People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

This is complete speculation but I figure they both live in the nearby flats but not together coz you can hear the door go after the job is done and then the same door a couple of minutes later - in my mind they must have other partners at home because why else would you shag in a hedge outside?

I wish I was bold enough for some of these suggestions, I'd be the stuff of legend. Unfortunately I would probably bottle it but I do like the idea of playing some Marvin Gaye or similar through hedge

Maybe they just get off on outdoor sex?

I'd quite want to get a loudspeaker and have it to hand should/when they return.

"Would the top shaggers from Flats 4 and 5 please desist!"

This is the song that must be played

I'm concerned OP that you might not have the right gear to get this going at full blast in your hedge. I am prepared to offer you either of my DCs as consultants in how to make an unreasonable amount of noise. DS understands the electronics. DD understands the noise.

Maybe he got vouchers for the Lady Garden Center?

I vote for this song

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kO6BtpIzIiM&feature=youtu.be

The doorbell idea is genius I've got a £5.99 one that has 32 different tunes. One must be perfect.

I came on to say pop a remote controlled fart machine in there bit YouTheCat beat me to it.

Great minds and what-not.

Misread as 'people keep having sex on my henge'. Not that it makes much difference.

The song you need is this

Accidentally spill some of this in their preferred spot. They'll never come back.

powder

Just as an aside OP - that lawn is looking parched - my lawn's just as bad - I've been sprinkling for the past couple of days - works a treat.

My new sprinkler is amazing. If you invested in a particularly upmarket sprinkler, OP, I think it could be timed to work perfectly

(just saying)

I actually have one of those doorbells!! I think it even has the tubular bells from the exorcist as one of the rings!

I like the suggestion of playing the Benny Hill theme. Maybe just get a cheap bluetooth speaker and put it in the bush and play it? There is even a 30 minute version of it on YouTube:
They surely don’t last that long?

Grow nettles and thistles there. For the wildlife.

You could say something like 'Be careful what you put in that bush my dog likes sausages!'

Actually I think I would just shout 'Oh do be careful I think I saw an ants nest under there today!'

You could just shout piss off you skanky pair or the hose is going on.

I had this a couple of weeks ago, they were in clear view though, although behind my hedge.
They got very close to my begonias, but dh came in and scared them off, so no need for further intervention.
They haven't been back, it was just a drunken night for these, I think.

Not wanting to worry you but if it's secluded enough for a couple to shag, be careful there aren't illegal activities going on in your hedge, you don't want it to become a drug or alcohol drop or meet for teens.

Oh leaf them alone!!

This is NOT the sort of Leaf Blower they have in B&Q

I'd love it if you could rig up some super massive scarily bright floodlights that would shine directly on THEM on the side of the hedge they're on, with accompanying tune of choice whilst also auto projecting it to a giant 'tv' screen.

Anyway, back to reality...

Do you have any Halloween decorations lying around.....this would be a particular favourite of mine, just lying about in the hedge!

I wonder if they are sims fans and have identified your bush as the ‘Woohoo’ bush OP?

No shaggers yet, I'll be out here till 12ish though with the dogthatdoesntknowhowtodog.

To the poster worrying about it being secluded and a potential drug den - it's not secluded at all the other side of the hedge, to make it even more romantic I think it's a parking area which is why I'm so baffled as to why this is prime shagging ground!

Who wanted the finger up their bum? The male voice or the female one?

@MysweetAudrina the woman likes a bum finger - maybe he does too but didn't need prompting...I will ask when I strike up conversation. Good ice breaker perhaps

Please hose them. That would be so funny.

I hope they're taking their condoms home with them.