man once as I was walking past to say excuse me please as I couldn’t get through and he looked completely through me.

Might I be considered immodest? Or is this usual for non Jewish women?

@Dodgeitornot I think the way you were treated as an outsider because you were non-jewish is largely a result of a trauma response. Due to the risk of antisemitism and the negative way the media tends to portray us, many Jews are slightly anxious around strange non-jews. In insular orthodox communities we are brought up with in inbuilt wariness of those who aren't Jewish. I think that comes across to the kids as "Don't play with non-jews they may hurt you".

@JeweyJew I seemed to have touched a nerve in regards to masjid ul aqsa
Although that may be your beliefs about it as Muslims we also strongly believe that masjid ul aqsa belongs to the Muslims as it rightfully is right now
It is our first qiblah and the third holiest mosque in Islam
It is a travesty that israeli police so often persecute and trouble the Muslims praying there especially in the holy month of ramadhan

someone asked about SEN, yes considerations/adaptions can be/ are made for people with SEN as needed.

@highfidelity thank you. I'll try a telma stock cube. I usually use a knorr chicken cube or Marigold bouillon powder. Usually I bring to the boil, skim, then add the onion, carrot, half a dozen black peppercorns. I remember having the soup one day and perhaps the next having the chicken served with vegetables and roast potatoes with some of the lokshen as a gravy.

Do you socialise with non-Jewish people? I used to live next to large Orthodox Jewish community and wanted to be friendly and get to know them, but they seemed to keep it to themselves. On the playground they would call their children when they started interacting with mine. Wondering what was the reason behind it.

You are considered Jewish if your mum is Jewish, even if your dad is not jewish. You can convert, however we don't encourage it and it's a long process.

Just saying that not all Jews agree with the way Israeli police treat the Muslims who pray at Al aqsa. It is quite political.

There's a concept of guarding one's eyes, which (I think) is unique to Judaism. Men should not look at unrelated women at all. It's prohibited in its own right, not just as a precaution of taking it to the next level.

Strictly speaking it only applies when one looks purposefully (especially if he derives pleasure), but occasional eye contact while having necessary conversations is permitted. However many religious Jews go the extra mile and try to avoid any looking or seeing women. Even if they're modestly dressed.

I know its uncomfortable but Its not personal at all. These men have taken upon themselves not to look at other women. They won't interact with any female other than family and their wives. They are most likely of the Chassidic sector who take gender separation very seriously.

My DH still does it even though he is not religious anymore. He doesn't look at any unrelated women particularly if they are showing boobs, shoulders, legs etc. HHeis adamant that all men do it (not just Jewish men). I now know where it comes from lol