Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

And only 30p, bargain!

Compared to the messages teenagers are hearing now these mags were quite nurturing 😢

I loved Sugar. I remember reading an issue for the first time when I was about 11 and at a friend’s house, she had an older sister who had hidden a copy under her bed. I felt so grown up.

I remember an article telling you what hair style would suit your face with a really lovely illustration of a pixie cut in one issue, which I took to the hairdressers and ended up with the most disastrous hair and was mistaken for a boy for months afterwards.

I remember these magazines! I used to be addicted to tho spider diagrams that asked questions and made a profound statement about who/what you would be or do later in life.

Oh man, I absolutely love this thread! It has brought back some lovely memories of being a 90's teenager. Loved the free mascaras and concealers with Shout (always without exception Collection 2000). I am so glad I grew up in a simpler time pre social media and got excited about glitter hair mascara rather than you tube contouring videos!

I used to love More magazine and their sex position of the fortnight 😂. There was a lot of shite written in it but some informative stuff too about contraception, periods etc...

DM still has a few magazines from the 70s . One in particular was terrible; had an article from Gary Glitter on his 'ideal girl', complete with himself drawn topless ... and then a further two pages on how to look good on holiday . Including such wisdom as washing your face in the morning dew, avoiding eating any 'stodgy camping food' as might bloat you, watching your weight very closely ('take a critical look in the mirror - are there any fat rolls?') and various other advice that was unbelievably inappopriate ...

I was banned from reading Sugar after my mum read the problem pages and saw that they'd included a diagram of a vulva ... said I didn't need to know what that was

This thread has taken me right back to the 00s. Bliss magazine, cosmo girl, listening to Atomic Kitten and wearing Tommy Girl perfume, wearing anything with fake burberry check and carrying a fake Louis vuitton handbag with my velour trousers. Those were the days!

I can remember buying these mags when I was a teen.
Used to spend my Saturday mornings, reading them in my bed.
Sugar was my favourite- it felt like such a grown up magazine for my 15yr old self.
I can remember an article with Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton as young models and stories of teen pregnancies which seemed super scary.
Anita Naik was the Just 17 legend though

I remember these! Love that photo of the phone wallpapers, really took me back!

I can't remember any articles, but for some reason remember reading 'advice' to never eat potato salad at a party, because it will bloat you

There was some advice in Jackie on dieting:

Boil and eat a whole cauliflower if you're hungry. It makes a great snack and it's only 25 calories!

Oh my goodness this has taken me back! Completely forgot about the sealed sections inside

I think it was Shout that used to recommend going round the shops on Saturday afternoon with a large gang of mates and spending hours trying on clothes in various clothing shops that you had no intention whatsoever of buying. Tremendously entertaining for a gang of giggling 13 year olds but less brilliant for everyone else, who probably did actually want to buy something, stuck in a giant queue for the changing rooms!

They did always make me feel like everyone else was having this amazingly fun filled life of parties and boys. I suppose they reflected the life I actually had at 16..... rather than at 13 though. But by 16, it was all about kerrang, metal hammer and the nme.

I quite liked Marie Claire in my early 20s, but then the articles got harder and harder to find and even then, were thinly disguised adverts.

I was a very ungirly girl, but did enjoy reading mags (this was early to mid 90s). I don't remember any truly awful advice, but I did always feel sorry for those girls you saw now and then writing things like:

'My best friends always borrow my stuff and don't give it back, and they spread rumours about me and then I heard last week one of them had a big party and invited everyone except me' - and even when I was about 12 I was thinking 'They're not really your friends then, are they love?'

Those sorts of letters were why I was determined never to be merely tolerated or allowed to tag along - so why I had no mates really for the first few years of secondary school, though I did find a great bunch after that!

I did also think there should be more advice/articles saying it was OK not to be interested in having boyfriends/relationships - I never was until later and I suspect lots of girls go along with the 'romance' thing while not actually interested but they just think they should do it.

Boil and eat a whole cauliflower if you're hungry. It makes a great snack and it's only 25 calories!

Apart from not being appetising , I'm not sure a fart attack afterwards is going to attract the "fit lad you met at the swimming pool" no matter how much clear lippy or dewberry perfume you're wearing!!

I used to take the words in these mags as gospel truth...which lead me to use some weird things to "condition" my hair. Vinegar. Eggs (god, that was a mess!).

It was only years later, when my friend worked for one of these mags, that I realised the people writing this stuff were just winging it and writing any old shit. I soon realised this was true for most magazines for adult women too, and have been a subscriber to New Scientist ever since!

I used to love Just 17 (I think) My boyfriend and I, who is now DH, used to always try out position of the week 😂 There were some crazy ones.

The best thing about SHOUT magazine is they used to have these really cool “ghost editions” and you use to get this free teen ghost stories book with the mag.

They did always make me feel like everyone else was having this amazingly fun filled life of parties and boys. I suppose they reflected the life I actually had at 16.

You've hit the nail on the head. The teenage version of lifestyle aspiration is being older, so they attract 13 year old readers by writing about them as if they were 16 year olds.

I doubt many 17 year olds were reading 'Just Seventeen' but it was hugely popular with 14 year olds.

My DD was a teenager early 2000s. She didn’t buy the mags but got some from a friend. I had a peek at problem page and there was info about blow jobs 😳. She is now a science teacher 👩‍🏫 who does sex education.

I remember one of the sex tips from More was to hum while giving a blowjob. Apparently the vibrations from your throat would 'enhance his pleasure'. To this day, when I picture some poor women giving an enthusiastic blowjob that sounds like a swarm of bees it still gives me the giggles!

Which was the one where you sent in pics of your boyfriends bum? A whole page of spotty teenagers arses if I remember

There was also one with a Super problem page where you had a 'chat' (about 4 questions) with a 'therapist'. There was one where this girl hadnt enjoyed her first time having sex, after the allotated 4 questions it was deduced that she must be a lesbian. Her reaction was something like 'oh I didnt realise thanks for explaining '
This was the 90s

Smash Hits and Number One magazine for me. Can't remember anything about the advice, but I remember how they used to take the piss out of Bros for still being in nappies, and I got a letter published slagging off Wet Wet Wet.

My best friend at school( still my bf) told me you couldn't get pregnant the first time you had sex. She knew this because she read it in a bloody stupid magazine. I found out it wasn't true when dd1 arrived.
We still laugh about it now anytime she mentions something that she has seen in a magazine.