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Original poster

Words/sayings that had a profound effect on you.

182 replies

bubbleblower85 · 21/12/2021 19:29

What words or saying really effected you/changed your mentality/ helped you etc

Maya Angelou's words "when some one shows you who they are believe them" helped my leave an abusive situation. I realized the abuser was exactly that and they won't change so there was no point in trying to 'understand'/'excuse' their behaviour.

I keep this in mind now when in all my relationships. It's actually helping me to undo some cognitive dissonance over some siblings that are the lovely golden child and being told from.childhood that they're sweet, lovely etc but now I realise actually just how awful they were/are to me.

Along similar vein is "how they treat you is how they feel about you". This really helped me open my eyes to one particular sibling and their nastiness towards me.

Another saying I am trying to implement in my life retrospectively in some cases, is "be careful of what you tolerate; by what you tolerate you teach others how they can treat you".
Trying to step back from my 'pick me' 'begging for some kindness' behaviour, making clear to people that I am not happy with their behaviour.

OP posts:
HeckinMiffed · 21/12/2021 22:55

'You cannot control other peoples actions, you can only change how you react to them.'

'Eagles may fly high but weasels dont get sucked into engines'

A pp mentioned a poem by Mary Oliver-I love the end of her poem 'In blackwater woods'......

'Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go'

All these quotes have gradually helped me to find the strength to stand up to my narc sister and finally live my life.

Maskless · 21/12/2021 22:56

Another one is:

Don't do the "pick me" dance.

I read that on Mumsnet and it made me stop and think and remember times when I'd done it.

NMC2022 · 21/12/2021 22:56

Courage is just fear holding on a minute longer

For when I was really struggling with nerves and riding. I would stay on a minute longer when I wanted to get off. It worked

Chr1stmasCarole · 21/12/2021 22:56

Massive Les Miserables fan here so...

" even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise"

And

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

madisonbridges · 21/12/2021 22:56

There was a similar thread earlier this year. I was getting so angry with the govt, the scientists, everybody really. And probably being even more wound by MN posters. And then I read a saying from @Stichintime
Begin by believing that people are acting with good intentions.

It changed my whole mindset, not just about the pandemic but life in general. I know I make mistakes, do things wrong that upset people, but it's never my intention. I always want and mean to do the right thing. So why would I think that others would do less. It just seemed to let the anger seep out of me snd I'm so much calmer and sanguine. I don't know if Stich is still around, but if they are, I'd like to thank them, and their boss, because that saying has been transformative.

Original poster
bubbleblower85 · 21/12/2021 22:57

@HeckinMiffed

'You cannot control other peoples actions, you can only change how you react to them.'

'Eagles may fly high but weasels dont get sucked into engines'

A pp mentioned a poem by Mary Oliver-I love the end of her poem 'In blackwater woods'......

'Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go'

All these quotes have gradually helped me to find the strength to stand up to my narc sister and finally live my life.

That's beautiful. Well done for standing up for yourself, I am in the process of this with some people in my life. It's hard, stay strong Flowers
OP posts:
evilharpy · 21/12/2021 22:59

"It's a start. I believe in starts. Once you have the start, the rest is inevitable." - Joey "The Lips" Fegan

Original poster
bubbleblower85 · 21/12/2021 23:01

@evilharpy

"It's a start. I believe in starts. Once you have the start, the rest is inevitable." - Joey "The Lips" Fegan
🙈🙈🙈🙈 trouble with me is I have a hard time finishing things I started and starting thing I would like to finish ☺️
OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 21/12/2021 23:09

My dearest grandmas quote.

"To be a good parent you must know your children for who they are, not for what you wish them to be"

Few others

"In the end all everyone wants is more time."

"There is a difference between listening and actually listening"

"I was once given a box full of darkness, it took me a long time to realise this was actually a gift"

"It doesn't matter if the whole world loves you, if you don't like yourself"

"Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most"

"Fake people have a tendency to get really uneasy around honest people"

"When making judgements on others, make sure your not seeing your own reflection staring back at you"

"From this old heart, of flesh and bones, you took the chance to make to make one of your own" for my son who we lost.

"don't just let any old-body break your heart in a second, it took your mother at least 9months to create it"

"Death and stupidity are only painful for the people around it"

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2021 23:12

@GiveOverIrene

We teach others how to treat us. Also, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I love this! Thanks

Bortles · 21/12/2021 23:14

Do no harm, take no shit.

Never mix friendship and money.

He's just not that into you.

singlemum81 · 21/12/2021 23:15

"Be that person you needed when you were younger"

GetOffTheTableMabel · 21/12/2021 23:17

I like “the best revenge is living well”. I never bother to waste energy thinking about how to get my own back. What could be more annoying to those who would do you down, than you just being happy?

On my wedding day, a lovely family friend said “the best thing about being marred is that you now have forever together. Don’t find you have to rush headlong at trying to achieve some idea of married life. You have forever so take things steady”.

Gingernaut · 21/12/2021 23:19

Watch how they talk about past friends, lovers and spouses.

Chances are, that will be you one day.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 21/12/2021 23:22

Such a great thread. Thanks OP.

Thanks to a PP for reminding me about the dark playground. Brilliant!

What is the pick me dance?

Mine is something I heard on a feminist coaching podcast recently about well-being at work. It was something like “the work is always going to be hard but regardless of that I’m going to be kind to myself”. I’ve misquoted it but it really resonated with me. When I’m having a stressful day at work I slouch, hunch, don’t take breaks, eat terrible food, skip the gym. Since I heard that podcast I’ve been making a huge effort to take care of myself on those days and put myself first. It’s made a big difference.

Topsyandtimison37 · 21/12/2021 23:22

'Will this matter in 10 years?'

ehb102 · 21/12/2021 23:24

The only thing you have to do in life is breathe. Everything else is a choice with consequences.

timtam23 · 21/12/2021 23:27

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ”

I think this quote is supposed to be from Mark Twain. I really like it and I have it on a fridge magnet stuck to the fridge door do I look at it every day. I don't do much exploring now but I look back 20 or so years and think yeah, I'm glad I pushed myself to do quite a few things that at the time were pretty daunting. Equally, there are a few things I didn't do that I now regret a lot as I won't get the chance back again.

HeckinMiffed · 21/12/2021 23:28

@evilharpy

"It's a start. I believe in starts. Once you have the start, the rest is inevitable." - Joey "The Lips" Fegan
The Commitments-fab book/film and sage advice indeed!

@bubbleblower85 good luck, it takes time but so freeing.
MN has some great advice-the stately homes threads is a fab support. I doubt I could have gone n/c without the advice I had. Grey Rock changed my life!
Just remember.... 'life is too short! Flowers

Queenfreak · 21/12/2021 23:30

I suffer massively with guilt over the things I think I have done wrong to others. I can make myself feel physically sick churning up actions from 10 or even 20 yrs ago!
A wonderful friend once said to me "do you really think you are that important?".
This has helped me hugely over the years! I appreciate it may seem like a negative statement, but it helps me put things in perspective

Vapeyvapevape · 21/12/2021 23:30

The serenity prayer

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference

Fivefootoffun · 21/12/2021 23:32

‘You deserve what you tolerate’.

suka · 21/12/2021 23:36

"It will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end"

And

"Hurt people hurt people"

Rapidash · 21/12/2021 23:42

Another Maya Angelou one for me:

'You did then what you knew how to do. When you knew better, you did better'

GreenWhiteViolet · 21/12/2021 23:42

"I wished to know the meaning of things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction." - always warms my existentialist libertarian heart.

"Learn to value yourself, which means, fight for your happiness."

"Ships in harbour may be safe, but that's not what ships were built for."

And one that I can't recall exactly but is about holding onto a grudge being like holding onto a hot coal and hoping it burns the other person. It helped me get past the feeling that someone who had hurt me a lot didn't deserve to have me let go of the bitterness - the truth was, I was being hindered by it.