Today my teenager was upset because.....

[Positivelypatient]

On the back of the amusing threads about the irrationality of toddlers and their meltdowns, I have this for you.

Today my 17 DD is upset because I suggested booking an expensive (for me as a single parent) spa day for her and her sisters and me that we would go to on her 18th birthday. I hasten to add this is NOT in place of presents, cake and special attention for the birthday girl. Apparently I have made her feel worthless for suggesting she share her special day with her family.

@choli

Genuine question. Did you all get away with that sort of crap as teenagers?

Are you reading a different thread than me? The vast majority of this is very typical teen stroppines, caused by hormonal and neurobiological changes - a typical and important development process - as demonstrated by the fact that lots of us are talking about how much better they are as adults.

Let’s not make this into something it isn’t.

I constantly 'lose' all her things - ie I pick them off the floordrobe and put them away in their correct places.

Oh gosh this is the thread I've been waiting for ...

@IsAnybodyListening

My DS16 recently told me he was absolutely sick and tired and SO annoyed with me, that every day when he comes home I ask 'How has your day been?' apparently I could use 'Other' words rather than repeating myself like a robot.

So I have shook it up and he is getting crosser. 'Good day fine squire, was the college from whence you came a suitable learning establishment'? I've tried ''Oh, you're back. Didn't know you had left. Where have you been?'' Apparently I am NOT funny.

Blinds. His bloody bedroom blinds can't be opened. This is a new thing. He literally yells if I go near them. I suspect he might be part vampire and I have a possible 'Lost Boys' situation on my hands.

I accepted his friends facebook request. He was absolutely furious, and said I was 'Bang out of order' to have accepted the request and I should have deleted it. His friend I have known since a toddler and have fed dinner to a zillion times in my own home.

I hoovered his bedroom. Apparently he did this only last month and said I have a 'Cleaning Problem'.

All of this made me laugh. You are my kind of parent!

Do all teenagers do this as mine is 15 and I'm still worried it's going to hit any day

@TheWeeDonkey

DS is at uni and no longer a teenager. I was howling the other day. He was telling me how he'd spent the whole day cleaning his house share from top to bottom. He'd just sat down when his housemate came home with his girlfriend, they'd brought a takeaway and left food wrappers and left over food all over the kitchen and then gone straight to his room.

• Can you imagine how frustrating that is mum?

• Well now you come to mention it son

Love this so much & the “points quivering finger”

One day they’ll be home owners with coasters and a shoes off at the front door policy. You can all have a lot of fun with them then.

@Pippyweather

I had to drop something off at my sons school for him the other day. He's a boarder in the next town and had forgotten his trainers or something like that so i said i'd drop them off at lunch.

I parked in the car park that adjoins where they all queue up for lunch and got out of my car to stretch my leg that felt a bit crampy. I was dressed as normal and the car was clean and i had no music on.

I suddenly got a text saying, "GET BACK IN THE CAR!!!!!!!! IF YOU DONT I WONT COME OVER TO YOU."

Apparently i had to pass the trainers through a crack in my window as he was passing between the cars to go to lunch.

I was so tempted to shout "LOVE YOU!!" to him when i drove out of the car park past him.

I remember my DS asking me to park around the corner when picking him up from school, obviously I was not fit to be seen in public with him when his friends were around! I don’t remember mine ever being rude to me- they’d have got pretty short shrift if they had. I did point out to them that one of the functions of a parent is to be embarrassing from time to time.

@MaxiMini

Do all teenagers do this as mine is 15 and I'm still worried it's going to hit any day

Sorry 😞

But yes it's coming...

Also I am the worlds most awful parent because I won't give her £12 to get a taxi to her mates.

Her legs are hurting from college so she couldn't possibly walk to the bus stop.

The fact that for the last week she hasn't even rinsed her own cup out and her bedroom is where food goes to die means she isn't getting a penny.

(NB she is a good kid really. I'm recently disabled and she always calls me on her breaks at college to check I'm ok, and she even hugged me before she set off the other day! Maybe we are starting to come out of the other side now...)

@BlueMongoose I'm relieved to read your post...

I was worried I'd broken my DSs as we didn't have any of this. It's not a stealth boast, honest! We had a torrid time with DS1 until he was about 11, seriously thought he'd end up as a teen climbing out of the window and being brought back by the police after going out to TWOC (those were the days).
Then we fostered similarly challenging small children.

When ours were teens I expected all hell to break out, and actually encouraged DS2 to be a bit less obliging! It never did.

There was the one time I considered calling the police, as I thought he'd gone missing on the way home from school... no, he had just put his shoes and bag away for the first time, after many previous requests as he usually just dumped them inside the front door!

@MaxiMini

Do all teenagers do this as mine is 15 and I'm still worried it's going to hit any day

My now 22 year old really didn't go through a horrid teen phase.

However my nearly 13 yo can be a foul creature.

@sueelleker

WhoWants2Know

My eldest was angry this morning at the entire subject of geography because she can't be arsed about rocks.
Has anyone else noticed that she's mixed up geography and geology?

I have pointed this out so many times. Apparently the two subjects are combined in her school.

@choli

Genuine question. Did you all get away with that sort of crap as teenagers?

No, i'd have got grounded/pocket money docked up until 18.

However, that didn't stop my fair share of screeching at my parents, skipping school, telling them how god awful/unreasonable they were, slamming doors/storming off/back chat...etc and i was one of the most level headed, nicest, well behaved kids you could meet.. but i still lost my temper at dumb shit/thought i was hard done by.

Teenager are Teenagers, their behaviour is to do with brain development and levels of seratonin and dopermine in the brain.. it creates erratic behaviour and moods.

The thing was, my parents understood this and while i didn't 'get away with that sort of crap' they weren't unreasonable in their consequences, treated me fairly, with compassion and understanding, and never ever once withdrew any of their love and support.

Currently i'm 40, and my mum is one of my best friends because our relationship is built on love, trust and mutual respect.. and me knowing that she would walk through fire to help me.

My kids are just coming into the shitty phase, and i hope i do as good a job of parenting them through it as my mum did (ftr , she thinks i'm not strict enough)

As an aside, but still on topic, this is a very interesting (and amusing) podcast episode on the teenage brain: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09pl662

Summary:

The Teenage Brain

Brian Cox and Robin Ince are joined by impressionist Rory Bremner, Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at UCL Sarah-Jayne Blakemore and Professor of Zoology at Manchester University Matthew Cobb to look at the working of the teenage brain, and why teenagers are so, well, teenagery. Stomping off to your bedroom, being embarrassed by your parents, wanting to fit in with your peers and a love of risky behaviour are all well known traits associated with our teenage years, exasperating parents through the ages. But new research into dynamic changes going on in the brain during these key years has revealed that it's not just hormones that are responsible for these behaviours. Could a better understanding of what is going on during these formative years not only help teenagers themselves, but inform our education system and even help prevent many of the mental health problems that often begin during adolescence?

[quote spiderlight]@2389Champ - I once timed DS ranting and wailing about his maths homework, timed him actually doing the homework, and then presented him with a pie chart. It did actually get through to him![/quote]
This is epic parenting lol

[quote picklemewalnuts]@BlueMongoose I'm relieved to read your post...

I was worried I'd broken my DSs as we didn't have any of this. It's not a stealth boast, honest! We had a torrid time with DS1 until he was about 11, seriously thought he'd end up as a teen climbing out of the window and being brought back by the police after going out to TWOC (those were the days).
Then we fostered similarly challenging small children.

When ours were teens I expected all hell to break out, and actually encouraged DS2 to be a bit less obliging! It never did.

There was the one time I considered calling the police, as I thought he'd gone missing on the way home from school... no, he had just put his shoes and bag away for the first time, after many previous requests as he usually just dumped them inside the front door!
[/quote]
I love the shoes story!
DB was never awkward, though sometimes silent. I got very scratchy when I had to spend an extra year at home after A levels, chafing at the bit rather as my mates had all gone off to study away from home. But nothing more than just being irritable, really.
I can also reassure you that it all worked out fine in the end, too. We're still a close family 40 years on from then and we look after our parents now they're vulnerable.

I’m worried about the teen years, my older sibling was a nightmare teen, so horrific that I vowed never to be the same, when I felt the red mist descending I had a word with myself and didn’t lash out, although I did some risky things through my parents lazy parenting. My sibling ruined a good few years of home life.

My DD’s have strops, I worry that this might escalate. I’m going to talk about choices, coping with anger etc.

The majority of clothes DD buys immediately become "cringe" or awful within a week of purchase .. I then scoop them up and incorporate them into my wardrobe which is double cringe apparently .. I now just cut out the middle man and intentionally steer her towards clothes I know I will end up wearing

Other things that are cringe:
-Saying a cheery good morning to people I know.
-Singing loudly in the car
-Dancing the kitchen
-Being overly chatty with waiters

• talking to their friends

I asked him to empty dishwasher and fold some clothes, he woke up being a right grumpy but and channelling Greta Garbo.

My son pretty much hides under the car seat when we go to a drive-thru.
I ask too many questions.

Apparently it's OK to just order a Zinger Meal or a Colonel's Box without knowing what's in it.

Over the last week or so I have noticed that there are fewer and fewer glasses and mugs in the dishwasher every day, so a few days ago I dared to suggest that the DC check their rooms and bring down any dishes. DS (14) grunted something about having to do everything and when does he get a break. DD (17) was outraged at being asked as she is NOT A CHILD and knows how to keep her room clean.

Yesterday I went in to DD's room and found a large number of cups/glasses (some growing things inside), several wet towels on the floor as well as clean and dirty washing mixed together on the floor. I kept calm and put the a note on her door saying:

Given the current washing and washing up crisis, there are some new rules:

1. No scientific experiments to be conducted in bedrooms
2. Leaving dishes in bedrooms will be treated as a promise to wash up/load and unload the dishwasher for a week
3. Leaving clothes on the bedroom floor will be treated as a request to do your own washing/ironing
4. Towels will be washed twice a week only. If there are no towels you will need to drip dry.

After reading this, DD told me she needed a quiet word. Apparently she was doing her best to remain calm but that this note was 'dehumanising' and she would like an apology!

After reading this, DD told me she needed a quiet word. Apparently she was doing her best to remain calm but that this note was 'dehumanising' and she would like an apology!

Wow!!! Just wow...

Dd at about 16 was annoyed cos I offered to pick her up from a friend's party??? And I was regularly the worst mum in the world for tidying things up in her room and daring to pit her washed and ironed clothes in her room total invasion of privacy apparently she was never in her room when I did this and if she was i always knocked but nope I was invading her space. She and her sister are both gorgeous young women now and we are such good friends ( yes I know I'm their mum first always,)but at that age if I breathed wrong I was embarrassing 😳 😂😂

Almost 13yo just text me to say everyone's mums are better than me because I only gave her £20 to spend on food and drink for 4 hours at Alton Towers.