How to be a lovely parent to teenager?

[Mrsfloss]

When dd was younger. I got loads of advice on making her childhood special and magical.

Any tips on doing the same with teen to get her off screens and which won’t result in death stare!

Different stage of parenting and I can’t help pine for the days of carpet picnics, reading storys and pjs on at 6pm!

Oh what a lovely, lovely thread! DD is 7 going on 17 and I've been dreading what she might be like as a teenager. But this has given me hope! Thank you for your words of wisdom and experience

Talk to them about when they were little - it's amazing the funny things they remember that I don't!
Ditto shopping / restaurant trips.
I love going out for meals with them together and it occasionally inspires a bit of brotherly love as they now have nothing in common

Can I just slightly tweak @Blobby10's phrase? I remember my mum saying that to me and found it secretly devastating - she had to love me, but that sentence always made me feel like she didn't want to. I find 'I will always love you, but right now I don't like [this thing you're doing]' works a little better for us. It's such a small difference but it would have meant the world to me at that age.

All these other suggestions are making me with happiness.

My teens break my hearts as I see their little souls peering out of adult faces. Never expected to find them so heartwarming as teens, probably because my teen years were hellish.
Animals are big in our house. Nothing cheers a surly teen more than a cat story. Ditto dogs and chickens. And telling stories about Theo babyhood. They have heard them all but still smile.
Hot chocolate, hot water bottles, baking together, a shopping trip, cutting them some slack, a shared hobby/ sport. Gilmore girls 😀.Oh and a weekend away, just with them.

Dd1 has bought her first flat I was out with her yesterday helping her pick a sofa and i had a bit huge wobble about her moving out i will probably inwardly wail my baby when she leaves but I guess that is what it is all about you raise them with confidence so they leave happily.

Agree, home. The phrase "I love you but I don't like you right now..." can be devastating to a child or teen. I found it so hurtful myself. Always focus on the behaviour itself. Eg "When you do xx it upsets me" etc.

Agree with homeworkinghubbard.

Less painful to say you don't like the behaviour than the person.

Cross post!

Absolutely love this thread. I have 2 teens and one nearly teen. I find they chat lots in the car as they feel close but you are both looking forward so less pressure maybe? Yes to shared Bobbie, I love running with my 13 year old (I can’t keep up) and listening and talking about music with them. We still play board games, cook dinner together, listen and try not to judge.

I always want them to know they can tell me anything so I listen and give advice if asked but bite my tongue a lot! Love laying on the sofa watching Stranger Things and Friends with my 6ft 2 16 yr old son. Yes to talking about when they were little. They live it!

*love it

Watch their sport. There aren't any many mums on the sidelines now DS is 17, but he asks me to watch every bloody weekend .

Kidding- I love it!

I love slipping him the odd fiver as I drop him with his mates too. His face goes pink and he gives me a kiss.

Driving them anywhere is great. We either sing or chat.

Whole family house cleans are good. We all get stuck in, then we choose a takeaway as a treat and relax in our sparkly house .

Agree with others. My dad said' I love you but I don't like you' when I was a teenager. It just made me realise that actually I didn't like him much either! Not helpful and quite upsetting

This is a lovely thread but it has made me feel quite sad as its made me realise how little I see of my 2 boys (22 and 15) as they literally spend all their lives when they are at home in their bedrooms! We try and encourage both of them to spend more time downstairs with us but apart from meal times and cleaning up the kitchen (which they do) I barely see them at night and weekends.. I just presumed it was a teenage thing and accepted it.

If DS (14) will watch TV with us then we watch what she wants more or less, Ackley Bridge was “our” programme, just the two of us that is, DH had to leave us to it. Having open house to her friends, spare beds and plenty of snacks helps. I like our house to be the one that they want to come to and I drive them round within reason. Mostly I try to say yes to her but I am able to say no

Love this thread, my dd is 11 and I am struggling. Lodsof advice for when they are little but none for this age. All those comments are brilliant💖💖

Don't sweat the small stuff (like the odd swear word) and enjoy their wicked sense of humour, passionate beliefs and conversations and ridiculous unreasonableness!

I found parenting teens the most rewarding and exciting time of all.

Can anyone help with what kind of board games to share with teens?
Also, this will sound so clueless, but any suggestions as to where to start with music would be very welcome. I'm not aiming to be cool (ha!) but just to have stuff playing to encourage them to find their own music that they love. I'm not sure sticking on Tori Amos and Lambchop will help It's for 14 year old boys.

My DD is only a baby and this has made me all emotional like she’s on the verge of being grown up already

I mean it’s a lovely thread but bittersweet!

Lovely parent is not much different throughout the ages really I don't think.
Teens are generally large toddlers. Love and tolerance is required in spades

We've tried to be there when needed but allow space for DD to spread her wings. Lots of encouragement and understanding and remembering it's all a phase. Food, lifts and some cash has kept the communication open and watching DD become a truly lovely young adult makes the huffs, tuts and eye rolls seem a distant memory

@AuntyElle for board games I would suggest Cluedo or Scotland Yard. Or for a quicker game Yahtzee is fun. Music isn’t something I would say we really share so can’t really help you there.

DD also chooses which radio station to listen to in the car which is often Radio 1, we have a laugh to Grimmy on the way to school. I remember my Dad letting us have Capital Radio on when it first started and we used to have a laugh, singing along to Sparks etc. Happy memories. Another thing DD and I do is nearly always send a text message at bedtime, whatever has happened, its always just emojis, our favourite is unicorn, rainbow, some sort of heart and variations on that theme. I’m going to send one now!

Thank you kinraddie.

Following. DD is 11. Just started secondary school and I'm struggling with knowing when to back off for her and when to be there for her.

Agreed Karid1496. DD is same age.

Massive strop on the way home today. (she normally comes home by herself but was meeting me as she is having trouble with a girl in school ) .

The naughty stair stops being effective when your child is taller than you!