Awkward moments caused entirely due to that British politeness embarrassment thing

[Piglet208]

I was recently having a meal in a hotel in France with Dh. After the main course, the lovely waiter ( he looked like Manuel from Fawlty towers) came over with the menu and said something in French about dessert. I speak some French but didn't catch the whole sentence so I nodded and went to take the menu. He pulled the menu away, smiled and said something else which I didn't catch. We assumed that he thought we didn't want dessert and decided to leave it as the restaurant was extremely busy. Suddenly Manuel triumphantly appeared with two desserts and handed a creme brûlée to Dh and a chocolate tart to me. Now obviously we should have got his attention and explained we hadn't ordered dessert but my embarrassment at having to try to explain in French and to be honest the fact that the desserts looked lovely led to Dh suggesting we just eat them. As we started to eat Dh noticed that the group of waiters were having a serious discussion and looking over worriedly at us. Manuel was beginning to sweat and it was obvious that we had someone else's dessert. So the whole time we continued to eat the desserts ( they were lovely) the entire restaurant staff were heatedly gesticulating and glaring while Manuel got more and more sheepish. After a while identical desserts were brought out to a table close by and eventually Manuel shuffled over to our table and asked Dh to sign for the desserts, avoiding any eye contact or mention of the mistake, which he obviously did much to Manuel's relief. I can't help thinking that Manuel must think we were slightly strange to accept 2 rogue desserts and eat them without saying anything!

I clocked a neighbour I didn't want to talk to, walking up our street ahead of me.

When she turned right into her front garden, I hid behind the hedge, hoping that she'd open the door and be in before I walked past.

A couple of minutes went by, but I didn't hear the jingle of keys and the door opening and closing.

I peeped through a small gap in the hedge to see her standing on her doorstep, facing out towards the gate, as if she was waiting for someone.

Another couple of minutes passed and nothing.

I peeped again and she was still there.

Waiting.

She must have known where I was, as it was the only cover along the street at that point.

I was waiting for her to go in.

She was clearly waiting for me.

She must have seen I was behind her at some point and wanted a word with me.

In the end, I had to woman up, took a deep breath, broke cover and walked by.

We both carried on as if the previous 5 minutes or so hadn't happened.

And yes. She talked my ears off. The reason I wanted to avoid her in the first place as I ws in a hurry.

I go to an exercise class and one woman got my name wrong when I started. So now everyone (including the teacher) calls me that because I'm too embarrassed to tell them. This has gone on for 2 years. My mum started coming a few months ago and I had to tell her to call me 'Heather' in the class... she thinks I'm bonkers

These are very funny but I think I must somehow not be British ( despite being born in Birmingham to British parents) as I can't understand doing ANY of these things
However, 12 year old DD seems to live in a state of total embarrassment ( probably due to having 2 parents who don't care what people think) and I'm sure would do most of these things

isthistoonosy they don't like it if you do that in Spain either

Oh and I used to call in and see my old neighbour before he died. He used to drink Earl Grey and made me a cup the first time I went round. Served with fruitcake. They are literally the two things I hate most but said mmm delicious thanks so every time I went round I had to force a cup of earl grey and some fruitcake down

I think part of English/British ridiculous politeness is not wanting to make the other person feel bad. Hence why my bil will always be known as Tony even though that is not his name or anything like it. All because the Italian owner of the local fish and chip shop made a mistake and called out "Hey Toneee" every time he went in. For over 10 years.

A nice old lady in a shop referred to baby DD as a 'he' as in "oh isn't he lovely" way. I smiled and nodded politely - it wasn't obvious that she was a girl and I didn't want to make the lady feel awkward. Then she asked what his name was. Naturally I made a boys name up. And left quickly before anyone I knew saw me in the shop!

DS2 friend's mum has called me the wrong name for three years. Similar to my own, but not my name. I never corrected her initially and feel it's gone on too long now to tell her. I'm nervous someone else will correct her and then I'll look even more of a fool. Ridiculous really.

When DS was four we had a holiday at Center Parcs in France. He couldn't cope with the pushing in and lack of queuing so took a tantrum, resulting in the lifeguard shutting down the water tree house and carrying him off it, while DH and I cringed in the corner and pretended he wasn't our child.

When I was younger I was being trained by someone quite senior who suggested we get lunch together. There was an excellent canteen (and I thought she might pay) so I said yes.
About 15 minutes later , just to make conversation and completely unconnected, I asked her if she lived nearby. She looked very taken aback and said "oh no, I thought we'd go to the canteen to eat." A bit thrown, I agreed yes, we would - I hadn't been suggesting I pop round to hers! She completely ignored me and waffled on for about 10 minutes about how we couldn't go to her house for lunch.
I was far too embarrassed to correct her again so resigned myself to being known as the trainee who invited herself to the HR Director's house for evermore.

you should have a look at Very British Problems on FB

I follow that page, it's hilarious (and I'm Scottish!)

Many years ago on our first weekend away as a young couple we had a series of unfortunate misunderstandings. We thought we'd ordered prawn cocktail using school days French. I got a huge crab and husband got a pile of tiny brown shell on shrimps. Neither of us knew how to eat them but as the only English in the small but very French hotel we were being watched carefully. My husband told me to eat a whole crab you pull the claws off and suck the meat out. Naively, tried ripping off the claw and sucking. It wasn't pleasant and there was no meat but plenty of laughter. Eventually the waiter brought a hammer and crackers and all was well. My husband never did eat the shrimp because he couldn't bear the texture. We then went for a late evening stroll along the deserted beach. Very beautiful and romantic sitting in the dunes listening to the waves crashing. Husband decided since we were alone it was acceptable to make advances which I didn't repel. We wondered back to the hotel an hour later, covered in sand and somewhat dishevelled to realise we had to walk through the reception area where the entire staff and other guests had gathered to clap us in, having worked out what we'd been doing. The weekend got progressively worse but was at least memorable and our inability to communicate effectively did nudge us into improving our French.

Katsu That's amazing. I really love that. Though she was very un-British for not just going along with your "suggestion" and having lunch at her house out of embarrassment.

I love your username BTW; I loved that book though some of it confused me- what the watchmaker gay?

EarlessToothlessVagabond

While on holiday in Tenerife, DP insisted on using the Spanish lisp when pronouncing words and acted embarrassed when i refused to do it. He went on and on and on about it, really looking like a bit of a twat. He made me feel like 'that British person'.

After a few nights I pointed out that none of the Spanish people we'd spoken to were doing the lisp, so we asked a waiter, who said no, that's a regional thing and we don't do it here.

I was so bloody smug.

Crumbs1 - I bet they sometimes still talk about 'that English couple'....

Went on holiday to Norway when I was about 18 and my mum was explaining to the waiter assigned to us (who had a Strong Norwegian accent) that "in England, where we come from we get a lot of rain" he replied with no trace of the accent. "Yes in know I'm Welsh"

I used to have a lady to do my ironing.

We got on very well - to the extent I invited her to a party, etc. Friends.

Except I didn't know her name, and it was far too late to ask. I knew it began with a C, but beyond that I wasn't sure.

So I wrote her Christmas card in the worst handwriting I could muster, signing it to 'CScribble' and hoping for the best.

It was a relief when she moved away and added me on FB. At least I found out what her name was

Years ago I took a phone call at home from a man who asked 'is himself at home?'

Thinking it was my husband's boss from work, I said no, and we chatted for ages, he asked how the kids were and what we were doing at the weekend, etc etc, went on for about twenty minutes. Then he finally said 'well, when he comes in, tell him we're off shooting tomorrow, bring the dogs, he'll have a grand day.'

At this point it dawned on me, as we didn't have dogs, my husband had never shot in his life, and the following day he was at work, that this was a wrong number. Both our faults, his for not introducing himself by name, and me for not giving my name when I answered. But, being British and it all having gone on for far too long now to admit that I had no idea who he was, I carried the conversation on for a few minutes with lots of 'oh, where are you shooting?' and 'hope the weather holds, I'm sure he'd love to join you.'

I've never been so relieved to get off the phone.

On holiday in France with friends, before I met DH. We rented canoos and went to riverside restaurant for lunch.
Ate and drank too much and realised I had a dodgy stomach so on the way back stopped at a small island in the middle of the river. Lots of bushes and trees. Friends laughing and shouting they could see me so I kept backing further into the undergrowth to make sure I was hidden from them.
Eventually finished, cleaned myself up as best I could and stood up. I looked behind me for the first time and was horrified to make eye contact with a family having a picnic on the opposite bank, parents and young child, looking as shocked as I felt .
They would have had an uninterupted view of my backside the whole time .

I don't drink tea - I never have - I just don't like it.... apart from once when I was at my cousin's house... she asked if i'd like tea or coffee and I replied, as I alsways do, "coffee please" but then she started telling me a long personal story about her relationship...... and made and poured me a cup of tea. I really couldn't break in to remind her that I'd asked for coffee so I had to bite the bullet and drink the vile stuff..... which I had never done before and have never done since!

I have drunk many cups of tea with milk in because I was too polite to remind them that I had asked for it without milk. (I don't do this in cafes anymore though - that's something!)

DS went to his new girlfriends house for tea last week. First time meeting her parents.

They had chicken breasts in sauce which he said was nice,but he hadn't realised it was served on the bone until it was in his mouth,so he'd had to eat the chicken bone rather than admitting his mistake

These are very entertaining! We dont really have this in Northern Ireland, though I do dodge people in the supermarket, but that's more because I cant be arsed talking to them!

I worked in an office of 5 women and one had a baby. We got a card to give her and my colleague accidentally wrote 'Congratulatulations' by mistake. She said she couldn't write her name under it as it looked like she couldn't spell so she signed it from a made up name, of no one who worked there. Then got a different coloured pen and disguised her handwriting and wrote 'Congratulations, from Sarah'.

When the lady opened the card she read out 'Sarah, Jane, Gemma, Anna and er Esmerelda..' Then being British also, didn't question it at all in case she'd forgotten some colleague that worked there and said '...thank you, you are all so kind and lovely'.

Mortifying Medeci.

I have been caught short in the country before and reluctantly gone in bushes for a wee out of desperation. I was in that awkward crouch position trying not to wee on clothes and hoping the flow would not go towards my feet, when a dog come bounding in. He obviously came over to me, very friendly Labrador, so I had to keep him at arms length and try to pull up my pants and avoid the piss at the same time, simultaneously hoping that the owner would not come looking for him.

I am very careful about my liquid intact if I am walking where there will be no loos.

Not a British thing but all these weeing stories.... I needed to pee during a long 10 mile hill type walk. Crouched. Pee'd. Got stung on the arse by stinging nettles