If oyu name si Linda you are an admin perosn at a hospital

[coddy]

if your name is MIke you are somehing techy

Mrs Webber doesn't have a first name. Well not that many people use. She believes in keeping a distance - especially in her line of work. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that. She has five winter outfits and five summer outfits that she rotates on a daily basis. She did hear someone snigger that "it must be Tuesday because Mrs Webber is in green tweed" but she chose to ignore that childish comment, after all, it had come from Dan the PE assistant.

The funny thing is Mrs Webber isn't married. Actually she is Miss Geraldine Webber but somewhere back in the mists of time class 5W gradually changed Miss to Mrs and she has never corrected it. She is not sure that she would like to be a Mrs - men and all their idiosyncracies and smells - but somehow it makes her more human to be a Mrs.

Geraldine can cook up a storming curry. For one.

Did anyone mention Maureen is having an affair with Pat the Postman. She has many special deliveries.

Barry is a school caretaker at a secondary, he is in his mid-thirties and is balding rapidly. He lives with his Mum, Pauline, who does lots of good work with the church. The girls at school tease Barry relentlessly. He tries to hide his erections with his mop handle.

Terry is a 50-something window cleaner. He is a bachelor and lives alone in his one bed flat. He collects football match programmes from the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Daphne Amory - Blunt likes dogs ( 5 - all bitches) tweed and stout walking shoes.

She was "disappointed in love" in 1947 and remained at home living off the small trust fund with Mummy and Daddy.

There was the most awful stink in 1951 when Daddy made some very unwise investment choices and they had to sell the Big House and move in to the Lodge - where Daphne and the bitches have remained ever since.

Mrs Hopkins at the village shop has told her that Carl and Julian ( who have bought The Laurels)are Gay ........ " Well of course they are dear - Gay and Bright have you seen how Julian has brought the Shrubbery back to life?? - now 1lb of the best back bacon, milk and Bread - and pop in some lambs liver for my girls please - and have Darren deliver"

Daphne hasn't paid her account at the village store since 1996.

She walks the bitches back to the Lodge, Carl stands transfixed in horror as 17st of canine cannonball hurtles towards his Armani clad crotch - "Don't mind Bess dear - she's just being friendly" Daphne beams - as Bess drools over Carl - who is now getting the full effect of Bess's halitosis.

Daphne would like to invite Carl and Julian over to the lodge for a sherry one evening but once the dogs are settled in the armchairs and sofa's there's not much room. She decides she'll wait til the weather is better then they can have Pimms in the garden while she pins Julian down to what exactly he feeds the Hebes.

She makes the bitches Liver and Potato.

She has a bacon sarnie.

Diggory is a vet. He's 6ft with thick brown hair, dark pools for eyes and 'capable' hands. He's utterly charming and all the women in the village have a crush on him.

Diggory has a secret.

Yes!!!! Diggory murdered Saltires dog!!!

FGS, this thread is taking over my life! I'm even thinking about it when I'm driving the car! I've just read through, and realised I'd missed the post about Bob and Lindy. It gave me a lump in my throat Perhaps DH is right, I do need to get a job.

Magenta's best friend is Hannah. She has a fashionable asymmetrical haircut and works in a record shop. She spends most of her wages in Claire's Accessories, and ashamed of the fact that her parents own a seven-bedroom house with 10 acres of land, a paddock and an ornamental lake. She told Magenta she grew up on a council estate and doesn't know who her dad is...

Nobody calls Mary by her name anymore. She likes being called Mum, Granny, and Great Granny, but she wishes that her sister was still alive.

Suneeta is devastatingly beautiful, slender and tall, with glossy long black hair, glowing smooth cappuccino coloured skin, and always a smile upon her face. One of the most intelligent people in her class and as her parents are both doctors they have high hopes that she too will become a doctor one day and marry a suitable educated boy of their choice.

Little do they know of Suneeta?s passionate love for Darren, the young strikingly handsome man who tends to the family 10 acre garden, in beautiful Oxford. They plan to elope as soon as Suneeta finishes her studies. They will live with Darren?s granddad in his one bedroom flat, along with his dog, until Darren completes his course in ju-jitsu and then he will open his own business, where Suneeta can work on reception.

Suneeta has a dumpy, less intelligent and less pretty younger sister named Sushma, who her parents constantly nag, belittle and compare to Suneeta.

However, despite her parents trying in vain to marry her off to a series of gawky cousins and sons of friends, she will keep her head down at school, do unexpectedly well in her A-levels, slog through medicine at Oxford whilst living at home, qualify in an obscure speciality like nephrology and eventually snare a tall, handsome cardiac surgeon named Vijay from an extremely nice family.
Her in-laws adore her and bankroll a colossal wedding.
Her parents will be slightly baffled at all this and persist in thinking of Suneeta as the good one, despite her relationship with Darren.
Meanwhile they are pinning their hopes on Suresh, their youngest and the only son. He is a fat spoilt teenager whose only ambition is to make enough money to buy a Mercedes like his disreputable uncle Sajeev.
Nonetheless is in complete awe of Vijay and dotes on his Sushma's new baby Neeraja. He buys her toys online so his mates don't find out.

Tristram is a good looking, dark curly haired well built history teacher at a girl's school. Mummies love his parent's evening chats, where he leans forward to confide in them, just brushing their knee.

The staff room is a hotbed of HRT and lustful looks when Tristram's around, with even the PE teacher, a lesbian for many years, occasionally wonders what and if...

Mrs Webber quite likes Tristram too

Tristram is the only member of staff Mrs Webber does not make a remark to when he has borrowed her mug and not washed it up.

In the staff room, particularly on rainy break times, Tristram can sit wherever he likes - throwing to the wind the long established sofa/chair/stool hierarchy that has existed in the staff room.

Luckily none of them know that Tristram is gay.
He lives with an architect called Cathal in Kensal Green.
None of Cathal's friends or colleagues know he's gay either, though his mam Kathleen has known for years.
She wasn't at all shocked - she'd got over the fact he'd never be a priest years ago and is just happy he still comes over to see her despite his London job.

Sophie was a lawyer but left to marry Jonathan who is 'something in the city'. She has 4 children and a strangely shiny face.

Kai was a drop out druggie at school but has suprised all around him by becoming a successful venture capitalist. He drives a hybrid Lexus to ease his conscience, and is in a civil partnership with Millie who is a campaigns manager with Amnesty International.

They are GREAT friends with Cathal and Tristram, being one of the few other couples to know that Cathal and Tristram are more than just friends.

Clare is part of the 8B "set". They go everywhere together - Starbucks, Lush and they are all invited to Matt's party on Saturday night. Matt's parents have a really big house and are really relaxed. Matt has sex with his girlfriends in their house whilst they are there and they know. Matt is going to dress up and act like Pete Docherty for his party. Clare is in awe of all of this. Her parents aren't that keen that she goes to a mixed school.

...

On Sunday morning Clare really can't face getting up. She feels trampled and torn. It wasn't just the fact that she had to leave the party when her dad turned up to collect her (why did he have to come to the door and announce "I'm Clare's father) or that Matt gave her a weird smile when she presented the (half full)bottle of Dubonnet filched from her parents drinks cabinet. It wasn't that Dan - who she quite fancies in 6th form called her muffin top.

It was a realisation that her friends were not her friends. It was immediately apparent on arrival at the party they had all been drinking before - but had not invited her. It was obvious they had all been at Beck's house to get ready before hand.

It was the fact that they had all dressed up as Amy Winehouse and hadn't included her. She was there in her jeans and a top from Primark.

Patricia does not really understand much of modern life.

She has been on an interweb starter course at the library but it was tricky because she had to keep changing her glasses when looking from keyboard to screen.

Keith is in IT but hates the word 'analyst' as it makes him remember his mental breakdown when he was 15. He has a friend called Gavin who has recently done a Landmark course and a wife called Lucy. Lucy works in Forbidden Planet and likes modern jazz. They often go to the farmers market and buy unusual cheeses.

Poor clare

Joanne always wanted to be a writer, but never thought she would. One day she came up with an idea for a kids book. Tonight she will make even more money that will make her the richest woman in the UK. Sometimes she can't believe her luck

Joanne spent her early years reading books such as 'The Worst Witch', 'The Secret of Platform 13', and stories of greek mythology.
They really made an impression upon her.