People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Not sure what kind of bush really I'm not green fingered in the least but it looks like this - it's mostly covered in that twisty windy weed stuff and I can't see through which I think is a blessing really considering what my eyes could be witnessing on the reg

I must be getting old, all I can think of is "how scratchy".

It's the 7 year itch

A hedge sounds terribly uncomfortable...

My first encounter with outdoor shaggers: as a teen I was out walking with my DB in bright daylight, taking a little short-cut through a slightly wooded bush. We literally stumbled into a couple having sex in the undergrowth. They were on the path. We stepped over them. They didn't seem to notice. Neither me or DB ever talked about it.

OP the line where you suggested just sticking your arms through the hedge made me proper giggle

OK so here’s what you need to do.

Buy one of those remote control doorbells.

Instead of putting the speaker part in your house, put it in the hedge.

Keep the button with you. Press on it at the appropriate moment......

I'm actually getting quite nostalgic for the days of hedge-shagging

(those were days I never had but now I'm feeling like I missed out)

OP I think you have a big shaggy overgrown beech hedge. It's not very clear from the picture but I think it's a beech

Definitely needs trimming

If you don't have a hose, I'd definitely use a water pistol.

Hedge shagging is a no-no these days. The hedges need to consent first!

Stick your arm through the hedge and fondle him... when he asks what the heck you're doing, just tell him you're confirming the rumour - there's an under-growth by the hedges.

Do you know the local gossip, shop keeper could discreetly mention about these people have sex in your hedge and their poor performance and see how quick it goes around the area.

Get a remote control fart machine and put it in the hedge.

Maybe the lady's called Elisabeth...

He's hedging his Bet

Rebecca I vote for Lego Batman. He has a great voice. 😆

More like Legover Batman!

My Lego Batman voice is actually excellent

Bucket of water your side of the hedge. Leave for a few days so you get some eggs laid. They'll soon stop once they find the mosquitos are getting a bit...personal.

Brings a whole new meaning to unzipping his flies!

Legover Batman 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Brilliant!!

Buy a cheap walkie talkie set, hide one handset in the hedge, when the groany noises start join in and say you want a finger up the bum too.

OP, you mentioned that you think they live nearby but separately. Do you think that they actually have partners? If so, maybe you can find out his name and the next time they’re in your bush, just yell “Mrs Xy, your husband’s in my bush”

is there poison ivy in your part of the world

Itching powder. Lots of it!

They don't need itching powder, they're already being a little rash!

Stink bomb each time they try? Unless they like that...