People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

This thread has been most hedge-umacational !

@lynmilne , why should she? They're committing an offence!! Where does it end? They need to GET A ROOM!!

Funniest thread in a long time! And Notdog is very, very cute

Ab @Ancientmummyofwooooos whatamess is beautiful x

@lynmilne65 I have left them alone for 3 months. But I was getting a little awkward sitting quietly while they shagged in my hedge. Everyone has a limit, Lyn. Everyone has a limit

Lynmilne she wants to enjoy her bush

What a beautiful dog - what kind is it?

@lynmilne65 Tasha is that you?

@Cuttingthegrass my thoughts exactly 😂

Aww, Notdog is gorgeous. Woofs from my dog.

Woofs from gingerdog too!

For the love of fucking god, how hard is it to get a peaceful fuck around here.

The. Best. Line. Ever. On. Mumsnet!

A real contender for Classics please MumsnetHQ

Thanks for all the laughs eurgh and do please update us if/when Gaz and Tash get up to more shenanigans in your hedge.

Everyone has a limit

Lynn might have a point. You could have been more hospitable. It's the Mumsnet way. Perhaps you should have offered tea and biscuits/energy drink. Moist towelettes like on long haul flights.

Moist towelettes for his soggy twig
I spoiled them with Another Level - what more do you want from me!

Ask if you can join them😂 hopefully they will shit thereselves and never return..

however they may say yes and on that I would have a hose behind my back and squirt them till they pegged it 😂

But @cindersrella I'm not a finger up the bum kind of gal - I don't think I'd be a valuable member of the HSS (Hedge Sex Society)

I’ve, ahem, done it on a bench outdoors and the bench fell backwards and we ended up in a hedge... does that count? Or do you have to start in the hedge to be a member of HSS? Possible sub society AHSS (Accidental Hedge Sex Society)?

I just said, breezy as anything in the exact voice you'd use if you haven't seen a long lost friend for years and years...."Gaz! Tasha! Lovely night for it isn't it"

Bit late returning to this thread, but genius, OP, complete fucking (dogging?) genius.

I had sex whilst looking at a hedge out the window. That’s as racy as I go

Turn the hose on them if they have the bare faced (arse) cheek to come back OP.

I can't believe I fell asleep last night before they arrived.

I have just sat down to feed the baby and caught up with last night's shenanigans and when the story got to the "climax" I snorted my orange juice all over him. Poor wet baby!

I love how THEY are the injured party. Clearly don't know that they're on your property!

Sitting with tears of laughter - this is condensed Britishness in a thread. Politeness, awkward sex, dogs, boundary issues. I love this country!