Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

@RustyBear
Gnomes Anonymous! You are truly blessed 😂

We are the worst , not only do we chat to our neighbours over the fence - DH also helped lay their decking!

@AnneKipanki
@MrsMackesy
@iklboo
You 3 might find this thread right up your alley...but you can't use the alley if it is by your garden...
@AlCalavicci is here too

You must not complain when the neighbour's cat shits in your garden because that is what cats do but you must pick up dog shit.

Also, don't smoke weed.

And don't be asking your DC if they would like an ice lolly because ndn DC might hear you and want one also!
And for goodness sake, don't let your DC play in the garden and share snacks with NDN child...the parents might get highly annoyed that you've taught your DC to share

Do not ever let dc offer crisps to ndn child as it will make ndn child not eat their dinner, which will then be entirely your fault.

Wind chimes, please NO!!!!! It's worse than nails scratching a chalkboard. Please make it stop✋.

TOTAL SILENCE ONLY 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Make sure you don't sit in the front garden fer fuck sake.

Don't make neighbours your friends, will only lead to awkwardness if you have a neighbour dispute later on.
Be Kind to your neighbours. If you find out they've been entering your garden to use the play equipment tell them they're welcome any time and open a gap in the fencing to make it easier for them.
Build high fencing - good boundaries make good neighbours.

Why do people water their fence

I've read the fence watering thread and it didn't seem to explain why the fence was being watered.

There seemed to be so much excessive watering going on that I was starting to suspect that the neighbour was ill (altzheimers, OCD etc).

Or of course it could have been yet another hyperbolic exaggeration from the OP. A few minutes a day with a hose pipe and a few splashes on the OPs fence translates into 'my neighbour spends all day and all night with their hose pipe on full blast trained on my fence.

Thank you all for the advice (and the humour), I will take it all on board. Last night I chucked the lawn mower, wind chimes, bbq, fire pit, trampoline, hot tub, garden furniture, kids toys, power tools and cats in the skip. (joking about the cats of course, they left home anyway as they didn't recognise my garden). I pulled up every weed, except the bee friendly ones, chopped down half the fence (so ndn kids can still see) and threw all my Phil Collins cd's on a bonfire.

Sadly, my neighbours didn't appreciate my efforts and kept complaining about all the noise I was making, some people are never satisfied, it was only 3 am after all!

Last night I chucked the lawn mower, wind chimes, bbq, fire pit, trampoline, hot tub, garden furniture, kids toys, power tools and cats in the skip. (joking about the cats of course, they left home anyway as they didn't recognise my garden). I pulled up every weed, except the bee friendly ones, chopped down half the fence (so ndn kids can still see) and threw all my Phil Collins cd's on a bonfire

YOU HAD A BONFIRE .

@Originalyellowbelly a bonfire???? I hope somebody called 101

SHIT. I forgot all the rules and just inadvertently gulped my coffee while out in the garden. Will I get reported? Any lawyers on here will you DM me? Thanks.

@Bluntness100

Don’t ever look at your neighbours. You must sit silently and if you see them out the corner of your eye you must look down. Never up op. Never up. And never try to talk to them.

You can only garden between the hours of ten am and four pm. If Any of your neighbours have babies you must cut yout lawn with scissors to avoid ever risk waking them from a nap.

The garden has to be gazed at. Silently and solemnly. You must limit your time out there so as not to make your neighbours uncomfortable. Two x five min slots will be acceptable

And whatever you do. Do not build anything. No shed. No gazebo. No pergola. No pool. It must be maintained and kept tidy with min noise, and have plenty of bee attracting flowers in it. Any frogs should be revered. And any trees must be hugged and loved regularly. Never ever prune them or chop them down. They are for your neighbours pleasure only.

🤣🤣🤣

Brilliant summary

As it was so late and I was very tired I must have forgotten that very important rule about bonfires. Just one very small mistake m'lud.

BONFIRE

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

My neighbour offered to swap some of his white peonies for some of my pink peonies yesterday. Outrageous!

I hope you reported this to 101.

Good god, read & enjoyed this thread all morning and now this ad came up on my feed on Instagram! What will I see ads for next? Spider Willie condoms? Anti-Dark spray for laundry?

Do not offer gifts to your neighbour if they have children, it is a clear signal that you are grooming them (especially if the items are unfashionable).

if your cat strays out of your garden, it is your responsibility to fit razor wire to the top of your fence to prevent it from wandering.

If you have a dog, allowing it to bark in the garden even for a second is a criminal offence.

If you have a girl child, even a baby, never allow them in your garden with their chest exposed.

If your neighbour has an illegal night time party during lockdown, do not report them. They’re just having fun…. But never allow your children to breathe let alone play in the garden for fear of their noise upsetting the neighbours.

Don't make your own water features. Someone on MN made one out of a plastic minge. ( they posted a picture to prove it )

You can get all sorts of gnomes these days .

Do not put out a set of gnomes with your neighbours' faces on them .

Putting your underwear on the washing line-might offend someone's granny!

AnneKipanki What?!!! that's to the water feature AND the gnomes