People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Live hedge sex thread - does it get better than this? I’m disappointed that you didn’t go for ‘Let’s Go Outside’, though OP.

How’s it going in the trees?

Literally cheeky fuckers!

You definitely need a pressure washer...

"Let's move to the trees".......it's like a hotel upgrade

Get a sprinkler rather than a hose.

That way you can turn it on remotely.

IN fact, I'd be tempted to get on of those nesting bird webcams set up.

Put up signage obviously, but if they don't notice and broadcast their arses to the local ornithological society that's on them.

'I'm not a perv. I'm sitting in my own garden each evening and half the time you two show up and shag in my hedge. The trees are also mine. You are scaring my dog. Feck off!'

They probably don't want to inconvenience you. Just tell them to go.

I don't think the change of scenery is working, I've definitely put them off their stride, I think they're struggling to really get back into it. A finger in the bum isn't even helping it would seem. He's not really bothered, she's not happy.

Settling in for the hedgesex report- but wondering what if one of the hedgesexers are on mumsnet? Oblivious that it's them we are waiting for, just watching this thread too!!

I think he's called Gaz

If the other side of the hedge is a parking area it could be a local dogging spot with different couples each time?

Oh Gaz you are one class act.

@tornfromtheinside that's a mighty erection he's got going on.

It's all over. As usual the door in the flats went and then again a couple of minutes later. I'm desperate to know the situation. I'm so nosey.

Take dogwhoisnotadog round the front, allow dog to piss on anyone having sex bystanders.

@brizzledrizzle words I've not heard since... well, never!

Is 10 minutes not long enough to get yourself and notdog round there, OP, once you hear them start? Hang around the door of the flats and see who goes in?

@QueenOfThorns I'm a single mum so I can't go round and leave the kids alone in the house

Plant nettles in the hedge

Just shout “OI! Fuck off!!”

unlurking, I feel the need to clarify, is it Gaz that likes a cheeky finger in the bum or the other way round?

Need some posters addressed to Gaz and his "bush babe" congratulating them on their midnight adventures but reminding them to wash their hands thoroughly after any anal explorations. E coli is nasty after all, wouldn't want them getting ill, and he always seems in such a hurry..

No the woman likes a bum finger, Gaz might like it too I'm not sure, I didn't ask

How old do you reckon they are?

Best thread this year. Nominated!!!