The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

[IheartJKR]

ALL THE TIME. Fuckers.

[Grimacingfrog]

[quote evtheria]@DrSbaitso Being reasonable here: “Oh nice choice, the blueberry muffins here are great” etc? I used to work in a cafe so I’ve heard all the comments, and there are not-rude ones (even if you’d rather no stranger spoke to you at all).[/quote]
Yes but I don't think people complain about that kind of small talk that's not particularly sparkling repartee but I not offensive. It's the unsolicited advice and policing of behaviour and emotions that women don't like.

[Letthelightoflove]

@DrSbaitso

Negging is part of “the Game”, completely different to “having game” which is what you’re referring to.

[Ohfuckitall]

I've had "Cheer up love, might never happen" and my response is "Well, I've got an entitled twat telling me how to arrange my face, so it already has"

Brilliant!

[Battleneck]

[quote OoglyMoogly]@Battleneck

“IMHO - man was not unreasonable for making a comment“

Erm, yes he was totally unreasonable! Nothing to do with him even if OP had decided to eat a whole cream gateau!

No one has a right to dictate what total strangers do!

Maybe you should stop letting misogynists off the hook?[/quote]
"No one has a right to dictate what total strangers do! "

You mean like no-one has a right to dictate to strangers that they should never make a passing comment towards anyone else? If so I agree.

I also agree that any comment about weight or judging the purchase is wrong.

[Benjispruce5]

I always used to get ‘Cheer up love, nobody died.’ How do they know? Not so much now that I’m middle aged which says a lot. My DDs get it now. Needs to stop.

[Grenlei]

I get them when I'm in a supermarket queue buying flowers

'you should get a bloke to buy you them love'

[Letthelightoflove]

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts
Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

This.

OP I very much like your response and you were entirely justified in using it.

[thelegohooverer]

You’re my hero today OP.

[ElizaDoolots]

I read one of these threads a while back about men telling women to smile and was thinking about it whilst walking to the shop afterwards. My dismay was obviously apparent on my face because on the way to the shop a random man told me to ‘cheer up love, it might never happen’.
I wish I’d had a witty response but instead just burst out laughing like a maniac. The fucking irony!

[Ohfuckitall]

I have far, far more aggressive female strangers being abusive to me. Normally over my disabled child. I dont think any man has ever questioned me using disabled facilities or my childs appearance or behavior but I have had more univitedaggresive comments from females than I can count on my fingers and toes

I was going to say, once you have children, it is more likely to be random women who feel free to comment (on your inadequate parenting

[maresedotes]

I loved your comment too.

I'm in my fifties and was stopped (when running - slowly - with headphones in) by a man. I asked him to repeat what he had just said to me. He repeated "I could do that!" meaning running. I told him to crack on then. Never smiled at him. Was pissed off that he'd stopped me for something so unimportant.

[lechatnoir]

OMG this is one of my pet hates and as I've got older although the comments have reduced in quantity, my responses have certainly increased in quality .

If I can't think of a witty response I just ask in a non-aggressive way "why do you feel the need to make a comment like that?" And stare whilst waiting for response which is typically something along the lines of no need to be rude (oh the irony) or they just look embarrassed. Either way hopefully it will hopefully make them think twice about doing it again!

[randomlyLostInWales]

I once unintentionally embarrassed an older man when he did this to me - a cake and a coffee and snack for toddler I had with me - I truthfully answered well I'm still BF so lucky me it dosn't matter. He went bright red and shuffled off.

When I was in my 20s very shy - turned out my automatic not thought out response to aggressive behavior was to smile - so I used to get a lot of smile right in my face from random men without any thought I'd be doing it - and they'd be shocked I had - so I was flummoxed as to what response was expected.

[Fluffypockets]

Can we get “thank you random man…” stickers printed up, to hand out in these situations?

Its so…urgh, infuriating! It doesn’t really happen to me anymore, middle age does definitely have some benefits, but it used to, and I remember how it felt to run through a mental list of appropriate responses, and chose the most passive, for fear of being called out in public for being a bitch.

[Chickenyhead]

No one has a right to dictate what total strangers do! "

You mean like no-one has a right to dictate to strangers that they should never make a passing comment towards anyone else? If so I agree.

And nobody has the right to expect a welcoming smile or pleasant response to their unsolicited comments.

[Weonlyhavealoanofit]

A great way of dealing with these unsolicited comments is to stop, turn around and say ‘sorry I’m hard of hearing can you repeat that?’ And then when they do….say ‘sorry I didn't catch that what did you say?’ And repeat several times before rounding off with ‘I’m bored now’…..

[Battleneck]

@BrightYellowDaffodil

it is easy to look and feel a bit sad as you idly think about things, and then "cheer up" when an intrusion breaks the spell.

Why should anyone have to look a certain way? Are we all under an obligation not to look miserable in public, and should be reminded if we've forgotten?

I was just suggesting that some men might actually genuinely believe that by saying something they are likely to help (marginally), and occasionally they might even be right.

I note that I have never in any way suggested that anyone should look a certain way, nor that I think it's a good idea to go round telling people to cheer up. I did say "If that's the intention then something a bit more original and that doesn't involving using pet names on strangers might be more appropriate. I can't particularly think of what one might say instead, which probably suggests saying nothing is the best option."

[Littlekittyscupcake]

He was a twat.

[FeedMeSantiago]

When I was 17 and en route to my school friend's funeral a man came up to me and did the 'cheer up love, it might never happen' thing. I gave him an earful that I was off to a funeral for a 17 year old which is very unlike me but I'm glad I did. I hope he learned a lesson that day and never did it again.

[grapewine]

IMHO - man was not unreasonable for making a comment

Why not? What earthly reason is there to comment on a stranger's food choices? He was being a grade a twat, and OP - I'm loving your comeback!

[evtheria]

@Grimacingfrog Yes, I was responding to someone questioning if there were any unsolicited comments that would not be unreasonable. I definitely think there are! But chances are if it’s a rude random comment you’re likely a woman and the commenter is likely a man.

[Battleneck]

@Chickenyhead

*No one has a right to dictate what total strangers do! "

You mean like no-one has a right to dictate to strangers that they should never make a passing comment towards anyone else? If so I agree.*

And nobody has the right to expect a welcoming smile or pleasant response to their unsolicited comments.

I agree 100%. IMHO you wanna be dead careful when saying anything to strangers to avoid offending, and even if you are a Stephen Fry level wit you have no right to expect one iota of pleasantness back.

[Bloodypunkrockers]

Has anyone ever actually cheered up as a result of an unwanted comment from
RCM

[supersop60]

I was walking with my dd (20) and an unattractive middle-aged man selling tickets for a bus tour yelled 'Does she ever smile?'
It wasn't till we got further down the street, I thought of 'Do you ever stop eating?'
If they can do it so can I
He had a huge pregnancy tummy