What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

[lardylegs123]

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail

I turned up in the car park at school for DS's music recital (basically 6 year olds blowing into recorders with a range of 3 notes), straight from the airport. In an upper class limo. The chauffeur insisted in taking my luggage into the school office. All the parents were queued outside.

Luckily they had the grace to pretend they hadn't noticed as none of us are wankers really but the shame. To be fair, the plane landed at 8:10 and I was in the school hall at 9:05.

@CommanderBurnham

Reminds me, about 20 years ago I was once taken to the airport in Hugh Grant’s chauffeured limo (long story - but he was not in it himself).

When I got out, people looked to see who was getting out, realized I wasn’t famous and turned away disappointed.

@PowerhouseOfTheCell

Decided that 13 year old me would look the height of sophistication with a pocket watch looking back I must have looked a right twat at the bus stop just whipping it out

I did this but embarrassingly it was in my 20s when I could finally afford one. Not as easy as checking my wrist watch though so I never wear it now. Good thing really

In sixthform (during the Thatcher years, in a very conservative voting area) I claimed to be a fervent communist. I was studying A level economics and I decided to answer an essay on free market economics by describing at length my personal teenage alternative theory. I also feigned outrage that the school library didn't have a copy of the Communist Mannifesto- then bought my own copy and carried it around occasionally writing in the margin and nodding like a twat wisely

From a working-class family and got a scholarship to private school at 11. Some posh girls asked where I was from, pretending they thought my accent was foreign. I’m sorry to say I was so embarrassed, and so wanted to fit in, that like Lardy and Torrance, I taught myself to speak like them.

I wish I had told them I was there because I had brains, unlike them!

I can't put on an accent to save my life, but I do catch accents from the people I am talking to. I only realised when I came home after a night out with an Northern Irish friend and my housemate asked me why I was talking like Ian Paisley. Thankfully it doesn't last long, but I always worry that people will think I'm taking the piss.

@covidcloser

I must be really wanky. I am autistic and moved about a lot as a kid. I changed/change my accent frequently to suit my situation. Masking I suppose but I didn't realise that for another 30 odd years.

Same!

Not me but DH works very much in the corporate world and asked me if I’d “reached out” to my brother 😂 by that he meant “what’s apped” as it’s not like we were estranged or he was going through a crisis or anything I just needed to ask him a small favour!

I studied Classics at uni and my whole personal statement was the wankiest thing I’ve ever written. I even included a quote from Keats

On a plane to South Africa dh and I turned left while 2 year old dd and our au pair turned right

So many daily that I am going to push a friend under the bus instead.

She likes to ask people on meeting them "may I ask, what is your business?" in her best telephone voice.

@Bronson2

Anyone who uses the word reader in a post is a certified wanker

Yes they are 😂

@loopylindi

My friend and I both went to do teacher training at 18. I went to Liverpool (and am something of an 'accent sponge'. My friend went to Eastbourne. My mother was so disappointed!!

Ah god be with the days - circa 1964 -66 - when the whole world was trying to be Scouse!

I once heard my SIL complain about something in a shop and shout out “do you not know who I’m married to?” at the poor woman inside the till.

😂😂

I blame the 4 Tops!

Me and a friend set up a book club for our sons and one of their friends. Forced them to read the Narnia books then met up to discuss the books with the other boys, having coached DS in the Christian symbolism littered throughout.
Sons sat there fidgeting awkwardly before eventually pleading to go off and play with Lego.
DS who is all grown up frequently reminds me of this rock bottom parenting episode

@bringincrazyback

I was about 8. At the time I had a luminous star chart on my bedroom wall, which I loved, and learned all the constellation names from it.

Around the same time someone gave me a little toy bear and I named it Ursa Minor. embarrassed

I think that's brilliant Bringingcrazyback

@MissConductUS

What if you moved overseas, for example. If, say, you spent 30 years living in the US would it not be acceptable for your accent to change?

I've noticed that among the Brits I've worked with who have been in the US, their accent softens but never really goes away completely. They do start using American words for things - soccer instead of football, trash instead of rubbish, etc.

We end up using the American terminology for common, everyday items because we regularly encounter arrogant people here who pretend they have no idea what we are talking about when we use the British terms. Most British people, even those who have never been here, will understand a born and raised American when they talk about trash, gas, faucets, etc but it doesn’t work the other way very often. Yes, the US has a greater influence than the UK does when it comes to pop culture. More British people are likely to have seen American films or TV shows than Americans will have seen British ones, but there’s also the fact that many people (not all, but many) are not well-travelled and not even interested in what goes on beyond these borders. I remember speaking to a client at work and mentioning during small talk that my mother is now a pensioner and something about looking for places that offer discounts for over 60s and she looked at me like I had two heads. “What are you talking about? What’s a pensioner?” I mean, even if you’ve never heard it before given the context (my mother - and I’m clearly in my 40s, over 60s, reduced income, the word “pension”) it’s not that difficult to figure out.

I’ve lived here for several years. My husband is an American and has never lived anywhere else. I don’t work with any ex pats or speak to any British people here during my usual daily life. My acce ts hasn’t changed. Yet. My husband knows what I mean when I say “paracetamol” and other things. But sometimes it’s easier and avoids confusion to use the same terminology. Asking my husband to buy some chips once caused confusion. British chips to go in the oven or American chips to snack on?

I reinvented my signature when I received a letter from a prospective boarding school for my DS (which we could never have afforded btw). I loved the way the writer has shaped the letters in her signature practiced until I could do the same!

@troobleflooble

I had to look it up as it was doing my head in and I was correct *@Tippexy* 😂

Affect means to influence or impact so that was the correct meaning for the context I was using it.

Still a very wanky phrase!

Influencing change is effecting change!

No one would ever say they “affect change.” I know I said it was rare but after thinking about it, it actually is just impossible and would not be a natural turn of phrase!

Had a wank.

My DCs are disabled and we've started getting quite a lot of help in the home: therapists, tutors, carers etc. I was talking to someone the other day and said 'one of the staff', in our tiny run down, rented terraced house like we had butlers or something. I'm still cringing

Just to be clear, I do not think of these people as 'my staff', they are invaluable to us, and in some cases like members of the family but the volume of different types of helpers we have just made me struggle (on the spot) to think of a word.

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

Oh I've remembered another wanky incident, but again not me - just overheard.

A college friend used to work at Harrods, and I sometimes went up to see her for her break, and we'd wander round together.
Going through the evening wear section with her once, we saw a snooty looking assistant helping a couple, showing them an evening stole or something. The lady asked how much it was and the assistant replied "Madam, if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it"

So rude! My friend and I were shocked at how rude she was!

@BritWifeInUSA having lived in the USA myself for a short while, I came back grateful for cosmopolitan UK (even out in the non-London sticks).

I'm a native English speaker (generic northern England) and when in the US, strangers' faces used to glaze over when I was speaking. I knew they hadn't heard a word I said, they were just experiencing some kind of mild panic that I wasn't talking like a local. Ended up adopting a "Hi, I'm new around here (even after a few years), could you help me please" schtick that gave them time to register and adjust to my accent. But yy to the not being able to put a different word or pronunciation into context.

So my wanky thing was that I ended up always ordering "Perrier" or "San Pelligrino" at a restaurant, because of the drama involved in asking for "water". One particular cringeworthy time I was saying water/H2O/the stuff that comes out of the faucet and getting nowhere with the confused waitress, until a colleague leaned over and said "she said she wants some WADDER" and the waitress suddenly got it. Cost me a fortune over the years, would have been happy with the water option from the soda taps behind the bar but never found the magic phrase to unlock that request.

@ScrollingLeaves

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

It's fine if it's natural. If it's put on to imply you're "better" than wherever your roots are = wanky. IMO.