Next door are having a massive fight about google

[GingerFrogs]

Screaming and shouting and swearing.

Something about "your not even fucking signed into google"

Walls are really thin.

What's the strangest fight you've heard?

I was once walking back to someones house with some friends, there was a couple walking behind us arguing in that low key reasonable I'm not happy kind of tone of voice. We were vaguely listening in, ready to all agree that the woman was being totally reasonable and the man was being an arse, fully expecting something like "you were ignoring me all evening" or "you need to start doing your share of the dishes".

It quickly became apparent that she was insisting that he CUT HIS PENIS with a knife in some kind of "showing your devotion to the lord with blood" thing, and that this was only their second date. She seemed baffled that he wouldn't do this to show his devotion, he was very reasonably explaining that in fact he wouldn't be doing that, culminating in a beautifully humdrum "I think I'll give it a swerve". We actually started walking slower to try and stretch out the time we could listen because it was so unbelievable, they eventually unfairly ruined our cunning plan by overtaking us and walking off.

We still randomly use "I think I'll give it a swerve" sometimes.

Some years ago I was travelling home on the train after work. Very quiet carriage - most people were reading or dozing. Suddenly two men at the end of the carriage leapt up out of their seats and started throwing punches at each other. Other passengers intervened, but I think it was the man who shouted "Gentlemen please" which stopped them. Someone pulled the emergency cord and stopped the train.

It turned out that they had been having a passive aggressive disagreement about who got to put their arm on the armrest between their seats. A bit of elbow shoving had clearly got out of hand.

They were middle aged men, not children.

Hopping, that’s hilarious. My OH and I have had some ridiculous disagreements like that.

Not an argument so off-topic, But was a funny thing to overhear. I overheard DD when she was about 7 or 8 asking our twenty-something next-door neighbour:

‘Do you mind if I call you dad?’
Him: ‘Er yeah, I do a bit’

NB: DD already has a very nice dad who lives with us and always has done. Obviously just felt she wanted a spare one. 😆

Years ago when DD was a baby and I was on maternity leave I was telling DH a rather dull story about how it had started raining as I was coming home and I had had to stop outside the hairdressers near our house to put the rain cover on the pram.

DH denied the existence of the hairdressers. I insisted there was one. He insisted there wasn't. He finished the discussion confidently with "I walk past there every single day and I can assure you that there isn't a hairdressers there."

I was sleep deprived and gave up the argument with him, because I doubted myself in the face of his absolute certainty that there was no hairdressers there.

For the last 10 years I've taken great pleasure in pointing out the hairdressers that has been there ever since we moved here - the one just round the corner from our house that he hadn't noticed even though he walked past it every day.

Oh I have another. This one rumbles on because I am mean.
I used to walk home from work every day. Took about 45 minutes and a lot is uphill. (Used to walk to work too)
This particular day I text DP when I was about a mile away, and said am outside Tesco, 15 minutes til I am home.
All is well, dinner is on blah blah.
It took me 17 minutes to walk home and when I got in he said as a joke thought you were only outside Tesco, that's not far what took so long.
Well readers, I did not take to this "joke" and told DP it's a mile away, you go walk it! He denied it was a mile away, so I googled and told him it's. 9 of a mile away.
Still didn't believe me, so I made him walk to it, take a picture on his phone and walk back. 40 minutes later. I won.
I still ask him how far fooking Tesco is.

Christmas Day 2003. I stormed out of the house and marched down the road and off into rural North Yorkshire because dh wasn’t playing Lord of the Rings Risk boardgame properly.

“Where are you going?”
“AWAY FROM YOU YOU BASTARD, YOU KILLED ALL MY ELVES.”
“But that's the whole point of the game!”
“NOT ON CHRISTMAS DAY IT ISNT! ON CHRISTMAS DAY YOU PLAY TO WIN NOT TO DESTROY”
“But...”
“WHY COULDNT YOU JUST PLAY RISK NICELY FOR ONCE IN YOUR BLOODY LIFE.”

People staring out of the pub window watching a heavily pregnant woman marching thorough the village shouting at her husband about killing her elf armies.

He had to get in the car to come get me.

A few weeks ago, I overheard a couple having one of those under-the-breath, gritted teeth arguments about how wrong it was to have quail instead of turkey for Xmas dinner.

Later on, I saw the man (who wanted turkey) sitting the car on his own in the passenger seat while the woman was still at the check-outs

@StormTreader

It quickly became apparent that she was insisting that he CUT HIS PENIS with a knife in some kind of "showing your devotion to the lord with blood" thing, and that this was only their second date

Oh god, I actually laughed out loud at that.

My new gate btw (the one that's a thousand and nine miles wide) is still in my hallway. I'd hang it myself but he's hidden the hinges.

I was chatting to DH about making some chocolate fridge cake. Later we were making a food shopping list and Dh turned to me and said 'Don't forget to buy the Baileys to put in the cake'

I've never put Baileys in the cake before but thought it was a great idea so told him so.

DH spent the next hour arguing that he would never have thought of that by himself and I must have told him about it.

I'm sure our neighbours heard me practically scream at him "Why won't you accept you had a good idea for once and stop trying to get out of it"

@ScribblyGum I completely understand. It’s not just about winning, it’s how you play. At least you were playing against each other, DH was on my team when I kicked off.
Just for fun I asked if he fancied a game of trivial pursuit this evening, not if I’m playing apparently.

At the weekend dh asked me if I wanted a sandwich from the sandwich shop. No I said because I have stuff in the fridge.

He went and got himself his sandwich AND cake and crisps. He got me NOTHING because I said I have stuff. I had stuff for a sandwich I didn’t have cake or crisps.

We really fell out over that.

@Flashingbeacon, we’ve never played it again to this day. Risk is now banned in this house. Hateful game.

@ScribblyGum just been given a few sideways glances by my fellow commuters as I quietly shook with laughter and tears streamed down my face. My jaw hurts from the ridiculous smile too.

I feel Like I was actually there and am 100% on your side. Not at Christmas!

I had a shouting match with my OH about whether dogs should be on-lead or off-lead when we were walking through a field of cows.

Needless to say, we don't own a dog.

(It's OFF-lead by the way, because the cows will chase the dog and it can run faster than we can).

Having just posted on the 'getting lost in confusing buildings' thread, I've just remembered a huge argument that DP and I had in the Croydon Ikea. He suddenly went off the 'yellow-brick-road'; that was bad enough, but he'd done it so we/I missed the lighting/candles/kitchen department. I was livid - but he knows that I have an unhealthy obsession with lights and candles - I think he'd done it deliberately to divert me, but by the time I'd worked it out and returned to the yellow-brick-road I was yelling at him

Me and, DH have an ongoing argument about the word lukewarm. He insists it's loowarm
The dictionary and later Google has did nothing to convince him he's wrong.
We also have an argument about what song is going to be played at his funeral. He wants the live version of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.
I'm refusing because its about 10 minutes long and I can't expect mourners to sit that long listening to a song they might not even like.
I reckon an edited version of the album version would do, maybe a couple of minutes.
He stopped speaking to me when I suggested the Scissor Sisters version.

Loowarm 😂😂

IdahoCrow I’m now getting evils from the dog because I proper laughed out loud at that and woke him up.

Me and DH had a fight over a cafetière once.

"loowarm"

A bit like Joey's "moo point" in Friends?!

Walking up the path to my best friend's house before a small party they were hosting, I heard her scream at her partner, "WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR FANCY PANTS WIENERS AND GET IN THE FUCKING BIN", followed by a loud metal clang and some incomprehensible shouting.

Turns out they were arguing about small sausages, her insisting they were called Cocktail Sausages (quote: "Why would they put a fucking cocktail stick in them then") and him wrongly insisting on calling them Wieners. When I suggested a middle ground by calling them Mini Sausages, it was met with death glares from both of them

YOU KILLED ALL MY ELVES!

I'm ashamed to admit he thought it was moo point too

If anyone on here hear me bellowing 'Break the humous embargo at your peril!' to my husband the other day, I promise I am more reasonable than I sound...