People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

But....is this happening when Tash's OH is at work? If so then at least she is not doing it in the marital bed but in your hedge! The girl has a few standards!!

Yes that's the bit that didn't make sense to me either but I guess maybe she didn't want Gaz's scent and/or fluids deposited in her flat...maybe she's an anxious cheat...?

Where do Paul and Gaz work I wonder and more importantly; I wonder if they get the Daily Mirror at their workplace? 🤔😂

Shaggers rights to your hedge pissing myself laughing!

Shaggers rights 😂

OP if they come back promise you will start a new thread when this one gets full

This thread has inspired a new game....

WHERE'S WILLY?

How about some electric fencing? That might spice things up a bit.

How about itching powder?

I love how preposterous he finds it he can't have a shag anywhere he likes!

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that yes, Gazzer is highly likely to be a Mirror reader.

Are we really looking for a willy in the hedge or is it a piss take as I have just spent far to much time hunting for it and cannot see it 😂😂😂

Just catching up on the last 2 nights action

This suggestion on how to deal with them
Just shout “OI! Fuck off!!”
would most likely resulted in Gaz yelling back
I'm TRYING to!!

Yes is there a willy in the hedge @TornFromTheInside ?? I don't want to admit how long I spent staring at the foliage seeking a penis. (Obvs mean the pic you posted, we all know there's a willy in my hedge)

I'm tempted to say yes, but I won't be cruel...
No, there isn't one :-)

Or is there?

Found it!

Proof positive there was cock all in those bushes after all!

I had this problem with my horses! Every night my two babies Sunshine and Pegasus keep participating in intercourse in my BLOOMIN HEDGE! Gosh, they moan and they groan while they hump all the leaves off of my bush! It's outrageous and it keeps David and me from getting any shut eye!!!

Beech baby

Beech baby, beech baby give me your hand...

Er, no thank you.

@horseycynthia314 I feel like you really needed to get that off your chest, a problem shared and all that. Have you been waiting for a sex hedge themed thread to vent on...?

Reminds me of Tina Turner...

Privet Romancer

All the girls come in these hedges
And the men are all the same
You don't look at their faces
You can only see their rear end
You don't think of them as wildlife
You just think of them as havin' a ball
You keep your mind off all the grunting
And be thankful it's not your garden wall

He's your privet romancer, a chancer so funny
He'll do what she wants him to do
He's your privet prancer, a man and his hunny
And any old hedgerow will do

Torn, you're amazing!

I think Cynthia's dreams are very Freudian...

'secretly seeking a night of passion with a stud in the hedges'

Don't worry Cynthia, your secret's safe with us ;-)

Amazing Torn! Gold stars for you!! ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Not so much as a cracked twig or rustling branch this evening. I did have to come in for a bit though as someone started setting off fireworks and notdog got scared.

Maybe Tasha's OH is home or maybe they're rethinking their choice of location and weighing up their horticultural options...

Gaz and Paul are building contractors from what I gather. I bet Gaz reads The Mirror. I can see it now..."Faaaacking hell T, the pervs have shopped us to the sodding papers"

I wonder if they even know there's a secluded wheat field nearby.

Isntbtheteacphrase? "A cock in the hand is worth 2 in the bush"? Or am I mixing up my colloquialisms???

They're probably frightened they'd meet Theresa May running through it if they went to the wheat field!
( Or the Wurzels )