Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

@Usernamerequired

More magazine taught me all my best sex moves. “Although its called a blow job-suck don’t blow!!” sticks in my mind 😂

Oh More magazine was my next move up after reading J17 for years! Used to love that mag!

To be honest they gave me most of my sex advice. My mums advice was ‘I was pure until
my wedding night and hope you will be too!’ She also said she hated it. I couldn’t go to her for advice and there was limited internet help. She was really good about periods etc though.

J17 was boss. It was the only one that had personality and I loved the artwork for the horoscopes.

@BashfulClam I can't say I ever did, or would have wanted, to go to my mum for sex advice tbh!

Ahh, the memories!

Buying J17 (on a Wednesday, IIRC) at the newsagents round the corner then us all crowding round to read the problem page on the school coach particularly sticks in my mind. As does the articles: things that were cool/not cool (was dead chuffed one week when there was a seaweed bubble bath from Boots deemed 'cool' and it was the very one I was using as I read J17 in the bath

Lots of the articles were how to attract boys (an awful lot of being mysterious, changing your look etc) and how to behave - I particularly remember an etiquette article saying that you shouldn't pull up your tights in public but you should remember to cross your legs slightly as you walked to a) make legs look thinner and b) give you an attractive wiggle as you walked.

Then there were the horoscopes, the quizzes ("I'm a B, which means I'm normal, rather than a psychopathic A or a square C!") and the freebies. One was a velvet choker which was quite the thing to go with our mood rings and Rimmel Black Cherry lipstick (held in place with Lipcote, which stung like fuck)...

Also used to read Mizz (which was full of arty black and white photos of men with their tops off, staring soulfully into the middle distance/out of a window), Smash Hits (which was bloody brilliant and I loved for its sarcasm even if 12 year old moralistic me was somewhat scandalised at a "How to be cool" article which suggested you should never let on that you only smoked Silk Cut and not Marlboros) and More (I don't remember anything about it other than position of the fortnight, involving a naked Barbie and Ken-style figurines doing something improbable).

Then I graduated onto Minx (which I bloody loved), New Woman and Marie Claire. Minx disappeared after a few years and the others just got rubbish and eventually disappeared too. Nowadays it's more Horse & Hound, Vogue or The Economist

One was a velvet choker which was quite the thing to go with our mood rings and Rimmel Black Cherry lipstick (held in place with Lipcote, which stung like fuck)...

Lipcote! I had entirely forgotten about that. It was clearly toxic, the second you applied it the skin on your lips crackled and chapped. I had an orange scented glitter lip gloss in a rollerball applicator that I got from one of those magazines and it was my favourite thing ever. My hair was constantly stuck to my lips for around 4 years, but that was the fashion in those days.

Yes to the seemingly mandatory holiday romances. Inspired (forced?) by these magazines I actually did have a small holiday romance when I was 13. He had hair in brown curtains, was from Hartlepool and I met him at the animatronic singing bear show at Flamingoland. Our younger siblings looked on in horror awe as we held hands around the arcade and kissed behind the campsite toilet block. I felt like I had truly arrived as a woman.

@BrightYellowDaffodil

Ahh, the memories!

Buying J17 (on a Wednesday, IIRC) at the newsagents round the corner then us all crowding round to read the problem page on the school coach particularly sticks in my mind. As does the articles: things that were cool/not cool (was dead chuffed one week when there was a seaweed bubble bath from Boots deemed 'cool' and it was the very one I was using as I read J17 in the bath

Lots of the articles were how to attract boys (an awful lot of being mysterious, changing your look etc) and how to behave - I particularly remember an etiquette article saying that you shouldn't pull up your tights in public but you should remember to cross your legs slightly as you walked to a) make legs look thinner and b) give you an attractive wiggle as you walked.

Then there were the horoscopes, the quizzes ("I'm a B, which means I'm normal, rather than a psychopathic A or a square C!") and the freebies. One was a velvet choker which was quite the thing to go with our mood rings and Rimmel Black Cherry lipstick (held in place with Lipcote, which stung like fuck)...

Also used to read Mizz (which was full of arty black and white photos of men with their tops off, staring soulfully into the middle distance/out of a window), Smash Hits (which was bloody brilliant and I loved for its sarcasm even if 12 year old moralistic me was somewhat scandalised at a "How to be cool" article which suggested you should never let on that you only smoked Silk Cut and not Marlboros) and More (I don't remember anything about it other than position of the fortnight, involving a naked Barbie and Ken-style figurines doing something improbable).

Then I graduated onto Minx (which I bloody loved), New Woman and Marie Claire. Minx disappeared after a few years and the others just got rubbish and eventually disappeared too. Nowadays it's more Horse & Hound, Vogue or The Economist

Oh my god, chokers, mood rings and Lipcote. There’s some teenage memories there! Ah I miss the 90’s

Smash Hits I used to love because I would collect the songbooks out of them and learn all the words to my favourite songs! I kept those songbooks for years! Plus I was a huge Take That fan and they regularly had pictures or posters of them in there. Half my posters in my room came from Smash Hits!

Animatronic singing bear show at Flamingoland??

My God I want to go there now! I've missed out! 😆

I still own and use a small purple mirror I got free with Shout magazine. I've been using it as my eyebrow plucking mirror for more than 20 years!

I didn't get and am very jealous of the poster who got a free velvet choker. My most memorable freebie was a sample of Bonne Bell 10-O-6 lotion, that bright orange stuff that smelled of pure alcohol and burned your skin.

I do remember one thing about teen mags ( Jackie , Blue Jeans ) .
I was maybe about 12 13 . The problem pages where a girl would write saying she had feelings for her friend , or fancied them .
The Agony aunt would say most girls go through this and it is just a phase .
I used to think I have never felt like that , odd .
Only now I can look back and think Section 28 .
Those poor girls seeking help and being told its a phase .

The mags back then were mainly based around getting a boyf, looking good and being 'cool' but they were fantastic. Despite the infamous 'position of the fortnight' in The Mizz, there was an kind of innocence about them. The readership was youngngirls who would giggle over them together, dreaming of having a boyfriend not various shenanigans. Now, when sadly you can see A LOT worse than Barbie and Ken set up in a sexual position in just a few clicks of a button, it makes me wish we still had that innocence.

I used to love More! Although it did make me think everyone but me was shagging all the time - age 13
I remember reading an article on why Christmas Day is great and one thing always stuck in my mind - Christmas Day is the only day of the year when you don't have to wash your hair because you won't bump into your crush

This thread has made me very nostalgic for the 90s. Going to the shopping centre for Smash Hits or More and calling into Boots for Sun In or maybe some of these cool bath pearls!

Blimey, I remember bath pearls. We always gave them to each other, along with shaped soaps, for Christmas. ‘Course, if you had a bit more cash you’d be stocking up on Body Shop Dewberry or Fuzzy Peach stuff. Or Boots World Collection.

The problem with bath pearls was the little slimy pearl case that lurked at the bottom of the bath

Ooh yes pick and mix bath pearls!!! You could get them from Boots. Shaped like a dolphin or a sun

oh wow I'd completely forgotten about bath pearls!

Bath pearls! I'd forgotten about them.
I used to buy J17 when I was 14 at the newsagents on the way to school. We'd all gather round and read the problem page first. I remember Girl too. There used to be a little bookshop locally growing up and I once bought about 15 back copies of girl in there. I was so pleased! I already collect Jackie Annuals, I have done for a few years and only need to get about 5 more to complete the collection. As a direct result of this thread, I have decided to collect all the Blue Jeans annuals next. It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories? I think it cost 20p! It Came out on a Saturday in the days when you would reserve magazines and comics at your local newsagents.

Bath pearls, releasing a sickly perfume oil into the water and then leaving a slimy little skin behind...

All these memories. I vividly remember going to get my braces tightened when I was 11 and my mother as a special treat got me a copy of Just 17. I was traumatised by it and asked her to not purchase it again. However I loved Jackie magazine, and in particular the Xmas albums and had a fantastic collection all from the charity shops that I was obsessed with. Sadly my parents did not agree that my album collection would be worth millions in the future and put them in the skip-They had such a distinctive smell.

Smart Girls Get More

I diligently wrote a story into J17 I think for the fiction pages. It was about a girl and a dog. I got a reply saying it was a good story but not quite what readers were into with some hints and tips on the type of story. Romance basically. Didn't write back as I couldn't get over the fact they didn't print stories about dogs be bothered.

To my regret I got offered work experience at Bliss (I hand wrote to them all) but turned it down because I had to revise for my GCSEs!!

It was position of the fortnight 😂 More was fortnightly.

I'd love to read a copy of one- I'll bet they have them on ebay.

It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories?

Mandy!

I remember my best friend and I having a vicious fight to decide which one of us would be White Musk and which one of us would be Dewberry. For some reason we were very strict that we each had to pick one and stick just to that one.

I got "lost" and had to wear Dewberry but I actually like Dewberry!

Do you remember how Just 17 invented and popularised "boyf" and "girlf"?

@SmidgenofaPigeon

No I remember Cathy!!! She had dark curly hair and a lime green silk shirt and a stern but kindly expression!

That was Cathy Cassidy, who's now a children's author ✍️

@BrightYellowDaffodil

Blimey, I remember bath pearls. We always gave them to each other, along with shaped soaps, for Christmas. ‘Course, if you had a bit more cash you’d be stocking up on Body Shop Dewberry or Fuzzy Peach stuff. Or Boots World Collection.

The problem with bath pearls was the little slimy pearl case that lurked at the bottom of the bath

Don’t forget the Body Shop White Musk!!

@PurpleCrocuses

It's a bit off thread but I remember getting a comic when I was about 11. It was like a sort of newspaper type paper but an an actual comic. I think it was called a girls name beginning with M and had non romantic photo type stories?

Mandy!

Ooh I want to read the story in this! "Teacher trouble in 'Slave to Love" whaaat