People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

Call the police, tell them there's ppl having sex in public again, persistent offenders!

I'd go one step further and set off some fire works to celebrate when they "finish" as a way of celebrating their efforts, perhaps get some friends round to clap and cheer as well, make a real evening of it...

You should put a motion sensor light in the hedge. That will give them a shock

No further suggestions, just blatantly waiting for tonight's instalment of Fifty Shades of Green

😂

I wanna have sex in the hedge
Come on move your body
Sex in the hedge
Come on there’s a party tonight

I’d get a super soaker and fire it into the hedge whilst screaming. “No no Fideaux, don’t wee on the shaggers!!!”

Let off some party poppers to celebrate their finale!! And play Ravel's Bolero!!!

I keep reading the title of this thread as, "People keep having sex in my fridge"!

It's hedgehogs - they make an awful din - and who can blame them with all those sharp bits.
Being serious approach from the public side of the hedge.
Deep voice.
"This is PC Bryant, you've got 30 seconds to get dressed and show yourselves"
Deep authoratitive voice:
"PC Driscoll bring the van and dogs round, arrest, cuff and charge these two with indecent exposure in a public place"
Then calmly walk back to your house - problem resolved

I would wander over and shine a torch on them. Or hose them. Endless fun can be had....

Haven't had chance to read the full thread yet, don't know if something similar has been suggested, but if it were me:

Get as close to the hedge as possible, start flashing a torch around and in a loud clear voice "right over here officer!".

I love the suggestions of playing music to/at them hahaha!

Can you blast them with this on your bluetooth speakers?

Sneak up and blast an air horn.

*WTF? Glow in the dark condoms? Is that in case you can't find it to put on?

In case there's more than 1, I guess*

Reminded me of this...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fNTg2Uz7-pM

Eyes beech hedge speculatively why have I never felt like I've been missing out on hedge sex. Nah still not convinced.
What you need now is a recording of hedgehogs to play back to them

This is nearly as good as the anonymous letter thread that's going on. (Placemarking).
I only came on MN tonight to ask for holiday recommendations and that was 2 hours ago...

My all weather Bluetooth speaker is secured my side of hedge, have checked it will be right volume when I switch it on from the comfort of my garden chair. Playlist ready! Can't decide on song given all the suggestions so if it comes to it I'll just hit shuffle and see what happens!!

Now we wait for twilight

Is it weird I hope they turn up now..

It must be a very nice hedge.

See I would make a production of it... the minute they start - LED coloured garden lights (in a sexy low shade) goes on, “Bump and Grind” song starts playing at full blast, and preferably a round of applause at the end

A bit of Barry white would go down nicely!!!

Is it sad that I'm this excited at the thought of people I don't know having sex?

Maybe we should all come and join you and applaud when they're done?

Go right up to the fence, quietly, so they don’t realise you’ve crept up close - then, in a strong yet matter-of-fact tone, state clearly: “I can hear every single sound you’re making, you know’. Then slowly creep away, back to your patio with your dog......;)

How long are they shaking the hedge for?
It must really disturb your evening in the garden relaxing
Are they just having a quickie @eurgh or would you be able to put on a decent playlist for them?

Oooh. Just caught up with all of this, can't wait for an update, esp seeing as they didn't come last night