What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

[lardylegs123]

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Oh I've remembered another wanky incident, but again not me - just overheard.

A college friend used to work at Harrods, and I sometimes went up to see her for her break, and we'd wander round together.
Going through the evening wear section with her once, we saw a snooty looking assistant helping a couple, showing them an evening stole or something. The lady asked how much it was and the assistant replied "Madam, if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it"

So rude! My friend and I were shocked at how rude she was!

My dad used to say that. I would say only a fool pays blind. Maybe I can afford £15k on a dress, but I wouldn't pay it!

Cost me a fortune over the years, would have been happy with the water option from the soda taps behind the bar but never found the magic phrase to unlock that request.

Club soda?

When my DD passed the assessment to get into the same prep school attended by the royal kids.
I told everyone.
I don't know why as I'm not a royalist and none of my friends are impressed by that kind of thing - especially as lots of them have kids that go there anyway.
I look back, a few years on, and inwardly cringe. Like who gives a shit? And why am was I such a wanker!

Taking our four children backpacking down through Vietnam, and up through Cambodia.

In fact all our holidays are pretentious. There’s a scene in Outnumbered where the snooty sister talks about going to the ‘real’ Spain... Seville, Granada, rather than the Costa del whatever. My dc snort over it, because that‘s exactly where we went in Spain. Not to mention our trip to Brussels which included a trip to the European Parliament.

Yes, we are are those pretentious middle class wankers. I hate people like us

@funinthesun19

I was 22. I had just finished work at closing time, and we were all leaving the building. There was this guy who I had been flirting with at work, and he was stood with some other guys talking.

I wanted to give him a hug goodbye or something, but instead I froze, didn’t even look at him, touched his chest and walked off.

I fucking cringe when I think about it.

This reminds me of when my and my OH were on the tube going somewhere. A stranger dropped something and my OH picked it up for him. Stranger said thanks. OH inexplicably patted him on the head. Im lolling now remembering it but didnt at the time

Went backpacking around India when I was at Uni. Over the summer hols. Wanted to be interesting and have lots of tales of 'travelling'.

It was the worst 7 weeks of my life. Phoned home in tears several times. I loved sounding like a pretentious wanker telling people about my 'tour of India' though.

@powershowerforanhour

At least it wasn't gooseberry 'n cinnamon yoghurt, Ship.

🤣🤣🤣 love Catherine Tate!

@ScrollingLeaves

If someone went to Paris to study and came back with a good French accent it would be a good thing.

If someone picks up an RP accent at university ………… why is that wanky?

Because they’re already speaking English with an English accent in the first place.

(And I agree with some people accents change naturally but with others... they change overnight in their first days or weeks away and then sometimes switch back later when they get over themselves! But it’s a way to adjust to change I guess.)

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - I started doing it too after a lovely patient came back and suggested that their glasses weren't quite strong enough. The lab had read my 7 as a 1 and they were wearing glasses that were 6 dioptres too weak!

When I was 14 we made Christmas cakes in our cookery class. It took several weeks. The finale was obviously the icing and out came the Santas as the reindeer.

Except for me. I carefully piped on the words Hodie Christus Natus Est. (This day Christ is born).

I’d done one compulsory year of Latin. God the cringe.

My DS in the bath aged 3
What did you do at nursery today DS?
I say "Bonjour!"

Not me but a co-worker who would talk endlessly about how he’d spent the first years of his life in France and he’s fluent had taught the teacher French at school etc, one day gets a French customer on the phone and all he can say to her in French is “Can you speak more slowly, I can understand you but I can’t speak French very well” - I hadn’t told him I’d studied French at university before changing my course and I had a couple of French friends who I used to practice with so I could understand every word 🤣

I'm a complete accent sponge, but I think it's due to a lack of confidence and wanting to fit in, as well as growing up with parents with 2 quite different regional accents.

I was very wanky and lacking self awareness after doing my gap yah.
I used to fancy myself as an intellectual and swan around in lots of velvet at uni and boycott everything even though I wasn't always sure why. Total wanker as a teen.

My dad offered to do some wallpapering for me when I first left home many moons ago. I sat in my living room watching tv while he did it. I still feel awful about it. I don't think I even made him a cup of tea. What was I thinking? 😔

@pinkpapaya

One of the women I used to know when I lived overseas was being very snooty to the other women in the social group by using one-upmanship and reminding anyone who asked that she had a PhD in inorganic chemistry from a very good university here in Britain. This lady would let everyone know her academic past even down to wearing a Christmas jumper that read 'Oh Chemistree' for parties and would generally act as though she was the fount of all knowledge and superior which was very wanky and pretentious. She got her come-uppance one day at a baby shower when one of the other women, a Canadian doctor/surgeon then asked her about the papers she had published and the illustrious academic or industry career she had enjoyed. Turns out this woman's PhD had been privately paid for by Daddy and she had done nothing with it, never worked a day in her life and was using it as a club to beat the other ladies over the head with when she tried to lord it over them at the PTA. The Canadian doctor said 'Oh, so it was a MRS degree' before turning away. Good to see someone so wanky being out-wanked by a doctor who was usually the least wanky person around!

What's a 'MRS' degree, @pinkpapaya ?

Id assume a degree to find a husband

@pinkpapaya I wonder if I could arrange that lady to visit an acquaintance of mine, with a PhD in similar subject who behaves as though she's the first to achieve such an accolade. And anyone who chooses to live in their hometown rather than moving to the big city is an ignorant yokel lacking in her imagination and drive

Blimey all the people I know who have done PhDs have spent years alone in their rooms/a library/a lab and it’s more likely to end their relationships than get one going.

What's a 'MRS' degree, @pinkpapaya ?

Yes I don’t understand this either.

DontDrink and Bluntness - sorry, I should have explained because I didn't know what it was at first. It is a North American thing that dates from the time when women only went to university in order to bag a husband preferably an Ivy League man with a bright future ahead of them. The women weren't interested in actually doing anything with the degree or a career, instead just treating university as some kind of finishing school and to husband hunt. The MRS pronounced M-R-S was a waspish way to describe it and of course a play on the title 'Mrs.' So basically, this woman with the PhD had done nothing with it except use it to make herself more marriageable and bagged a rich husband and then liked to lord it over the ladies at the kid's school by making out she was somehow superior. She also had the maid at home to cook, clean and babysit and kept her in a bloody broom cupboard bedroom in the basement (I kid you not!)

It’s a misogynist American ‘joke’ used to describe women who meet their husbands at university. Supposedly they didn’t go for an education, they went to meet a man with prospects.

@FoxgloveSummers

Blimey all the people I know who have done PhDs have spent years alone in their rooms/a library/a lab and it’s more likely to end their relationships than get one going.

Not this one. She did it full time in under 3 years and all paid for privately by her father so she was done with education at age 25. She never had to go through any of the usual selection for a funded PhD. Never done anything since either apart from pop two kids out for others to raise but acted as though she was god's gift and SO much more educated than anyone else. The Canadian doctor mum was also a qualified surgeon and so the perfect person to call her on her BS!

@CommanderBurnham

I turned up in the car park at school for DS's music recital (basically 6 year olds blowing into recorders with a range of 3 notes), straight from the airport. In an upper class limo. The chauffeur insisted in taking my luggage into the school office. All the parents were queued outside.

Luckily they had the grace to pretend they hadn't noticed as none of us are wankers really but the shame. To be fair, the plane landed at 8:10 and I was in the school hall at 9:05.

I want to be your friend.

@riotlady

I studied Classics at uni and my whole personal statement was the wankiest thing I’ve ever written. I even included a quote from Keats

I think this is every arts subject personal statement isn’t it - wankiness is mandatory!

Mine was a quote from Orwell I think…

Ahhh I’ve remembered one from a loose acquaintance / colleague of my DH: working in financial sector, Christmas party in early December, senior colleague after a few drinks starts to complain about what a pain it is that he now has so many household staff that he has to throw a staff party for them