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Original poster

What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

380 replies

lardylegs123 · 27/06/2021 09:23

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying Blush I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail Grin

OP posts:
Lemonwoe · 28/06/2021 09:09

@LakieLady doesn’t everyone write 7s with a wee slash through them? I thought that was just how you wrote them

DrSbaitso · 28/06/2021 09:16

I use the French slash. I just find it makes it even quicker and easier to read, especially with my terrible handwriting.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 09:24

I used to buy the times and walk about town with it on show. I never read it. I don't even know why I chose the times over any other paper. I just thought it made me look better than the sun would.

wingsofsteel · 28/06/2021 09:40

I have a relative who is lovely but has been through multiple wanky phases. EG:

  • Whilst doing an English Literature degree she included a quote in every birthday/christmas card. She also added explanatory footnotes to help demonstrate how intellectual she was the recipient to understand. A lot of the quotes were in Middle English.
  • Despite never having actually followed any religion in her day to day life, if there is a discussion that involves religion she will claim whichever she considers fits her image at that time. Her DCs school once asked her to give a talk on her buddhism that she had to find a way to back out of.
  • At one point she had several dogs named after greek philosophers and cats named after mathematicians/physicists
felineflutter · 28/06/2021 10:01

Talking of papers I used to read the Independent and took pride in being able to
manipulate the pages and fold it with precision at the article I wanted to read.

I actually took pleasure in watching people getting into a mess trying to read a paper they couldn't turn or fold! Grin

OrangeRug · 28/06/2021 10:04

@DuckyMcDuck

School friend did the accent thing but the other way around - came from a naice Home Counties area, went to Newcastle Uni and she came home after the first term sounding like an extra from When the Boat Comes In, "way hay man"! Bonny Lass!
Agh cringe! I am actually from Newcastle and even I don't speak like that!

...or is that me being wanky? Hmm...

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/06/2021 10:59

Apparently i am incapable of saying chipotle without putting on a weird posh accent chipotlaaaay 😳

EishetChayil · 28/06/2021 11:17

A friend once asked me if I liked watching reality tv. I said, in all seriousness, "No - I prefer the higher pursuits."

Blush
cringeymcface · 28/06/2021 11:51

I've namechanged for this thread as these two actions were so wanky I dont want them haunting my Mumsnet posting history forever

  1. as a pretentious 10yo I asked for, and received, a black briefcase as a schoolbag. As a chubby bespectacled specimen I remember toting this around proudly, using the little locks on the side (the thing was full of library books). Thankfully the other kids were very kind and I was not bullied relentlessly

  2. when I was 16 I adapted the words of Sixteen Going On Seventeen from the Sound of Music into a poem which I sent to my then BF. How he did not dump me on the spot I have no idea

seasonalremarks · 28/06/2021 12:10
Grin
Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 12:27

@cringeymcface

I've namechanged for this thread as these two actions were so wanky I dont want them haunting my Mumsnet posting history forever

  1. as a pretentious 10yo I asked for, and received, a black briefcase as a schoolbag. As a chubby bespectacled specimen I remember toting this around proudly, using the little locks on the side (the thing was full of library books). Thankfully the other kids were very kind and I was not bullied relentlessly

  2. when I was 16 I adapted the words of Sixteen Going On Seventeen from the Sound of Music into a poem which I sent to my then BF. How he did not dump me on the spot I have no idea

Lol briefcase wanker!
10storeylovesong · 28/06/2021 12:34

Discussing the outrageous cost of extra curricular activities with friends. Very working class area. Lots of football, rugby, boxing etc. My DS - cricket, violin, tutor and dodgeball. We're not at all middle class. I know how pretentious it probably sounded, but they're all activities to help with his dyspraxia and hatred of maths!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 28/06/2021 13:27

@EishetChayil

A friend once asked me if I liked watching reality tv. I said, in all seriousness, "No - I prefer the higher pursuits."

Blush

😂😂😂😂 did your friend speak to you again?!
ScrollingLeaves · 28/06/2021 13:42

“Letsallscreamatthesistene

EishetChayil
A friend once asked me if I liked watching reality tv. I said, in all seriousness, "No - I prefer the higher pursuits."

blush

😂😂😂😂 did your friend speak to you again?!”

As a 12 yr old I went to see The Sound of Music with my grandparents and younger sister.

Afterwards, my grandmother said something about how much she had enjoyed it. I replied, “Little things for little minds.”

Can you imagine anything more awful? My grandfather went deadly silent. My beloved grandmother just said sweetly, “She didn’t mean it.” I have been eternally grateful to her for that.

I have watched and enjoyed TSOM many times since.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 28/06/2021 14:05

I went out with friends (we were In our early 20's) to a town 12 miles away from from where we lived (born and bred) and we decided to put on American accents and pretended we were cousins visiting relatives. Some guys thought it was cute and genuine and kept buying us drinks, one even made a comment he had never met an American before.....

How we kept it up for 4 hrs I dont know, we even did it in the different bars we went into....fgs

madgirlsinging · 28/06/2021 14:23

Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....

Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 14:44

@madgirlsinging

Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....

A teacher at my kid’s school had a PhD and insisted everyone called her doctor, to the point where all kids and staff had a hoodie with the school badge on the front and their surname on the back and she was the only one that insisted on having Dr written in front of her surname. Caused much sniggering amongst the parents. She was an awful teacher too!
LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 28/06/2021 14:52

I was accused of accent wankery at my first teaching job in the UK. I have British citizenship because I was born here so there wasn't extra paperwork which got around school and people decided I was putting my accent on for aattention.

My actual wankery is calling our spare room the library because it's where the majority of my vast book collection is. We also have a reasonably large garden with a patch of a couple of fruit trees which my husband calls the orchard. We must sound like such pretentious wankers when talking about our house.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 28/06/2021 14:56

Oh god. Our garage was sort of subsumed into our house by the previous owners by creating an indoor hallway between the garage and the main house. They also split the garage so a part of it is a utility room. So the extra hallway runs to the utikity room.

Yesterday I called that hallway the 'service hallway'. What a twat.

chesirecat99 · 28/06/2021 14:59

@madgirlsinging

Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....

LOL I just sent DS a congratulations card on his degree results addressed to Mr Chesire Cat BSc. TBF it was tongue in cheek and the card inside was humorous equally wanky and cheesey.
thefirstmrsrochester · 28/06/2021 14:59

madgirlsinging

Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....

My neighbour (whom I adore) includes her both her Uni degree and professional qualifications in her email sig. in the street what’s app Grin

ScrollingLeaves · 28/06/2021 14:59

“Twinsmum2003

madgirlsinging
Signing myself, name, followed by BA(Hons) shortly after getting my degree.......

Putting PhD after your name is the wankiest wankery of all that is wanky.....
A teacher at my kid’s school had a PhD and insisted everyone called her doctor, to the point where all kids and staff had a hoodie with the school badge on the front and their surname on the back and she was the only one that insisted on having Dr written in front of her surname. Caused much sniggering amongst the parents. She was an awful teacher too!”

There is a first rate private school I know of where some of the teachers have PHDs and have the title Dr.

This school is a sort of university for children. I don’t really see why this is wanky.

OnTheRoadNow · 28/06/2021 15:02

@Twinsmum2003 I don’t understand… should the pupils have used her first name instead? Or her surname with no title? Confused

frg124 · 28/06/2021 15:10

  1. Applying for work experience at the Daily Telegraph aged 15 by sending them a piece of my "best" creative writing from school where I'd swallowed a thesaurus and made it into the stodgiest, overly verbose piece of writing imaginable. It was very lame but I'm embarrassed to say it worked.

  2. Interviewing Princess Anne aged 10 for a BBC radio programme about her role for Save the Water or whatever it was. I have the recording where I ask her why she doesn't move all the poor people to the rich areas. Yes, because forced migration is always the answer to poverty and not in any way inappropriate. In my defence, the BBC had pre-vetted all our questions and should have scratched that one out. (She answered it very charmingly to give her credit).

Twinsmum2003 · 28/06/2021 15:12

[quote OnTheRoadNow]@Twinsmum2003 I don’t understand… should the pupils have used her first name instead? Or her surname with no title? Confused[/quote]
It was only wanky because EVERYONE else just had their surname no matter what their title or qualifications. It’s a private school so half the parents and staff have professional titles but she was the only one who insisted on that title on the back of a hoodie. Even the head teacher who was a professor only had “Jones” on the back of his. It appeared wanky to me and I saw several parents pointing it out and chuckling. You may disagree but horses for courses etc 🤷‍♀️

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