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Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
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31
Tiggytico · 28/02/2021 23:41

I used to read Girl magazine and also had the "annual" in 1988. One of the features was about "how to lose weight in '88". One of the tips were that if you were on the heavier side you should weigh naked in the morning and if you were on the lighter side you should weigh fully dressed in the evening; worst part was it mentioned that you were more likely able to keep your friends this way?!?! WTF?

I'm going to blame that feature on my years of forever being on a diet.

Lollypop4 · 28/02/2021 23:49

Girl Talk, shout and Mizz.
I remember the advice was ' Practice kissing the back of your hand'😂

theuncles · 28/02/2021 23:58

@InglouriousBasterd

I think I’d actually kill to re-read a copy of Sugar or Bliss or More or Mizz from the 90s. I have so many fond memories Grin when I look back, they were largely inappropriate but god, I loved them at the time.
Ha ha, I think you can buy old copies on ebay.......
theuncles · 01/03/2021 00:04

My friends and I were avid 'Jackie' readers from 1975 to 1980. Someone recently gave me an old copy from Feb '75 (David Essex valentine edition - swoon) - but I can't read any of the print! I know my eyesight isn't the best but even with my middle aged varifocals I struggle to read any of it!

I'm sure the content is hilarious and probably very dated and full of blue eye-shadow, but I'll never know......Grin.

Hm2020 · 01/03/2021 00:58

There’s a website called becoming a teen with agony aunt after reading this thread I had a look to see if the advise has got better it seems it’s even worse now look at this gem

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
Furries · 01/03/2021 01:09

Early naughtiest?! Now I feel old!

My teen mags were in the eighties. Obviously no internet to search, so that’s my excuse. The one piece that has stuck in my head all these years was one on looking after your hair. The article said to finger-dry your hair before styling/drying with a brush. I can remember sitting in my room for aaaages combing my wet hair with my fingers, thinking that the heat from my hands was what they meant!

Ballstothis148 · 01/03/2021 01:11

Does anyone remember clear mascara? They used to make it seem really good! And white eyeliner... there used to be a fab magazine called Elle Girl and it was the best, they stopped it and don’t know why :( it was dreamy

grassisjeweled · 01/03/2021 01:13

The article said to finger-dry your hair before styling/drying with a brush. I can remember sitting in my room for aaaages combing my wet hair with my fingers, thinking that the heat from my hands was what they meant!

^^😂😂😂😂

Ballstothis148 · 01/03/2021 01:15

To be honest though... I mean look at Grazia. Their articles are the same... “are you feeling GUILTY about being a [SAHM] [working mum]” on and on... “how to diet/ how to celebrate curves (and FYI we don’t use “curves” aka normality with our models who are 13)”, “how to live off beetroot juice alone”, “how to embrace comfort food in august”, articles on how ppl feel their friends are richer/ articles on how to holiday in Maldives.... almost makes me miss Mizz:)

Mockolate · 01/03/2021 01:15

@furries

Early naughtiest?! Now I feel old!
My teen mags were in the eighties

Same lol, my teen mags were late 80s/ beginning of 90s.
Noughties I'll have been in my twenties, I'm in denial at this thread

groovergirl · 01/03/2021 01:30

Are there any Australians here who remember Dolly? Killed by the internet in 2016, alas, but what a godsend it was to those of us who grew up in the '70s and '80s when there was almost no sex ed in schools and no Dr Google either!

Lunar2020 · 01/03/2021 01:53

I actually have a photo of me and some of my friends at school in our form room, AND I’m holding a copy of J17! It would have been around 1994 time.

I also met Nick Fisher (who did the problem pages) quite a few times, really nice caring chap and encouraged my career in journalism.

I remember when I was about 14 I sent a photo of my then boyfriend to one of those mags (can’t remember which one) saying how lush he was, they printed it and he was mortified but his Mum thought it was fabulous her boy was in a National girls magazine as a hunk 🤣🤣🤣

Lupinhere37 · 01/03/2021 03:28

This is the best thread in agesGrin. I have been transported back in time to the newsagent near to my house; the owner was very strict and was annoyed by most of the kids but she’d always let me browse the magazines.
I remember the excitement of graduating in stages; Twinkle, Bunty, Jackie, Just Seventeen, More. I especially remember how grown up I felt when my mum let me move from Bunty to Jackie.
Oh; the thrill of a free clear lipgloss. And the suspense of waiting until next week for the cartoon stories to play out.
Happy days. So much more gratifying than bloody Snapchat or Tiktok. I actually think my DD has missed a rite of passageGrin

Graciebobcat · 01/03/2021 03:37

I used to enjoy Just 17 and then moved onto Cosmo/More in my late teens and 20s. But by the time I was 21 I realised women's/teen beauty magazines were all just there to make you insecure and buy stuff, and stopped reading them.

Bodynegative · 01/03/2021 09:36

@BertieBotts, "fried eggs" was a common insult in our area. I remember being called it in the late 70s by a particular older boy I was trying to impress. I also remember when I was running a girls group in the 90s doing a workshop where we all made life size collage self portraits; one of the girls put pictures of fried eggs where her breasts should have been as that was what lads shouted at her. It was definitely a bit of a thing where I lived.

HeirToTheIronThrone · 01/03/2021 09:48

If you have Instagram, there is an account that posts things from original 90s teen magazines, I love it: www.instagram.com/90steenmagazinearchiveuk/

starfish88 · 01/03/2021 09:59

As well as the egg in hair mess I read that you should rub mashed banana in your hair. I have no idea what it was meant to do but it was incredibly difficult to get out even after repeatedly washing it.

Some friends sent in a fake problem to the problem page saying 'I used a Tesco bag instead of a condom with my boyfriend, could I be pregnant?' I'm not sure if it ever got published but none of them had done more than kissed a boy at that point, and probably not for several more years either.

CherryValanc · 01/03/2021 09:59

Randomly I've just read that Victoria Coren-Mitchell had a short story published in Just Seventeen - under a pseudonym.

(I say randomly because I have just realised she's married to David Mitchell and was having wtf-moment and looking her up.)

Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/03/2021 10:00

I put porridge in my hair thinking it would be the same as an oatmeal masque Blush

OP posts:
Emmelina · 01/03/2021 10:17

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I put porridge in my hair thinking it would be the same as an oatmeal masque Blush
I did that too. Of course, a masque you leave on for as long as you can... porridge sets hard. Had to soak it off. Oh to be 13 again Blush
Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/03/2021 10:18

I actually had to have a day off school for that while my mum attempted to remove the crusted on oats and milk from my hair BlushGrin

OP posts:
Graciebobcat · 01/03/2021 10:19

I've love to have fried egg boobs now instead of a couple of E cup galia melons.

letsgomaths · 01/03/2021 10:31

I loved J-17, and Nick Fisher's replies to the problem pages: he had far more no-nonsense ideas. He'd write "every year, I receive requests for detailed information about how you're supposed to do French kissing. There is no right way." (However, lots of other articles would provide said detailed information.) He also advocated boys having feelings.

All those magazines showed girls and women appearing to wear trainers without socks, so I did so too. Nothing was said about trainer liners in those days - I thought they were for wimps. Wink

MedusasBadHairDay · 01/03/2021 10:52

So many memories on this thread!

There really were a lot of sex obsessed ones weren't there? I remember a copy of one magazine got passed around all the girls in the year group because there was a bit on a problem page talking about how to learn to give a blow job by practising in a banana.

I also remember getting a free tube of lime green glitter, kind of in the form of a lipstick but you were meant to use it all over your face/body. I spent one summer basically covered in lime green glitter - on my lips, cheeks, arms, eyelids.. it matched my lime green platform trainers perfectly, but I think I skipped green for my mascara and went with the ever popular blue instead 😂

user2021 · 01/03/2021 10:56

Brilliant thread 😂 So many memories!