How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

[Mrsfloss]

When dd was younger. I got loads of advice on making her childhood special and magical.

Any tips on doing the same with teen to get her off screens and which won’t result in death stare!

Different stage of parenting and I can’t help pine for the days of carpet picnics, reading storys and pjs on at 6pm!

This might be controversial, but I'd say don't let them have TV/Xbox in their room. We did with my eldest, and she barely came out for the next ten yrs!

This might be controversial, but I'd say don't let them have TV/Xbox in their room. We did with my eldest, and she barely came out for the next ten yrs!
Not controversial at all (IMO!)
Even though the boys are 21 and 18 they have never had a tv in their room. I guess they don't miss what they never had and have never bothered to get one once they were older. In fact it is only in the couple of years that we got a second tv and that is in the other living room and that was so they could watch netflix and go on the x box.

This is such a lovely thread. I watched a (very sad) documentary last night called Saying Goodbye and it really made me reflect on how I'm parenting my tweens and perhaps that I need to do a lot more of the stuff mentioned in this thread. Thanks everyone.

Fantastic thread. I was dreading my DCs becoming teenagers as I lack good role models (my parents were crap). Thank you!

Can I save this thread somehow? Or can it be saved by mn? Such lovely advice. Great thread op.

I also really recommend socialising with friends who also have teens, as this usually guarantees that your own teens will hang out with you.

A big group of us rent a house together a few times a year, drag all the teens along, crack open the board games and go for hikes. We all cook together, there's no bed times and everyone has a good time. We're all off to Yorkshire this weekend and we can't wait

ohhelpohnoitsa we can nominate it for Classics! I think a few people have to do it, I will now.

(Report the thread to HQ using the report button requesting it be moved.)

thanks for this thread.
picked up ds from the station and he had an interim report on him with predicted grades.
Thanks to reading this yesterday I was much more low key than usual, let him talk, didn't criticise and was able to get out of him how he felt about them.

Was a good conversation and I feel really pleased that I managed it better than usual.

Have also asked to be moved to classics. Not often we get a useful, positive and generally lovely thread.

After a first visit by DS2’s girlfriend last night, he thanked his dad for ‘not being weird’ on the way home from dropping her off.

I asked him this morning why I hadn’t merited a TFNBW and he said, “You’re never weird; Dad usually is, but he made an effort.”

I love that he wanted to bring her to meet us all. His older brother (30) is bringing his girlfriend to meet us for the first time this weekend too!

Oh yes, please for going into Classics. Absolutely love this thread.

I pick up both mine from school each day; it's about a 30 minute journey. The rule on the journey is no phones until we're home so we chat about the day. I'm finding that whilst sometimes it is just boring (what was for lunch, the general ailments of classmates and teachers etc etc), occasionally we get the most fantastic conversations. I can also get my phone to play through the car and so I sometimes put podcasts of things that they might like to listen to that they wouldn't normally (e.g. Desert Island Discs with James Corden / Mary Berry / David Attenborough, or a real life crime story) rather than bloody Capital radio!

(N.B. This backfired a bit after we listened to a Radio 4 programme about how Labour's use of social media has boosted the party's appeal in young voters. This introduced what ended up being the family song of the summer which was "Vote Jeremy Corbyn" being sung to the guitar riff from White Stripes' Seven Nation Army, which was a tad wearing as the holidays dragged on but it certainly showed that the programme had an impact!)

Love this thread, vote for classics so I can come back to it.

Have a teen ds and teen dd. The one thing that I just adore about them, is that they are best friends. We are close, I am single mum to them so I think that bond has formed as we are in things together. We help each other (although getting a cup of coffee in bed in the morning is a bit of an ask) and ask advice of each other. Recently I have been quite spoiled as they have on an off days at school during exams, and it so happens that they are never on or off at the same time, and I work from home I get to have each of them to myself every few days. Which is lovely as we can just chat about things, maybe something that ds doesn't want dd to hear (like is she ok, what should we get her for Christmas) etc. Then when they are together, I sometime overhear their conversations. They are just such good friends. I know that I am fortunate as they rarely argue. But I have never sided with either of them in an argument when they were younger, have also listened to both sides and told them they need to sort it out between them.

They are just fun, they have got me through some tough times too, but without knowing it.

Love my teens to death. My favourite stage of parenting at the moment.

One of the things I do do, that my parents never did, is to just surprize them with little things... if I go out, will buy them a chocolate and hide it under their pillow, or not tell them what's for dinner and make their favourite meal, just little things... not huge expensive things, just things where they know I have thought about them.

What a lovely positive thread.
I work with teens and their parents (in crisis) and they often look at me as if I'm mad when I suggest lots of the stuff you have already suggested.
So lovely to see so many parents so positive with their teens.

Murphys I really enjoy indulging them a little bit. I'll sometimes pop a hot water bottle in their beds when it's chilly, or let them choose the most lavish hot chocolate off the menu.

If they fancy a soak in the bath I'll sometimes let them use my posh bubbles, and while they're soaking I'll do a hotel-style turn-down service - close their curtains, switch on their fairy lights, lay out their PJs, turn down their beds, plump pillows etc.

For special occasions they are allowed to borrow my shoes/bags.

It always makes me so sad when you read posts on here from parents who seem to resent even sharing the same air as their DCs and begrudge every penny they have to spend

Agree with everything in this thread (which is really lovely btw)

Also thinking back to when I was a teen, don't demand that they spend family time, sometimes I needed an hour or so after school/college to decompress alone in my room.

My mum let me have a bit of time to myself and I'd come downstairs in a much better mood, then we'd go to the supermarket (ten minute walk away), choose something nice for dinner and make it together.

Also yes yes to shared interests/hobbies. We used to watch star trek together and do yoga together (which could get a bit competitive as she is stronger than me but I'm more flexible!)

ha ha on TYFONBW shockers - my dd said that to me about her boyfriend, and then said she won't tell her dad (we're divorced) at all because he would just be too weird

If you have to enforce a family rule which they find hard with their peers, acknowledge that it's hard for them and offer something else in return.

An example I was once given was that if you won't let them play computer games that are rated older than they are, tell them that you know it makes it difficult with their friends but see if there anything that you would be ok with that would help them with their social standing. In this example, when the friends came round they were allowed to raid the fridge and make themselves food, such as bacon sandwiches, which the friends thought was great.

So you were still able to enforce your rule but the friends still thought the house was a cool place to go to.

My dd used to love elf in a shelf! I’m so gutted. I loved doing that!

Going to attempt something similar with beauty agent calendar and treats!

I always tell mine that they can use me as a scapegoat at any time - if they are in a social situation that they want out of, for instance. "Can't do that, my mum will kill me!" DD got suckered into sharing her locker at school and was fed up of her friend's stuff everywhere, so she blamed me and said I went mental that she was sharing because I had to pay for the rental, etc. It's an easy out for them, plus they know that I'm happy to be the "bad guy" face to face if necessary!

Give them space.

What a lovely thread that’s made me smile and cry while reading!
My ds is 12 so i am about to enter the teenage years...after 20 years of working with under 8’s it scares me more than I will admit
I have no intention of putting a tv in his bedroom and we have a code for if he is out and starts to feel uncomfortable in a situation where he texts me any random emoji and I then ring and say there has been something come up so I need to collect him immediately, it works well as he has me to blame!!
Thank you for some lovely ideas, I have also nominated for classics!

Well, we had quite a few classics noms for this one - not hard to see why.

We are, of course, sending this lovely thread over to the hall of fame now.
(No, not crying, just chopping onions... honest!)

👍🏼😬

Yes i didn't mind being the bad guy Ithink teenagers want/need us to say no sometimes so oh my mum says I am not allowed can be a great get out for them especially early teens when they get a bit more independent.