People keep having sex in my hedge...

[eurgh]

I guess it's more of a WWYD as I know I'm NBU but every few nights people (I assume the same two) keep having sex in the hedge which divides my back garden from the road behind. It's pretty brazen because there's no real cover to hide under!
Every few nights I'll be out sitting with my new rescue dog and letting her potter about and I'll hear my hedge making groany sex noises. I'm so tempted to cough loudly or say something but for some reason I just keep quiet and feel weird listening to other people's sex noises!
So I guess more for fun, I ask you, what would you do?

I've only played Sims Medieval. They don't have a woohoo bush, or even woohoo. 😭

We need a live stream for this.
It's like Nature Watch - only Human Nature!

Ugh! :(

However, this made me laugh: start doing a David Attenborough commentary whenever they are at it

People have no shame, though. Sorry for you.

Anyone else keep reading this as “People keep having sex in my fridge”?

Get a walkie talkie pop one in the hedge then stand inside and say some really weird stuff from yours. 'Oh yeah I like that, I love seeing you 2 go at it...my bush could do with a good seeing too I'm also ovulating and would love a baby if you're up for it'

@DeadGood - for transparency, my fridge's flower is still in tact. My once innocent hedge on the other hand has been well and truly desecrated

Anyone else keep reading this as “People keep having sex in my fridge”?

No, that's just you :). Don't be giving them ideas now. It might start in the hedge and end up in the fridge.

Could you place some horse racing commentary.
"And they're off....."

Flashlight and hose and asking the dog to go 'find the ball'

OP I read it as 'people keep having sex in my fridge' and now I'm disappointed, therefore YABU.

Haha Deadgood YES

I vote for an overly generous helping of chilli powder, then playing Kings of Leon - my sex is on fire when you hear it starting to work 😉

just sit down on your side of the hedge. Get yourself comfy and start talking to them about the weather. “Lovely night isn’t it”

My suggestion is to leave them little notes to find. "Hi lovelies. Nice seeing you again last night." "I like a finger up the bum too!" "Sorry, but have you seen my pet snake. He escaped yesterday." etc

They may be having a night off...I thought I heard he start of some action but twas a cat trying to navigate through the sex hedge 🐈

I would go really close the other side of the hedge and at the perfect moment say Hi, how are you both this fine evening? or something funnier than that.

Hang a banner from your window with a digital photo of them and the slogan get a room.

Torn
Are you my FIL? If not you share a sense of humour :(

Play martika's I feel the earth move or the William tell overture.

Maybe buy one of those bird repellent scarecrows that makes a huge bang when activated...

OP at the crucial moment, are there any hedge-related things that get uttered? You know like "Beech" or "Privet" or "Leylandii"

We've all got caught up in the idea that the OP's hedge is just a convenient location. What if it's not? What if hedge sex is now a thing?

If hedge sex is a thing I am now concerned for my hedges

The hawthorn is safe - it's around the back and no-one can get at it

I'm worried about my beech though. Anyone can access my beech. And it's such a young hedge too - we've been taking great care of it

@Thesearepearls well I'm afraid to say mine is a beech, apparently. So they are the preferred hedge type it would seem. I'll pray for your young, innocent beech that it does not succumb to the same fate

Op this has made my day!

My new beech hedge caught its death in the snow we had in the spring, it's standing there all dead and twiggy now. I wonder if some action would bring it back to life?!

Get a couple of friends round, wait for the right moment and shout ‘quick, get outside, they’re starting!’ ‘Make sure you bring the dips’ ‘hurry, you’re going to miss it’.
Or in the spirit of the World Cup, really wait for the right moment and shout ‘Goooaaaallll’ at the top of your voice. 😁