Words/sayings that had a profound effect on you.

[bubbleblower85]

What words or saying really effected you/changed your mentality/ helped you etc

Maya Angelou's words "when some one shows you who they are believe them" helped my leave an abusive situation. I realized the abuser was exactly that and they won't change so there was no point in trying to 'understand'/'excuse' their behaviour.

I keep this in mind now when in all my relationships. It's actually helping me to undo some cognitive dissonance over some siblings that are the lovely golden child and being told from.childhood that they're sweet, lovely etc but now I realise actually just how awful they were/are to me.

Along similar vein is "how they treat you is how they feel about you". This really helped me open my eyes to one particular sibling and their nastiness towards me.

Another saying I am trying to implement in my life retrospectively in some cases, is "be careful of what you tolerate; by what you tolerate you teach others how they can treat you".
Trying to step back from my 'pick me' 'begging for some kindness' behaviour, making clear to people that I am not happy with their behaviour.

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER

One I read on here... not my circus, not my monkey.

Really helped me when exh was being a dick & trying to drag me into all sorts of his drama after we separated.

That's a good one, actually applying it right now in a nonsense family drama 👏

@MrsSugar

Focus on the shit that’s on the shovel rather than the pile. I tell myself this when I feel overwhelmed with things I need to do.

Simple but true… life is too short.
Life truly is too short to worry about trivial things !

😁 yes to shit on the shovel......can use this in my line of work when working with people to set SMART goals etc. Thank you.

I can't remember the exact phrasing, it was something I saw on Pinterest, but it was to the effect of "you don't have to stand by your mistakes just because you spent a long time making them". I was letting sunk cost fallacy hold me back from making a big life change at the time and that really struck a chord.

The next one isn't as eloquent but I was spending a lot of time doing something which made me unhappy in order to progress further in the thing making me unhappy and I started googling to see if anyone else had felt the same way about it. I saw a post somewhere from someone who had decided to quit because they realised that "the prize for winning the pie eating competition was just more pie". Really made me stop and ask myself why I was trying to get more pie when I didn't like the pie I was already eating.

Last one is the song "enjoy yourself (it's later than you think)". I always listen to it when I'm stuck in a rut and the lyrics always inspire me to make a change.

Near the start of the pandemic I was really freaking out about people not ‘following the rules’ and i was getting really anxious. My husband said to me ‘you can’t control other people’s actions, only your own’, and I now think of that phrase frequently and find it really helps, in many situations.

@Buytoomuchonebay

If it doesn’t matter in 5 years time,then it doesn’t matter now Saves me getting bogged down with the smaller details

They don’t pay my rent
Meaning that they don’t matter in my life-I don’t need them

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on
Just that-leave toxic behind and forget about it

I like this, especially "they don't pay the rent".

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

I can't remember the exact phrasing, it was something I saw on Pinterest, but it was to the effect of "you don't have to stand by your mistakes just because you spent a long time making them". I was letting sunk cost fallacy hold me back from making a big life change at the time and that really struck a chord.

The next one isn't as eloquent but I was spending a lot of time doing something which made me unhappy in order to progress further in the thing making me unhappy and I started googling to see if anyone else had felt the same way about it. I saw a post somewhere from someone who had decided to quit because they realised that "the prize for winning the pie eating competition was just more pie". Really made me stop and ask myself why I was trying to get more pie when I didn't like the pie I was already eating.

Last one is the song "enjoy yourself (it's later than you think)". I always listen to it when I'm stuck in a rut and the lyrics always inspire me to make a change.

"you don't have to stand by your mistakes just because you spent a long time making them", this one is really deep, thank you for sharing. Will borrow this too 🤗

There’s one like ; you made the wine, now you drink a cup. Which is essentially you made the bed now you lie in it but slightly more poetic.

My fave is a poem by Nikita Gill.

𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑑𝑜⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑎𝑑𝑣𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑒.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑙𝑓,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑘𝑖𝑛⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑒 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

Another I have remembered is "don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it, time will pass anyway"

Wish I knew this when I was in my 20's, I stopped pursuing so many options because I thought I
would not have the time to finish them, in between getting married and having kids.

Older and (a smidgen) wiser now.

@SisterAgatha

There’s one like ; you made the wine, now you drink a cup. Which is essentially you made the bed now you lie in it but slightly more poetic.

My fave is a poem by Nikita Gill.

𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑑𝑜⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑎𝑑𝑣𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑒.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑙𝑓,⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑘𝑖𝑛⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑒 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

☺️ that's a good poem, reminds me of an Arabic saying "beware the anger of a gentle person".

Stepping out of the race she didn't want to be in, she found her own lane and proceeded to win

You can't control how others behave, but you can control how you respond to that behaviour.

It's made me rethink a lot of situations that I normally find stressful!

"Nothing changes if nothing changes".

If you don't like it, do something about it

A moment when you're happy is one in the bank. No-one can take that away from you.

Notice your happy moments and bank them.

You are not your actions.

"If you like it, do it. If you don't like it - do it- you might like it!'. -Pauline Calf

Life finds a way.

And ‘Little Heartbreak’ by Wilhelmina Stitch

“Leap & the net will appear!” xo

I did a birthing course (I'm not one for woo so it was a big thing to me). One of the affirmations was "I am the ocean, I make the waves". Stuck with me ever since. I chanted it in my head throughout labour and it helped me focus on each contraction.

I try and apply it day to day- it's excellent at reminding me to stop to screeching (though definitely doesn't work all the time 🙊) at the kids or when I'm dealing with my bloody mother not to rise to her provocations. I get to decide and control how to react, not anyone else.

@Fetchthevet

You are not your actions.

Sounds like a mantra for psychopaths. Maybe I'll try it.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last 1 .

I always think of this if I get too bogged down with things that are in the past

I also had an amazing counsellor in my late 20s. I bloody loved/love that woman. Anyway. She told me two things- not profound sayings that I'm aware of but first was a Latin phrase "dum Spiro spero" which means roughly "with breath hope" which got me through the ordeal of infertility. The other was "you aren't your parents". I'd spent so much of my twenties worrying that I was somehow going to morph into the disastrous, toxic pair that I'd stopped making decisions for fear of it being the wrong one and the one that led me to being like them. Just having someone point out that very obvious thing was a game changer for me.

I like the phrase “those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter.”

I thought it was quite profound, but it’s Dr Seuss!

Mary Oliver's poem, Wild Geese. All of it is great, but I especially like "you do not have to be good".

Also a phrase about judging yourself by your intent, but others by their actions. I often think of this if I’m starting to judge people on the outside, as they could have the best of intentions (like I like to think I have).

It’s a scene from This is England 1990. Combo is making his case to the parole board to be released from prison. He says ‘as well as asking for forgiveness from the people I’ve hurt, I’ve also forgiven the people who have hurt me’.

It brings a lump to my throat whenever I think about it, that scene is just so powerful. There’s good and bad in everyone, we are very nuanced creatures and it captures that perfectly.