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Original poster

How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?

330 replies

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 18:52

My lovely sister got this little darling thing for my teenage son for Christmas. He loves it, as do I. However having gone way past 12th night we would now like to update his wardrobe/allow him to go 'au natural'.

Also he looks quite menacing and the other plants are a bit scared.

I've tried gently pulling the hat, no joy. I've tried tweezers on the grumpy eyes, I ended up with my other hand covered in prickles.

It is not glued on or secured by any other method I can see. Does anyone have any intimate knowledge on how to disrobe a festive novelty cactus?

Thanking you in advance.

How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?
OP posts:
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23
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:33

tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 19:55

About 6 years ago adult DD rather foolishly bought a Christmas cactus on a garden centre visit. Said cactus had googly eyes and a glittery red pom-pom nose stuck (extremely) firmly to it.

I've just been to look at him, languishing as he does on my kitchen windowsill. He still has his artificial appendages. Now, the thing is... when cacti grow, they grow from the top upwards, so he is now quite tall, but his eyes and nose remained near the bottom, where they now resemble... er... another sort of appendage, let's put it that way.

How did I miss this?

And secondly yes of course we need photos!

OP posts:
AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 20:33

I'm also mildly concerned about the Similar Threads suggestions

"Cactus: battle scarred or diseased"
"How did you get rid of your child's dummy?"
"Impossible gift from FC - a parasaurolophus costume"
"Where to find a Santa hat?"

hexsnidgett · 14/04/2023 20:36

Pootle Grin

How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:36

potatowhale · 14/04/2023 20:25

I love this thread.

I have a cactus that had a fake flower stuck on it. After 2 years the fake flower fell off and left a nasty gluey blob. Anyway, it fell off after my stepdaughter gave the cactus a bath. I think you need to soak it.

Cactus bath. Noted!

You'll all have to speak up for a bit. I'm cooking mince.

OP posts:
tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 20:39

You know what we've all forgotten, don't you?

There are people out there whose job it is to put this stuff ON the cacti. We are ridiculing their sterling efforts.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:42

DannyZukosSmile · 14/04/2023 20:28

Go and buy some tweezers. They're a quid!

Show quote history

IT'S TWENTY TO FUCKING NINE ON A FRIDAY. I LIVE IN THE ARSE END OF NOWHERE. HOW MANY TWEEZER EMPORIUMS DO YOU THINK DO DELIVEROO IN THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES?!?

😂

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 14/04/2023 20:43

tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 20:39

You know what we've all forgotten, don't you?

There are people out there whose job it is to put this stuff ON the cacti. We are ridiculing their sterling efforts.

And it is for these people we are grateful your occupation is no longer mentioned on your passport.

Stopped trying to enter Mexico because your occupation is Cactus Santa Dresser.

TableFor5 · 14/04/2023 20:46

iwasthewalrus · 14/04/2023 19:20

Try sex lube and a fish slice?

Not the kind of advice you'd find in Good Housekeeping or the WI

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:46

AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 20:33

I'm also mildly concerned about the Similar Threads suggestions

"Cactus: battle scarred or diseased"
"How did you get rid of your child's dummy?"
"Impossible gift from FC - a parasaurolophus costume"
"Where to find a Santa hat?"

You missed out:

Agnus cactus?

In the conception board 😮

OP posts:
lazytownie · 14/04/2023 20:52

do you have gardening gloves or normal gloves that you can get some rubber gloves on top of?

Thick gloves - grab it full fistedly and pull it off.

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:57

Rutaceae · 14/04/2023 20:28

How about cutting up the outfit a bit and then placing the cactus in a vessel and then creating a vacuum so the shredded santa clothes get sucked off. That would save your fingers from the prickles.
The obvious vacuum creating choice is, well, to use a vacuum, but you could go old school and put the cactus in a bell jar with a flame.

Ooooooh. OOOOOH!

I do not have a bell jar. I now want a bell jar and it's carboot day tomorrow so anything could happen...

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:59

hexsnidgett · 14/04/2023 20:36

Pootle Grin

😍

Love a bit of Pootle I do.

I have a terrible Flumps-related story but might save that until we've disrobed the Santa...

Yeah I said that.

OP posts:
TableFor5 · 14/04/2023 21:01

Rutaceae · 14/04/2023 20:28

How about cutting up the outfit a bit and then placing the cactus in a vessel and then creating a vacuum so the shredded santa clothes get sucked off. That would save your fingers from the prickles.
The obvious vacuum creating choice is, well, to use a vacuum, but you could go old school and put the cactus in a bell jar with a flame.

You can't suck off Santa, he'll think it's, well, Christmas!

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:02

Billybagpuss · 14/04/2023 20:43

And it is for these people we are grateful your occupation is no longer mentioned on your passport.

Stopped trying to enter Mexico because your occupation is Cactus Santa Dresser.

Show quote history

Facts. They'd have had your all-singing all-dancing Swiss Army knife off you before you could even utter that you were an emergency farrier/cactus festiviser.

OP posts:
AngryGreasedSantaCactus · 14/04/2023 21:02

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 20:57

Ooooooh. OOOOOH!

I do not have a bell jar. I now want a bell jar and it's carboot day tomorrow so anything could happen...

Show quote history

If you have a shopping list that says

Bell jar
Tweezers
Naice Ham
Massive salad

will you be leaving it in Aldi or Waitrose?

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:04

That username has made me honk laugh!

It doesn't have the magical chicken on it though....

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:10

Our arsenal to date:

  1. One (1) rubber glove
  2. Non-brand Wd40
  3. Fire blanket
  4. NEWSPAPER!
  5. Cactus armed with Swiss Army knife toothpick (how is a toothpick more useful than tweezers?!?)
  6. Unfinished hat.
How do I remove sinister Santa outfit from a cactus?
OP posts:
CloakOfNope · 14/04/2023 21:16

Do you have some coat hangers? Maybe you could prise/lever it off with the hooky bits

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:18

I will take this under consideration. He seems mighty small to use a coathanger as leverage mind.

OP posts:
WitcheryDivine · 14/04/2023 21:18

I dread to think what his expression is like now with that little lot around him

PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/04/2023 21:22

What a cute little prick he is

Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:25

Pixiedust1234 · 14/04/2023 20:03

I'm going to peruse all these suggestions with my delicious wine and then probably make a very ill-informed decision.

Drink your wine, read your thread but do not, I repeat do not, touch the grumpy thing until tomorrow. That way you can go out and buy items that are more helpful than goatboy and baby oil.

LIKE A BELL JAR AND FLAMETHROWER???

Sold.

OP posts:
Original poster
YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:26

WitcheryDivine · 14/04/2023 21:18

I dread to think what his expression is like now with that little lot around him

Fear not. He has a Swiss Army toothpick to defend himself.

OP posts:
potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:31

tailinthejam · 14/04/2023 20:39

You know what we've all forgotten, don't you?

There are people out there whose job it is to put this stuff ON the cacti. We are ridiculing their sterling efforts.

Absolutely not! If anything they have done such a great job it is so hard to remove.

potatowhale · 14/04/2023 21:33

YesitsBess · 14/04/2023 21:25

LIKE A BELL JAR AND FLAMETHROWER???

Sold.

Show quote history

I'm glad you have a fire blanket tbh