Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

There was once a fantastic article in Shout that I hung on to for years - it was about school day ‘hacks’. They had make up ideas that wouldn’t be noticed by teachers (they actually worked - concealer, tinted lip balm, clear mascara!) and little tips for different lunches (baked potato wrapped in foil, anyone?) etc.

@Respectmyauthoritah hahahaha, this has absolutely cracked me up- I remember reading the same article and wondering what the chuff would be an appropriate song to hum. This has made my day

How funny I was scrolling tiktok (shoot me) and someone had found an old mag from Sugar when they started doing Sugar Lad Mag and this was part of the magazine, Date Mate or Slate 😂

I loved all of these magazines! Shout was an absolute staple in the late 90s when I was a preteen. Magazines were the only place you could get pictures of your celeb crushes, in the days before social media and google images. I remember poring through mags looking for pics of Leonardo Dicaprio to cut out and add to my collection

And then Mizz, J17, Sugar and More when I was older. Does anyone else remember the More sexy male centrefolds? The girls at school staged a feminist protest using these. We all had A2/A3 sized GCSE art & design folders with clear covers, and the boys would display page 3 photos of topless women or naked ladies in them. The teachers never said a word about it to them, so us girls decided to do it too and put More centrefolds of topless men or men with their bums out in ours. A few teachers tried to tell us off and say it was “inappropriate” and we absolutely raged and said we wouldn’t remove them until the boys had removed theirs. The teachers quickly gave up on the centrefold display issue!

Although they had their issues, all of my sex education came from teen mags. At age 15/16, even though I wasn’t having sex yet, I could tell you the pluses and minuses of condoms, the pill, the coil and injection. I certainly didn’t learn any of that from school or home.

@NotTerfNorCis

Smash Hits and Number One magazine for me. Can't remember anything about the advice, but I remember how they used to take the piss out of Bros for still being in nappies, and I got a letter published slagging off Wet Wet Wet.

No problem page in Smash Hits, just lots of sarcastic humour. All the letters on the letters page were real, our readers were ace.

@Macaronirabbit

Boil and eat a whole cauliflower if you're hungry. It makes a great snack and it's only 25 calories!

Apart from not being appetising , I'm not sure a fart attack afterwards is going to attract the "fit lad you met at the swimming pool" no matter how much clear lippy or dewberry perfume you're wearing!!

I must have read that over 30 years ago and I remember thinking what a stupid idea it was at the time.

Other advice given has already been mentioned about putting vinegar on your hair as a rinse, oatmeal on your face, using sugar to cleanse your pores.

They used to have picture stories as well and I remember a letter from an upset reader saying, 'Why do all your stories have girls who are considered plain but are suddenly stunningly beautiful once they take off their glasses? I wear glasses and I find it very upsetting.'

There was a response as well but I can't remember what it was.

Another thing that was popular at the time was Anne French cleansing milk for skin. My sister used to use it. And two tone lipstick.

90's teen here and I loved magazines. I used to read all of them. Jackie and Hi to begin with then I moved to J17, More, Catch and Mizz then later New Woman (my favourite) and Company.

No-one ever seems to remember Catch but it used to have a nightclub section at the back where they would photograph and interview various clubbers. The questions always were "What are you Drinking?" Where the answer would often be Tia Maria and coke, and "Do you have your eye on anyone?". It all looked impossibly glamourous to 15 year old me. Does anyone else remember this? Xxx

My workmate brought a load of Just 17s into work last week - they are every bit as brilliant as I remembered.

They seem quite fixated on ‘sheath’ use though - I guess it was the 80s. When did we stop saying ‘sheath’ and start saying ‘condoms’?

@Cheeseandlobster

90's teen here and I loved magazines. I used to read all of them. Jackie and Hi to begin with then I moved to J17, More, Catch and Mizz then later New Woman (my favourite) and Company.

No-one ever seems to remember Catch but it used to have a nightclub section at the back where they would photograph and interview various clubbers. The questions always were "What are you Drinking?" Where the answer would often be Tia Maria and coke, and "Do you have your eye on anyone?". It all looked impossibly glamourous to 15 year old me. Does anyone else remember this? Xxx

Ignore the random kisses

@Cheeseandlobster

90's teen here and I loved magazines. I used to read all of them. Jackie and Hi to begin with then I moved to J17, More, Catch and Mizz then later New Woman (my favourite) and Company.

No-one ever seems to remember Catch but it used to have a nightclub section at the back where they would photograph and interview various clubbers. The questions always were "What are you Drinking?" Where the answer would often be Tia Maria and coke, and "Do you have your eye on anyone?". It all looked impossibly glamourous to 15 year old me. Does anyone else remember this? Xxx

Yes!! I remember this section! They used to ask what was in their bags etc as well, and where their outfit was from.

The ‘tip’ that sticks in my mind was one that said to cover your hair in mayonnaise, cover with cling film and leave for an hour. To get shiny hair of course. It was utterly foul and took weeks to get my hair back to normal.

www.theguardian.com/books/2009/sep/05/comics-jackie-jacqueline-wilson

Jackie of Jackie magazine went on to create Tracy Beaker

I had Just17, Mizz and More? (I think!) myself and my four friends would pour over ‘Position of the fortnight’ when 3 of us were still virgins 🤣

I loved them back in the day.

@HappyFourTeeth. I attended one of those VIP day things (god knows why). Found a photo recently of me with male model Steve who must have been about 18 and was clearly uncomfortable having to cuddle 14 year old girls. He was the heartthrob at the time and all my mates adored. Found out that he managed to forge a decent career and is now an actor - Steve John Shephard. Apparently he’s been in Eastenders and other stuff. I still remember him as a gangly but beautiful man of my 14yo dreams.

More late 90s was Minx magazine, where the articles were either about things that were “pants” or encouraging casual sex - with not a mention of possible unwanted pregnancies or STD’s.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED magazines and would save my babysitting earnings to buy My Guy, Catch, More, Just 17, Smash Hits (for New Kids on the Block or Bros posters obviously lol). I was bullied terribly by my so called friend at school and honestly, as cheesy and terrible as they were, they made me feel less alone as a lonely teenager with terrible clothes.

My absolute favourite was the centre spread in Catch that showed girls on nights out from night clubs around the country and aaanything that demonstrated the clothes and make up you needed for going from the office to the club (I was about 15 lmao). Strangely, this issue has not really come up. I also couldn’t get enough of a Day in the Life of a Model features. Oh my poor little younger self lol.

The stupidest hair hack was washing your hair with coke. I’m still not sure what that was meant to achieve. I also followed the common advice to put lemon juice in your hair and sit in the sun for DIY highlights. Surprisingly, it didn’t work on my dark brown hair.

I went to a girls’ school, and we’d all pass around these magazines, learning tips on how to make ourselves more attractive and mysterious to boys. My parents didn’t mind me buying More magazine, so I was a hero, sharing it around the classroom. I remember one article about hairstyles and they had a panel of boys to rate them. Unsurprisingly, they liked the long blonde hair and disliked the short, dyed haircuts. So much stuff about what boys want. Yuck.

I miss magazines though. Phone scrolling just isn’t the same, and you don’t get the free goodies! I used to love the summer issues where you’d get a shit beach bag or flip flops, or you’d get gifts like trashy novels or clumpy mascaras.

I actually think teenagers today miss out not having such an interest in these type of magazines. I got some really good advice about skin care and haircuts etc from just 17 and the problem page was really brilliant. Everything that you wouldn't want your teenagers to google now such as 'what actually is a blow job ?' You'd get really frank and honest answers rather than being linked to some porn site that you'd get if you typed that onto a search engine,
Plus they would have 'real' girls in them it wasn't all filters and kardashians it had to be seen as achievable
I used to love reading my little sisters sugar and bliss when I came home from uni - what was the love story with Dylan on the back page? That was great

Do the kids and teens still have magazines these days? I only just stopped reading them myself a few years back. Was still into Marie Claire, Company, Ok, Red etc...since having a child, I’ve not purchased a single one! I used to love buying a huge stack and leafing through them.

I bought myself a 1984 jackie annual a while back for the nostalgia and it was so funny! The photo stories and problems were all fab but omg, the articles were literally all about boys. What boys think of you, how to handle boys....which was tips on dealing with sex pests bsicslly!

@WeeDangerousSpike

Oh god, I'd forgotten the magazines!

What was the one that was sex obsessed?? I'd borrow a friend's copy or very rarely buy one, read it, and throw it away before I got home so my DM wouldn't see it!

It was awful, really made out that all teenagers were having sex constantly, and you were really uncool and had something wrong with you if you weren't!

Marie Claire!

Hey remember More Mag and position of the fortnight?

I was buying at 13 & 14!

Boys had their porn Mags, girls had More

They always referred to boys as either 'your crush' or 'your steady'.

I loved these magazines. I was a teen in the 90s.

What stands out to me is the smell of them. They often had a smell sample of the latest impulse body spray ...