People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

This is hilarious

Definitely go with either something vile smelling or a good soaking from the hose - particularly if there's a chance that one or both will be sneaking back home afterwards and trying to claim they've been out for a run or a quick trip to the shops.

Hose pipe on full.

I'd liberally scatter prickly leaves/twigs (holly, berberis, blackthorn are great) on the ground and liberally pour honey or sugar over the top. A few dozen thorns plus ants should effectively stop them!
Failing that lob your dog's poo under the hedge, in this weather it'll pong?

Can you see through the hedge? If so I would mount several floodlights on my lawn and when they’re at it Id switch them on!

Next time run towards them and shout "SMILE, YOURE ON TV!!" Hopefully that will solve the problem unless they get a kick out of it lol.

Start up your hedgetrimmer right after they get started and that'll scare them off

And take some flash photos in their general direction.

Power hose. That would sort them out.

Someone had sex in our fuschia bushes and even left a pair of black knickers there. They also knocked a couple of loose bricks off our wall !

They only wanted to spice up their sex life and get a little hedgey

This is the absolute funniest thing today

Maybe she's the new Twiggy? and he's just branching out?

plant hawthorne, roses. bramble or holly there!

Someone had sex in our fuschia bushes

Do you suppose they'd misread 'fuchsia'?

Haven't read all replies yet.
I would go quite close to hedge, laugh and say OMG that is the most fakest orgasm I have ever heard 2/10 for effort. Come back tomorrow to get a better score.

They probably won't return.

And take some flash photos in their general direction.

No ignore my comment...do this! 😂😂

When she said she wished she was green fingered, this is NOT what she had in mind!

Food colouring on the leaves where they do it - you will find out who it is when they wander round with multi coloured clothes and body parts

Might have some explaing to do if they don’t live with the person they are in the hedge with though.....

@MiddleClassProblem not a village - small town eg we have most things except a big supermarket

Let the dog off the lead and shout "Hey, doggy, join the doggers!"and chuck a Bonio in their direction.

Genuine list of plant names:

Shaggy Soldier
Stiffcock
Shagbark
Cockhold Herb
Family Jewels Milkweed
Sausage Tree
Knobweed
Sticky Willy
Nipplewort
Virgin Thistle

I kid you not.

I must be getting old, all I can think of is "how scratchy".

Hose or water sprinkler I would say if its a problem. Marks out of ten or offers of a threesome if you want to take the piss!

I just wanted to say I misread ‘hedge’ as ‘fridge’.

Carry on.

I would err more towards music - both my kids have disabilities and my youngest wouldn't think twice before rolling around in the said dog poo, chilli, honey, ants, holly, thorny concoction! And I don't particularly want my garden stinking of dog poo especially in this hot weather I feel it would add insult to injury