People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Congrats eurgh!! And may Gaz and Tasha giggling wanky happily in somebody else's sex hedge for all eternity!! HURRAH!!!!

I would have been very tempted by now to sprinkle some kind of staining dye around.
"How was Pilates darling?"
"Oh, same as usual"
"Really? Because it seems to have stained your hands and arse bright green...."

If gaz is a daily mirror reader then I wonder if he's read this story and said to his mate Paul "core have you read this story about a couple having sex in a hedge..." 😂😂

Stormtreader, It would be like that scene in 'Gavin and Stacey' when Smithy and Nessa come in from the garden looking dishevelled and with muddy stains on her backside and his knees.

@KeepServingTheDrinks makes perfect sense to me

I'm toasting with beetroot cider. I don't have an emoji the right colour, so you'll have to imagine it.

Do you think they will come back? 🤔😬

I've no idea sick, I mean, I wouldn't if I was them but they are especially bold!

Well it's Friday, the sun is shining, they might come bag for some hedge fun

*back not bag

Thank you. You’ve brightened up my week. This is what mn is about.

Well notdog is terribly interested in the hedge tonight which is unusual but I can't hear anything suspicious

The Privet Prancer has phoned in sick this evening.

When asked by his lover how sick he was he replied...

'Well, I've got a hedge trimming up my bottom and I'm enjoying it'.

Sick indeed!

Now that I've read all of this excellent thread I feel a bit gutted that when I say I'm going to Pilates I'm not getting fingered up the bum in a hedge

...I'm just going to Pilates

Patience Margot, your time will come!

Kissing in the hedgerow of the neighbours
on a saturday night with you
We hold a branch together , you and I
Hold a branch together

A finger in the back hole
Of your bottom on a Saturday night with you
We could hide forever, you and I
We could lay in heather, you and I
fuckin' and a friggin' in the hedgerow like two nudist.

Anybody got Andrew Lloyd Webber's number - I've got an idea for a musical!

Congratulations on this thread *eurgh". It's kept me cackling in bed, cackling in the car and cackling in the garden. My OH has been quite concerned! Can't believe it's still going strong!

Absolute classic, I've had to read all of this in one go this morning, it's brightened my rather grumpy day up no end I have to admit I'm wondering if they'll have the nerve to come back tonight...

Torn imagine if this became a musical - it would be sold out years in advance (attended only by miners though)

That should have said mners- why miners would take a particular interest I don't know!

@MargotMoon I can only apologise that this thread has highlighted your frankly boring life choices - I could try and hook you up with them, I'm sure they'd be most accommodating and would love to finger your bum

There's far too many people typing 'finger up the bum' for it not to be popular!

Thanks. It's certainly making me have a good hard think about where I have gone wrong in my life...